Photographers NEED to read this... Zillion posts of the baby photographer tripod joke

[wu_wei0]

Okay. Here's the funniest joke ever written. I've shortened it a bit to save bandwidth.


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Mrs. Smith fainted.

Reader's digest version? I like the original better, chief.

Hmmmmm. . . is that how you lost your tripods?

[Citizensmith]

Hey, thats even shorter than my version.
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showpost.php?p=3124439&postcount=46

Please note I'm linking to it and not actually re-posting to avoid being banned by Jon.

[belmondo]

Reader's digest version? I like the original better, chief.

Hmmmmm. . . is that how you lost your tripods? Yup. I lost Mrs. Smith's phone number.

Hey, thats even shorter than my version.
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showpost.php?p=3124439&postcount=46

Please note I'm linking to it and not actually re-posting to avoid being banned by Jon. I like your version maybe even better.:lol:

[Mrselfdestruct]

lmao, thats too funny!

[thomascanty]

Not just sixth time, but sixth time ON THIS THREAD!!!

That's only because when someone posts the joke somewhere, a mod merges it into this thread... ;)

[Jamie Holladay]

I don't get it but I think that Pud's adopted the baby on the back market.

[Permagrin]

I don't get it but I think that Pud's adopted the baby on the back market.

this is getting seriously surreal! :lol: I'll wake up tomorrow and you'll all be banned :lol:

[Woolburr]

Isn't Ban some fancy deodorant?

[Jamie Holladay]

Isn't Ban some fancy deoderant?
Yeah it's for women. Real mean use Right Guard.

[Jamie Holladay]

this is getting seriously surreal! :lol: I'll wake up tomorrow and you'll all be banned :lol:
nah. even so, then you and the girls will have run of the place.

[Citizensmith]

Nah, you can't ban Belmondo, he's a moderator so bans just bounce off him. And that stare, it'll deflect a lot too. I've tried having a blinking competition with his avatar and boy is it tough to beat.

Just don't stand near him in case the deflected bans hit you.

[Woolburr]

Yeah it's for women. Real mean use Right Guard.

Left Tackle.

[weka2000]

More like 6th in 3 weeks - count 'em. I swear, I'll ban the next person to post this one. It gets stale after 15 years.

LOL

[johnstoy]

Hilarious ... :D :lol: :D

[runninmann]

Left Tackle.Tight End!

[wu_wei0]

Yeah it's for women. Real mean use Right Guard.

Left Tackle.

Tight End!

Is it true that they only work if applied while singing "Backfield in Motion?"

[Woolburr]

Is it true that they only work if applied while singing "Backfield in Motion?"

Isn't that the fat lady version?:rolleyes:

[thomascanty]

Hey, look what I just found on the very last page of the General Chat forum: http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=26235

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[thomascanty]

I shoulda known you'd bring this back to page one, Wanda...

[cylentka]

;) :D :lol:

[Radtech1]

Hey, look what I just found on the very last page of the General Chat forum: http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=26235

Yup - second from the bottom on my likely incomplete list:

http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=94201
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90698
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=69149
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=64734
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=26235
http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=24548

And today makes 7 (that we know of!)

I did not know the mods were merging the threads. Does make it slightly more forgivable, but a lot less fun!

Rad

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cdifoto]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Um. Wow. :shock:

[tommykjensen]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ohh why did you have to do this. Jon has sworn he would ban the next person to bring that joke out again :evil:




(just kidding)

[CyberDyneSystems]

It looks as if this was in fact the first time it was posted on the forum.. and frankly I had no idea I was the first :)

[PhotosGuy]

Isn't that the fat lady version? No, this is:

Mrs.
Sm
i t h
fainted.

[cylentka]

If she were that fat she would have had a stroke, not merely fainted.

[Woolburr]

No, this is:

Mrs.
Sm
i t h
fainted.

And what did you have in your coffee this morning? hehehe:lol:

[cylentka]

Ohh why did you have to do this. Jon has sworn he would ban the next person to bring that joke out again :evil:

I couldn't help it, Belmondo took over my brain! :p Now where did I put my tin foil hat??

[CyberDyneSystems]

It's on the Cat I think?

[cylentka]

LOL :lol:

[PhotosGuy]

And what did you have in your coffee this morning? hehehe Just the major food groups: Sugar, caffeine, & nicotine? ;)

[breal101]

Enough already! Make this joke a sticky?:lol: :lol:

[breal101]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[cylentka]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

[steved110]

So why were all the other ones locked and this left open?

It's a great joke actually, and not surprising that with so many members it gets resurrected fairly frequently!

[Karl C]

Isn't Ban some fancy deodorant?

http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9719/ban2at.gif

[rklepper]

All forums need a resurrector (sic) of all things past.

[thomascanty]

So why were all the other ones locked and this left open?

Mod(s) playing games. ;)

[rklepper]

Actually, real men make their own. :D


Yeah it's for women. Real mean use Right Guard.

[AirBrontosaurus]

Finally, some original content on this site. Thanks CDS!!! ;)

[Permagrin]

Nah...REAL MEN just use duck tape :)

[rklepper]

Wow. We really need to find more things to do in Indiana.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Woolburr]

Wow. We really need to find more things to do in Indiana.

She escaped from the home sometime in the wee hours of the morning...our apologies go out to the forum until such time as she is located and back on her medications.

[cylentka]

She escaped from the home sometime in the wee hours of the morning...our apologies go out to the forum until such time as she is located and back on her medications.

Nope, not gonna take 'em! I mean, geez, they are for cows!! :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Never trust people that live on a plastic ranch. ;)

[subtle_spectre]

New meaning to hand-held!

[Woolburr]

Come down from the roof child...it is time for you and your little cat to slip back into your helmets and take a nappy nap.

[wu_wei0]

Isn't that the fat lady version?:rolleyes:
It could be, but how would I know???:rolleyes:

[Permagrin]

It could be, but how would I know???:rolleyes:

ah don't worry...I haven't done any singing lately so everyone's safe :lol:

[CyberDyneSystems]

I can't believe someone merged the whole mess.. ? :shock:

[Permagrin]

I can't believe someone merged the whole mess.. ? :shock:

Is that what happened? I thought it was just a 60's abuse flashback or something :lol: :lol:

[steved110]

Aaaah! a merger - I couldn't figure it for a while! Boy, that has taken a load of work on someone's part. no wonder the spam has been crazy this afternoon!

[belmondo]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Choo!! (It must be allergy season.)

[Karl C]

Choo!! (It must be allergy season.)

That or you forgot the second...



Choo!!



You know, because you enjoy trains...

:D

[belmondo]

That or you forgot the second...



Choo!!



You know, because you enjoy trains...

:D
Good point. Actually, if there's suposed to be two choos for every aaahhhh, I'm way short.

[Woolburr]

Chugga chugga...

[MDJAK]

funny story.

me

[wu_wei0]

Chugga chugga...
I can't stop this feeling
Deep inside of me.
Girl, you just don't realize
What you do to me.
When you hold me
In your arms so tight,
You let me know,


. . . .

oops wrong song.
that goes Ouga Chaka. . .

sorry

[Woolburr]

I can't stop this feeling
Deep inside of me.
Girl, you just don't realize
What you do to me.
When you hold me
In your arms so tight,
You let me know,


. . . .

oops wrong song.
that goes Ouga Chaka. . .

sorry

Ooooooooooga Chucka...rofl....the hits keep right on coming.

[wu_wei0]

Ooooooooooga Chucka...rofl....the hits keep right on coming.


moooooooga chucka;)

[thelightofsound]

This joke was just sent to me and I had to share it here. Enjoy!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat "
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too heavy to be held in the hand very long."
With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.

[thomascanty]

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh! It's back! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

[thelightofsound]

i should have know it would have made it's rounds around here already LOL i almost did a search for it.

[thomascanty]

i should have know it would have made it's rounds around here already LOL i almost did a search for it.

Yeah. It's been posted here a couple dozen times. :lol: There's a joke thread around here somewhere that the mods keep merging them into. The joke has become a sort of legend around here over the years. :lol: :lol:

[timbernet]

The joke has become a sort of legend around here over the years. :lol: :lol:


Years? Seems like months :-D Then there was that one week that everyone must have received it in their email and we saw 10 postings at once :-D

[thomascanty]

Years? Seems like months :-D Then there was that one week that everyone must have received it in their email and we saw 10 postings at once :-D

CDS was the first one who posted it. I think that was back in 2004. It's been years... ;)

[cylentka]

Now WHY did I click on this thread? :lol: :lol:

Oh wait, I didn't. ;)

[BeccaNH]

Now WHY did I click on this thread? :lol: :lol:

Oh wait, I didn't. ;)

I came in just to see Lonnie's reaction... I know how he loves this joke! :lol::lol:

[heidibot]

This couple's crazy. Whatever happened to a turkey baster?

[_aravena]

Man this is old. I remember seeing this on another forum. :lol:

[StewartR]

This would appear to be the 23rd time it's been posted on POTN.

[dseered]

MAKING A BABY...


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.



On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now;
The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well,
that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat'

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where
do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple
on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is
fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!' gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
but I'm sure you'd be disappointed w ith that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was
done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes
wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more
than three hours, too.

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached
I had to rush my shots.

Finally! , when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they
actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,
I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the
hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.........

[timbernet]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

;-)

[JWright]

Oh No, not again...

[JWright]

Oh No, not again... :evil::(

[shannyD]

LMFAO.. that was too perfect.

[KirkHMB]

Sheesh, we're only 3 days into the new year. Anybody want to start a pool as to how many times this will be posted this year, or when the next posting will be? Anyone in the pool is obviously prohibited from posting.

[belmondo]

If you're seeing it for the first time, it's very funny.

Most of us have seen it before. Those who have didn't read past the second line, so they weren't inconvenienced.

No harm. No foul

[Bootsie]

I haven't seen it before, so I thought that it was funny.

[dseered]

Oh No, not again... :evil::(

I did do a search, as a veteran forum user across many forums I knew it would have been posted somewhere, search didn't show it up though and I had not seen it before so post I did ;) still giggling !

[timbernet]

I did do a search, as a veteran forum user across many forums I knew it would have been posted somewhere, search didn't show it up though and I had not seen it before so post I did ;) still giggling !

No worries - the main discussion thread is here: http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=24548

[dseered]

No worries - the main discussion thread is here: http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=24548

As I say I figured it would have been posted at some point, title I had didn't match - still funny though :)

[ghostrider_9]

It's alomst as if I've seen this somewhere around here . . .

[Jon]

I did do a search, as a veteran forum user across many forums I knew it would have been posted somewhere, search didn't show it up though and I had not seen it before so post I did ;) still giggling !
Tried searching for "baby photographer joke" in the body of the thread? That turned up the omnibus thread you're now merged into and another thread posted when I wasn't around to stomp on it. I first heard it sometime in the '80s. It's beyond stale.

[CyberDyneSystems]

Funny thing, when I first heard this the word "Canon" was not involved in the end,. I recall it read "I need th tripod to rest it on.." in the version I read,.. but clearly then it was a no brainier to add in "Canon" for use in this forum.

I notice that in every version since even with the odd change here and there, Canon is now part of the punchline. Wonder if when you read it on a Noink forum it has teh original "it"

[dseered]

It came to me via a friend, via e-mail - wish I hadn't bothered.

[wu_wei0]

It always makes me giggle. Thanks for the smile!

[the_incubus]

haha this joke has its own thread? Sweeet! :p

Jake, i love your sig quote. גם זה יעבור

[Chiva]

Hi do you have any jokes that ARE PHOTOGRAPHY RELATED?
please post them.

I'll start with my favourite joke.

enjoy.


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family..

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half
an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened
to ring the doorbell! , hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my speciality?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat"

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with
that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "! This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her
mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
um.. Equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs Smith fainted.

[Pete]

<sigh>

Yes, we've heard that one before.

Several times.

[thomascanty]

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

(I'm laughing because Jon can't blame me this time!)

Oh yeah? I'm scanning PMs now - I'm sure I'll find where you've been PMing it to new people!

Jon

[gjl711]

Aw... come on, it's still funny.

Not if you first heard it over 20 years ago . . .

Jon

[cfpackerfan]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v436/cfpackerfan/doglaugh.gif

[belmondo]

The joke is cute.

What's really funny is the reaction every time it's posted.

[BillsBayou]

This joke isn't as tired. Maybe we can wear it out:

A photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. "These are very good!" she commented. "you must have a good camera."

At the end of the evening the photographer thanked the hostess and said, "That was a really delicious meal! You must have very good pots."

[thomascanty]

Oh yeah? I'm scanning PMs now - I'm sure I'll find where you've been PMing it to new people!

Jon

:shock: :shock:

I'll go crawl under the nearest rock now... :cool:

[PiRho]

OK, here's a few more I found:

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?


Well, I had heard most all of these, except this one! ROTFLOL that is great. the funny thing is, I could actually see this happening! thank you all for the great laughs.

oh yeah and I gotta share this one I heard about the smiths, you see mr smith was sterile so they got this baby photographer.... oh never mind.

~Z

[gjl711]

...oh yeah and I gotta share this one I heard about the smiths, you see mr smith was sterile so they got this baby photographer.... oh never mind.

~Z How does the joke end?

[Radtech1]

A boudour photographer in the south end of Detroit finds himself in a jam. He has rented a studio, lights, props and a nice medium format Hasse - but his model is a no-show.

Not wanting to waste the opportunity, he heads out to the Red Light district and finds a couple of "Ladies of the Evening", one of which has modeled for him before.

He gets the girls posed and returns to the camera, under the drape.

The new girl whispers to the other one, "Wat da hells he doin unner dare?"

The other girl answers, "Oh, he gonna focus."

Surprised, the first girl ask, "Bofus?"

[Packhorse-4]

How does the joke end?

The joke never ends - The photographer just keeps working his way through all of the Smiths in the phonebook. :lol:

[Rumjungle]

Don't know if you've read this before, but I just came across this and had a laugh:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On
the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be
here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come
to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well,
that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really
spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased
with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.
I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure
you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of
a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when
you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
park to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide
with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than
three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack
it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll
set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very
long."

Mrs. Smith fainted:cool:

[Ronald S. Jr.]

I think the mods merged all of the threads about this joke some time ago. We shall see. :-)

[Woolburr]

Bye Andy....been nice knowing you!

[Bootsie]

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Not again. LOL

[Rumjungle]

My apologies. I guess I don't frequent the General Chat forum nearly enough because I've never seen this before.:D

[Chiva]

even i made the mistake of posting this joke...for the 67th time

[PiRho]

whats really funny is how stinkin OLD! this joke is. it is cleary from before digital and probably came from the early 1900s was a medium format camera. LOL i thought that the joke was funny the first 5 times too, so I'll forgive anyone who posts it... ONCE! (JK)
... good stuff, glad you got a kick out of the joke.

~Z

[gjl711]

Johann Zahn invented it in 1686 right after he wrote the Oculus Artificialis Teledioptricus Sive Telescopium. He was taking a picture one day with his new camera obscura one day when it came to him. Interestingly enough he was also a Canon in the church. So, not only did he invent the camera, and the joke, he also invented Canon. ;)

[belmondo]

It really would be interesting to know the true history of this. The first time I read it was back in the 1960s. It was a xeroxed copy of a copy of a copy.....

'Canon' was not a household name back then, and the word 'equipment' was used in the punch line instead.

[daveftm]

just received this from a workmate... bear with it. made me smile :D

Making a baby.


There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'


Mrs. Smith fainted

[Jon]

See also http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=24548&highlight=tripod+joke for a few previous postings.

[AcidLotus]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with t he results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

[DozerLYP]

someone needs to share this joke with some people that never heard of it, like go post it in a Nikon forum or something.

[belmondo]

someone needs to share this joke with some people that never heard of it, like go post it in a Nikon forum or something.

It wouldn't be as funny there.

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Noink on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

[PiRho]

It wouldn't be as funny there.

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Noink on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'


HAHAHAHAHa you know when you say it that way it DOES sound funny. in an oxymoronish way :rolleyes:

[Photo Ross]

The tripod canon part is the funniest part.

[Zilly]

ahh that reminds me of a joke a friend told me
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat "

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too heavy to be held in the hand very long."

With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.

[belmondo]

ahh that reminds me of a joke a friend told me
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat "

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too heavy to be held in the hand very long."

With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.

I don't get it. ??? Are there pictures that should accompany the telling of this 'joke?'

[belmondo]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat "

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too heavy to be held in the hand very long."

With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.


As I am about to be banned, I bid you all adieu.

[borneoeye]

( I don't know who wrote this but credit to whoever is the writer)

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted:lol:

[breal101]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Not again. Ban them!

[gjl711]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Not again. Ban them!
Yes, it's about time. We haven't had the baby joke in a few months now.

To the OP, you stumbled into joke hell. Actually this joke has become POTN folklore as it gets posted about every three months. ;):)

It's still funny though.

[borneoeye]

really sorry folks, I didn't do a RTFM. My apologies, moderators please delete/lock thread as you please. A good joke though,makes me proud that I am a CANON guy.;)

[michaelgreen78]

Make sure you check out the Joke Thread (http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=101187) as most of them are here.

[DozerLYP]

http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/edoom/cussing.gif

[greg20d]

only the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000th time its been here ...lol

[Andrushka]

oh my.... i have never heard this, it was pretty lame really... but i was having a rough day, so the joke lifted my spirits a little actually :-)

[gjl711]

only the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000th time its been here ...lol
Stop exagerating, it's only the 1,000,000,000,000,000th. ;)

[tommykjensen]

really sorry folks, I didn't do a RTFM. My apologies, moderators please delete/lock thread as you please. A good joke though,makes me proud that I am a CANON guy.;)

You know about 5 hours ago the mod team introduced a new forum rule!

Any member that posts this joke need to buy every moderator a lens/camera of his/her choice.

Yipiiii. I want a 500 mm f/4 IS L lens. Ship it to Copenhagen :lol:

[Jon]

And I really need a 1Ds III to replace my 5D . . .
This joke was ancient when it was first posted here; I personally first encountered it back in the '80s and even then it wasn't new.

[Olli]

I'm in the need of 5D MkII ... so pre-order please if you plan to post this joke ...

[thomascanty]

Any member that posts this joke need to buy every moderator a lens/camera of his/her choice.

Can we extend this to senior forum members also? Like, anyone who joined prior to 2004, or something like that... :D

[tommykjensen]

Can we extend this to senior forum members also? Like, anyone who joined prior to 2004, or something like that... :D

Sure why not. You guys have suffered too :lol:

[belmondo]

Can we extend this to senior forum members also? Like, anyone who joined prior to 2004, or something like that... :D
Phew. That would exclude me.

I personally think the joke should be mandatory reading for anyone considering membership here. They would then know they've seen it already, and would not be tempted to post it again.

[In2Photos]

You know about 5 hours ago the mod team introduced a new forum rule!

Any member that posts this joke need to buy every moderator a lens/camera of his/her choice.

Yipiiii. I want a 500 mm f/4 IS L lens. Ship it to Copenhagen :lol:
In that case...

Putting in my desire for a 500 f/4 as well. I presently reside in North Carolina. PM me for full address.

Thanks! :D

[thomascanty]

Sure why not. You guys have suffered too :lol:

Cool! Put me down for a 5D Mark II. :lol:

[PiRho]

Phew. That would exclude me.

I personally think the joke should be mandatory reading for anyone considering membership here. They would then know they've seen it already, and would not be tempted to post it again.

hahahahaha Tom I like your Idea best... (mostly because I don't qualify for a new peice of kit :( )
:lol: aaahhh to remember the day I first came across this thread conglomerate :lol: it was funny that once... now... that's a different story LOL

[DozerLYP]

Phew. That would exclude me.

I personally think the joke should be mandatory reading for anyone considering membership here. They would then know they've seen it already, and would not be tempted to post it again.

that's a great idea. when new member fill their application, put it in a scroll down window and the submit button at the bottom of it, to make sure they read it.

[Moppie]

Phew. That would exclude me.

I personally think the joke should be mandatory reading for anyone considering membership here. They would then know they've seen it already, and would not be tempted to post it again.


It would be possible to email it to all new members as soon as they sign up. :lol::lol:

[michaelgreen78]

It would be possible to email it to all new members as soon as they sign up. :lol::lol:

I think this should be a must! :D

[Jon]

Along with the $1 string monopod/tripod/image stabilizer (http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthread.php?t=438215) - good idea!

[eddarr]

We should put together a package for all new members that should include:

1. This joke.
2. Instructions on search usage and capabilities.
3. Instructions on how to post pictures and avatars.
4. An explanation of what the TF does and a list of who has already been eliminated as possibly being the TF .
5. This joke.
6. Why Lightrules is famous.
7. $1 string monopod/tripod/image stabilizer.

Any other items that must be added?

[michaelgreen78]

You should add the disaster story - the one where you have a choice between saving [insert your choice of famous person here] or photographing the event and finishing by asking what film/lens/aperture/iso/etc you should use...

[LightRules]

We should put together a package for all new members that should include:

1. This joke.
2. Instructions on search usage and capabilities.
3. Instructions on how to post pictures and avatars.
4. An explanation of what the TF does and a list of who has already been eliminated as possibly being the TF .
5. This joke.
6. Why Lightrules is famous.
7. $1 string monopod/tripod/image stabilizer.

Any other items that must be added?

We can omit #6 here :mad: