Sorry, my head wants to explode and I need to vent.

[20DNewbie]

Background.

I work with a photog that mainly does portraits, but also does weddings on the side and is working on getting a business started. She's been to a proper photo school, but didn't know primes until I started talking to her about them trying to get her opinion. Had to explain the whole exposure bracketing concept to her the other day and had difficulty grasping it.

She's doing a wedding and asked what lenses I have, she then asked if she could borrow my 50 1.4 and my 70-200 2.8. Now only having the latter less than 48 hours the obvious answer was no way, but I did let her borrow the 50 for a couple of days in advance so she could get used to it having never used anything that fast.


Situation.

So, I've got a family get together the day after the wedding and asked her when she returns the lens earlier in the day, could I borrow one of her flash units since she's not shooting that day.

Nope, sorry, don't have any spares.

Immediately I was taken aback, then I wanted to grab her by the throat and bash the bejesus out of her but she's a girl and that's not an option.

It just floors me that she had the stones to ask to borrow just shy of $1,500 in gear and say no to lending less than $300 worth.

So after today I'll NEVER lend her even an opinion on something let alone ever glance upon my gear again. The second my little 50 is back in my hands, she's dead to me.

Am I overreacting? I have a tendency to do that when I think I've been wronged.

Thanks everyone for putting up with my rant, I feel much better.

[Ronald S. Jr.]

Any chance she really did need whatever units she had? It was rude, yes, but is there any chance she really couldn't spare one?

[cosworth]

Here is the capitalist angle. Put her out of business. Shoot weddings better than her and conquer the world.

Here is the "nice guy" angle. School this lady in the ways of the force like your father before you. Maybe she'll make you her partner and together you can rule the galaxy.

Reality? Get your lens back and get on with life. Walk away.

[20DNewbie]

To Ron, nope she told me all she was doing the next day was some PP on the shots to get a head start on the process since her old man got stuck working.

To Cos, I have let it go and chalked it up to experience since posting. I was trying to be "the nice guy" and save her some money so she wouldn't need to rent one. Go figure, she's been a "Pro" for just over eight years and I've got better glass than she(got my 20D in Dec.). I just thought since she has four flashes and wasn't using any of them maybe....

Or she could go back to the school she went to and try to get some of her 30-40K she spent and buy her own, since this newbie was having to explain things to her she should have been taught.

Anyhow, lesson learned. From now on she can make the hour drive each way to rent glass.

[saravrose]

wow.. I got to tell ya, I have a photographer friend. we both shoot Canon and have exactly the opposite relationship. she's the only person that has been through all of my files, we will have crazy conversations that drive everyone around us crazy (kind of like POTN except real life).. and gear.. yeah, we have a mi casa su casa policy. If she's got something I need it will be in my hands within an hour of the request and vice versa.. my advice, get your 50 back and find yourself a better partner/friend.. this one isn't worthy.

sari

[Tee Why]

Sorry to hear. Doesn't sound like she has much to teach about photography either.

[BillMarks]

I think you are overreacting. You have essentially considered a fellow human being a non-person because of a piece of camera equipment. Life is way too short to get so riled up over something so small.

Rather than burn the bridge between you, you might consider discussing the situation with her. Tell her how you felt when she said no to you and explain why you felt that way. But be sure to use only words when you do this.

I bet you'll find that she was taken aback when you said no to her request to use your new lens. Maybe she was being petty by then saying no to your request. But I wouldn't hold being petty against her if I were you as it seems all she did was beat you to petty punch.

And if you really wanted to grab her by the throat and bash the bejesus out of her you might also consider joining an anger management class before you find yourself forced to attend one as part of a criminal sentance.

[weka2000]

Hell I would have given her both barrells. Hey borrow my stuff fine but dont let me borrow yours and you will reap my wrath.

Im on your side , wait till she comes back for a second loan :evil:

[20DNewbie]

Sari, not a big deal really, she was just a work friend at best so as far as I'm concerned it's no loss to me.

Bill, not to worry. The last fight(more of a scuffle) I was in was when I was 11, rapidly approaching 35 it's been quiet ever since. I want alot of things in life, doesn't mean it will ever be that way.:(

About writing someone off, I did it to my brother for 6 months because of the lack of respect he showed our mother while speaking to her. I warned him but he didn't listen. And at the time(I was 17-18 years old) he was in the next bedroom. Not a word, a glance, an acknowedgment of him even existing until my mother plead with me to speak to him again. He's never spoken to her like that since, so I guess my overreacting work out for the better on that one.:lol:

LOL, I've a habit of burning bridges and I kind of enjoy it. Ever forward.

[Woolburr]

Sounds like this woman has no concept of how to make the most of a potentially rewarding relationship. Lots of us trade favors, but you can't put a value on the favor. Sounds almost like she is trying to punish you for not coughing up your new 70-200. Friends like that you don't need. If you were closer, I'd loan you a flash without a trade, just because you are a POTN member.

[JCR]

BillMarks either has so far or will, live a long stress free life. He's right, it's only something material, not worth the stress.

There are many types of people in the world, some with humour, some without, some with anger issues, some with very selfish attitudes, what you can't do is judge everyone on your own morals. You would soon go crazy.

Talk to her, tell her how you felt. Might be the start of a better relationship, might not.. but what have you lost? ;)
On point of your brother... he obviously had scruples to begin with for being affected by your attitude, Ill bet he would have come to the same conclusion regarding his attitude to your mother sooner or later anyway.

jeez i sound like an agony aunt today :D

[sdommin]

Never let anyone borrow your photo equipment - they won't treat it with the same care that you do.

And never borrow anyone else's photo equipment.

[condyk]

Personally, I like to do what I think is right myself rather than allow my behaviour or emotions to be conditioned by those of other people. So, based on the OP's original response I can only say to him 'drop it/get over it' and then going forward do what you think is right next time. This may mean not lending your gear out or may mean lending it out, but whatever you decide do for the right reason and it will avoid undue hassle. I would certainly not lend anything without a simple agreement around damage/loss and an understanding when it would be returned.

[SuzyView]

Every time my gear goes out of my bag and someone else handles it, my blood pressure goes up. Granted, I allow my POTN buddies to switch with me all the time because I trust you all with gear. We all seem slightly neurotic about making sure all is in the right bags at the end, which is great. But for use in a professional situation, it's clear that all bets are off and people will do amazingly selfish and stupid things to protect their gear and not worry if they borrow from others. In this case, especially with women, and I am one, so don't give me any comback, please, a straight forward talk is required. Don't bash her in the head. Treat her like you would a male colleague. She can take it. I find the honest approach works best in professional situations anyway.

Oh, and can I borrow your 70-200 sometime? I'd let you use my flash. :)

[zacker]

first of all 20Dnewbie...I love your Avatar..GREAT MOVIE!! Secondly, I would have looked at her and said, in a wise ass tone, something to the likes of, "Nice, after I let you use my $1200.00 lens, you cant let me borrow a $300.00 flash? that aint right" then just walk away.
-zacker-

[BillMarks]

Zacker: He didn't let her use the expensive lens--only the $80 50mm. And that is really beside the point. Unresolved anger does no one any good. Using anger to motivate discussion will resolve the situation--either positively or negatively--but at least it will be resolved. Only then can one "move on" or "get over it." All that is left unresolved becomes "baggage." I would imagine anyone who enjoys burning bridges has several matching sets!

[20DNewbie]

Lol, I wish I could have got the 1.4 for $80.

[BillMarks]

Oh, sorry, thought it was the 1.8.

[Bruce Hamilton]

She's been to a proper photo school, but didn't know primes until I started talking to her about them trying to get her opinion. Had to explain the whole exposure bracketing concept to her the other day and had difficulty grasping it.

Either that was one piss poor photography school, or this girl has a brain with the retention of a flour sifter.

[Woolburr]

Either that was one piss poor photography school, or this girl has a brain with the retention of a flour sifter.

Deluxe School of Photography and Belly Dancing. We teach typing, bartending and international finance too!

[zacker]

Oh, sorry, thought it was the 1.8.


I was right, I was right.. Nyaaaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaaaa!! ;)

lol.. Forgive me, I just couldnt resist!!
-zacker-

[Ronald S. Jr.]

Deluxe School of Photography and Belly Dancing. We teach typing, bartending and international finance too!

LOL...reminds me of when my brother kept saying he wanted to do this and that as his major, but he would have to go to a school in Daytona Beach, Florida. We used to make fun of him and call it the Daytona Beach School of Basket Weaving. Worst part was, he really did try get Mom to let him go. :lol:

[Saralonde]

I'd let it go. Work with her, learn what you can (which may not be much) and if she asks to borrow just say, "Sorry, but I'll be using it that day" and never ask to borrow or lend from her again. Just chalk it up to a lesson learned.

[Titus213]

I've found that the big problem in burning bridges is that it makes it difficult for folks to follow in your footsteps.

On second thought, that might be a good thing in this case.

[Woolburr]

LOL...reminds me of when my brother kept saying he wanted to do this and that as his major, but he would have to go to a school in Daytona Beach, Florida. We used to make fun of him and call it the Daytona Beach School of Basket Weaving. Worst part was, he really did try get Mom to let him go. :lol:

I'll have you know, basket weaving 101 is a tough class!:evil:

[Ronald S. Jr.]

Oh I believe it. Especially when you're that hammered!