Digital Prophet
29th of January 2006 (Sun), 18:53
It's been a year. And no, it's not any easier. People say "Time heals all wounds." I will tell you this: I bear a wound. One so deep that the results of it changed my life and to this day it hasn't healed. And I don't know that it ever will heal.
A year ago I wrote this. And I don't know what else to say. But it has been a year. And it marks the loss of someone that was so special in my life that I feel compelled to share my loss with you. So read it. Or don't. In the end it won't help me. Or her. But I remember her and the simple fact is that I want to share what a wonderful person she was. And what a terrible loss it was.
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On January 30th 2005 I lost so much.
I lost my friend. A woman that not only accepted me for who I was, not only encouraged me to be what I am but fully believed in the potential that I didn't even know I had to be what I could become. From the first time that I ever met Deb she made me feel at home. With one look at her warm smile and that mischevious little glint in her eye you just knew that there was a soul of a good person in this woman.
She was generous to a fault. She gave me free run to be wherever I might want to be on her property, to photograph any of her beautiful animals and make myself comfortable as can be in her home. She would cook meals or have us all over for a pot luck type dinner. She gave me the gift of the love her number one and most important horse. She gave me confidence and encouragement.
I lost my teacher. A soul so patient and understanding that there was no one in the world who couldn't learn under her supervision. She taught me so much about horses and business by simply allowing me to be near her and watch her. She shared all of her knowledge readily, she wasn't just a great teacher but a truely endless fountain of information that was both practical and exotic.
Ideas flowed from Deb the way clouds cross the sky. And it was during our seemingly endless string of conversations that last for hourss that I learned so much of things that I had never seeen. She shared her life in the lessons that she taught me over the many hours we spent chatting across her large wooden dinner table under the watchful gaze of all the horse sculptures that lined her kitchen wall. She gave to me the unique experience of being in awe and not wanting to talk for fear I might miss something.
I lost my confidant. All those hours. Hours that she would take away from the important tasks that she had. Hours that she considered her most valuable possession. She used them to talk with me. And we talked about everything. There was nothing that you couldn't tell Deb. No matter was too small. No problem too large. She would listen and look you in the eye and make you feel as if you were the most important thing on the face of the planet. It was a feeling that only Deb could give you.
And she would calm you, sooth you, encourage you, defeat your fears and stoke the fires of ambition. She did it all. There was nothing that Deb would not do for someone she cared for. She was fearless and invincible and when you were with her you felt the same way.
Through Deb I was able to see a world full of opportunity. Through Deb I was able to truely understand that life is too short to be upset. It was through Deb that I learned the beauty that lies in that which we do not know.
I feel that I have lost so much. I tell people that I was proud to have called Deb my friend. But the truth is that I am more proud that Deb called me her friend.
I sit back and as I write this I have tears flowing. And yes it hurts. And it always will. But some say that love always ends. Whether it be here on earth because we fade from one another lives or after this earth becuase one person leaves another behind and fades from this world. But true love will always be worth the pain. If you can look back at the pain the loss brings and say "Yeah, that was worth it and I would do it again" then you loved someone.
I loved my friend, my teacher my confidant. I loved Deb Kay and yes I lost so much that day. But what she gave me makes it all worth it.
Would I do it again? You bet your ass.
Jumpy jumpy Deb.
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In retrospect Deb changed my life twice. Once when she was here and pointed me in a new direction and began to give me the tools to walk that path and a group of people to walk it with. The second time was through her death. Her passing propelled me down that path at a speed that was blinding.
So here we are, on the other side of this terrible year looking forward. My friends and I are leaving Deb's farm and effectively all that was part of the life she shared with us. We are moving to a new and larger property. We are building a new life for ourselves and what is left of her beloved herd. And most important, if one could be more important than another, of those is my horse. Pilot.
He is the most special gift that anyone has ever given me. He was her most special horse when she died. Maybe her most special horse ever in a life filled with so many special animals. He is a large, difficult and dangerous animal. And yet we share a bond that is unlike any that I have had before and I wonder if I will have again. And I am so thankful to her for that.
I am thankful to Deb for so much. And like I said before, it hurts. I feel it everyday and I can see it in my friends' eyes. I see it in my horse's eyes. And when I am alone and I see myself in a photo or a mirror I see it in my eyes.
I miss my friend. But I am glad that shared that small part of my life with her. And I know she is in a better place. And when the day comes that I lose my horse, my friend, I know he will go to a better place where his mommy will be waiting for him. And I know she is somewhere better. She deserves it.
Prophet out.
A year ago I wrote this. And I don't know what else to say. But it has been a year. And it marks the loss of someone that was so special in my life that I feel compelled to share my loss with you. So read it. Or don't. In the end it won't help me. Or her. But I remember her and the simple fact is that I want to share what a wonderful person she was. And what a terrible loss it was.
-------------------------------------
On January 30th 2005 I lost so much.
I lost my friend. A woman that not only accepted me for who I was, not only encouraged me to be what I am but fully believed in the potential that I didn't even know I had to be what I could become. From the first time that I ever met Deb she made me feel at home. With one look at her warm smile and that mischevious little glint in her eye you just knew that there was a soul of a good person in this woman.
She was generous to a fault. She gave me free run to be wherever I might want to be on her property, to photograph any of her beautiful animals and make myself comfortable as can be in her home. She would cook meals or have us all over for a pot luck type dinner. She gave me the gift of the love her number one and most important horse. She gave me confidence and encouragement.
I lost my teacher. A soul so patient and understanding that there was no one in the world who couldn't learn under her supervision. She taught me so much about horses and business by simply allowing me to be near her and watch her. She shared all of her knowledge readily, she wasn't just a great teacher but a truely endless fountain of information that was both practical and exotic.
Ideas flowed from Deb the way clouds cross the sky. And it was during our seemingly endless string of conversations that last for hourss that I learned so much of things that I had never seeen. She shared her life in the lessons that she taught me over the many hours we spent chatting across her large wooden dinner table under the watchful gaze of all the horse sculptures that lined her kitchen wall. She gave to me the unique experience of being in awe and not wanting to talk for fear I might miss something.
I lost my confidant. All those hours. Hours that she would take away from the important tasks that she had. Hours that she considered her most valuable possession. She used them to talk with me. And we talked about everything. There was nothing that you couldn't tell Deb. No matter was too small. No problem too large. She would listen and look you in the eye and make you feel as if you were the most important thing on the face of the planet. It was a feeling that only Deb could give you.
And she would calm you, sooth you, encourage you, defeat your fears and stoke the fires of ambition. She did it all. There was nothing that Deb would not do for someone she cared for. She was fearless and invincible and when you were with her you felt the same way.
Through Deb I was able to see a world full of opportunity. Through Deb I was able to truely understand that life is too short to be upset. It was through Deb that I learned the beauty that lies in that which we do not know.
I feel that I have lost so much. I tell people that I was proud to have called Deb my friend. But the truth is that I am more proud that Deb called me her friend.
I sit back and as I write this I have tears flowing. And yes it hurts. And it always will. But some say that love always ends. Whether it be here on earth because we fade from one another lives or after this earth becuase one person leaves another behind and fades from this world. But true love will always be worth the pain. If you can look back at the pain the loss brings and say "Yeah, that was worth it and I would do it again" then you loved someone.
I loved my friend, my teacher my confidant. I loved Deb Kay and yes I lost so much that day. But what she gave me makes it all worth it.
Would I do it again? You bet your ass.
Jumpy jumpy Deb.
-------------------------------------
In retrospect Deb changed my life twice. Once when she was here and pointed me in a new direction and began to give me the tools to walk that path and a group of people to walk it with. The second time was through her death. Her passing propelled me down that path at a speed that was blinding.
So here we are, on the other side of this terrible year looking forward. My friends and I are leaving Deb's farm and effectively all that was part of the life she shared with us. We are moving to a new and larger property. We are building a new life for ourselves and what is left of her beloved herd. And most important, if one could be more important than another, of those is my horse. Pilot.
He is the most special gift that anyone has ever given me. He was her most special horse when she died. Maybe her most special horse ever in a life filled with so many special animals. He is a large, difficult and dangerous animal. And yet we share a bond that is unlike any that I have had before and I wonder if I will have again. And I am so thankful to her for that.
I am thankful to Deb for so much. And like I said before, it hurts. I feel it everyday and I can see it in my friends' eyes. I see it in my horse's eyes. And when I am alone and I see myself in a photo or a mirror I see it in my eyes.
I miss my friend. But I am glad that shared that small part of my life with her. And I know she is in a better place. And when the day comes that I lose my horse, my friend, I know he will go to a better place where his mommy will be waiting for him. And I know she is somewhere better. She deserves it.
Prophet out.