Limericks - a time for fun

[Tixeon]

If anyone here finds limericks offensive, please ignore this post. If you would like to contribute, please keep them as clean as possible. for those that don't know the rules - lines 1,2 & 5 must rhyme, and lines 3 & 4 must rhyme. I will start off with one of my favorites.....

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones we've seen,
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.


Have Fun!:D:D

[Tixeon]

Most limericks seem to be directed towards the ladies and I apologize if these offend anyone here.

Ok, one more...

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

[BeccaNH]

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And unless we are wrong
You expected this line to be lewd.

:D

[20droger]

The once was a girl from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not pretty and pink,
As you probably think,
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

[Tixeon]

There was a young girl from Peru,
Who decided her loves were too few.
So she walked from her door
With a fig leaf, no more,
And now she’s in bed -- with the flu.

[MSerfozo]

"I joined POTN for a spell
To learn about lenses," said Mel.
"You might find me funny
'cause I want to save money.
But I'll probably go straight to L."

[Tixeon]

"I joined POTN for a spell
To learn about lenses," said Mel.
"You might find me funny
'cause I want to save money.
But I'll probably go straight to L."

Hey! Cool!! An original......

He's a poet & don't know it, but his feet shore do show it - 'cause they're Longfellows. :D:lol: just kiddin' of course.

[MSerfozo]

Another

Camera equipment, I've bought it;
And what I haven't, I've thought it.
I'll get B&H online,
For some new stuff, so fine.
It's a sickness I tell you, I've got it.

[Control Group]

Inspired by MDJAK's math conundrum:

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

[StewartR]

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit moreBrilliant.

[StewartR]

There was a young man from Japan
whose limericks nerver would scan.
When people asked why
he replied, with a sigh:
"You know, I've given that a lot of thought over the years, and I'm coming round to the opinion that it's probably something to do with the fact that I always seem to try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[Control Group]

Wish I could take creative credit for that, but it's borrowed from the internet.

And, to stay on topic with more borrowed "works":

A friend who's in liquor production
Owns a still of astounding construction
The alcohol boils
Through old magnet coils
He says that it's "proof by induction"

Or, even worse:

There once was a girl named Irene,
who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then she has never benzene!

[Tixeon]

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she’d just “take a chance.”
So She let herself go
For an hour or so.
And now all her sisters are aunts.

[Tixeon]

There was a young girl from Knizes,
Who grew melons of two different sizes.
One was so small,
It was nothing at all,
But the other was large and won prizes.

[steved110]

These are all far too clean!

Could someone please please please post the first proper rude one?

I've got some crackers, but they are all so rude that to post them now would blow the thread apart!

[Control Group]

(Mods: if this is "over the line" for the forum, please don't hesitate to delete)

There was a young man, name of Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
We all must admit,
He's a bit of a sh!t,
But think of the money he saved!

[peacock]

Thre was a canon shooter from brum
who frequented the p.o.t.n forum
one day he got pissed
the best shot he missed
so he posted a blurry ducks...bum :p

[steved110]

Getting better! The whore in the cave is one of my favourites. i know one about a Whore from Azores that I could only post under a pseudonym, it's so rude...

But here's another favourite, actually written by the late Isaac Asimov, one of my heroes:

There was a young woman from Sydney
Who could take it clear up to the kidney
But the thrust of Alphonse
Barely reached to her mons
So he left her unsatisfied, didney?

[Tixeon]

Ok guys; I'm not sure how far the Mods will allow us to go & they should feel free to delete any that are too raunchy. Many of mine are just on the edge, so here's another.

There was a young student from Boston,
Who drove around in an Austen.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas.
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em

[Control Group]

Okay, how about this oldie but goodie:

A prostitute living in Kew
Once filled up her privates with glue
She once said with a grin
"They all pay to get in,
They can pay to get out of it, too!"

[Tixeon]

There once was a young girl from Norway
Who hung by her feet from the doorway;
Which worked out quite well,
'Cause when you rang her bell,
It actually turned out to be foreplay!

[Tixeon]

Hi All; Apparently limericks are not as popular as I thought, so, thanks everyone for your input. Thread is still open - post 'em if you have 'em. I have more but don't want to hog the thread.

[nippon24]

Don't know if it'll get past the Mods:
There was a young couple from Brighton
The man said, 'My God, you're a tight 'un!'
She said, 'Bless my soul,
You're in the wrong hole
But there's plenty of room in the right 'un'
Kenny ;)

[Tixeon]

Whoa Kenny! That's a good 'un'