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27th of August 2004 (Fri), 11:45
1. Glamour Photography: Pictures of women with no clothes on.
2. Figure Studies: Pictures of women with no clothes on.
3. Personal Work: Pictures of women with no clothes on.
4. Art Photography: Pictures of women with no clothes on, in Black and White.
5. Fine Art Photography: Pictures of women with no clothes on, in Black and White, shot with a view camera.
6. Editorial Fashion Photography: Pictures of underage women with no clothes on.
7. CD Photography Project: Pictures of women with no clothes on doing strange things with small animals.
8. Models Wanted For New Web Site: Pictures of women with no clothes on being very creative with fresh fruit and vegetables.
9. Wheezing: Sounds made by photographer when lifting any prop larger than a beer bottle.
10. Geezing: Long boring stories told to models during shoot by a very over-age adolescent (see: "editorial fashion photographer").
11. Wheezing Geezer: Large old fashion photographer with a studio in South Beach, Miami..
12. Full Time Professional Photographer: Someone whose spouse has a real job which pays the bills.
13. Commercial Photographer: Shooter who takes well crafted pictures which will get you laughed out of any editorial agency in NYC (but the checks will clear, and you can pay the rent, usually).
14. Wedding Photographer: Only photographer who drives a new car and actually supports his family.
15. Editorial Fashion Photographer: Photographer who's favorite phrase is, "Will you testify at my parole hearing?" and who drives an '93 Ford Tempo claiming it is a cleverly disguised Ferrari.
If you are a model, these are other phrases you need to know!
* "I have contacts at Playboy" Photographer who recently called Chicago to renew his subscription.
* "I shoot for Playboy" Photographer who submitted nude Polaroid's of his wife to "Swank" or "Hustler".
* "Playboy Style Photography" A photographer attempting to convince some poor model that he is NOT
trying to shoot the centerfold for "Gynecology Today" (Hint - He is.).
* "Editorial Fashion Photography" Who knows? By the time a tear gets printed the actual style has changed three times.
* "Trade Time For Prints" Model poses for pictures, then waits until hell freezes over for prints.
* "Prints are in the mail" The film isn't processed yet, the negs are lost, contacts misplaced, and hell has not yet frozen. Expect the phrase to be about as accurate as "Leave a number and I will call you right back."
* "Day Rate" A photographer's published charge for work, which he receives once a millennium and brags about forever.
Phrases Photographers Hear
* "Don't they look REAL?" Model interviewing for a centerfold (correct answer: "Gee, if you hadn't told me, I would have never guessed!" ...... Not: "Damn, I've seen less silicon in the entire output of Intel computer chips!").
* "I DON'T DO PORNO!" A new phrase which means "I don't do porno unless you have the $300,
preferably in cash."
* "My stats are.." A very complicated mathematical formula involving adding 4" to height and bust (apparently everyone gets measured wearing stiletto heels and a wonder bra), subtracting 4" from waist and hips and subtracting twenty pounds from actual weight. Hair color should be listed as "Evangelista" (changes daily, never the color of roots). Naomi Campbell is the roll model on age, each year she lists her age as one year less (according to that CNN report, she was 30 in 1998 and 29 in 1999, next season I will sign her as a new face.)
* "Real Work With Pay For Models" This is one thing I know nothing about.
2. Figure Studies: Pictures of women with no clothes on.
3. Personal Work: Pictures of women with no clothes on.
4. Art Photography: Pictures of women with no clothes on, in Black and White.
5. Fine Art Photography: Pictures of women with no clothes on, in Black and White, shot with a view camera.
6. Editorial Fashion Photography: Pictures of underage women with no clothes on.
7. CD Photography Project: Pictures of women with no clothes on doing strange things with small animals.
8. Models Wanted For New Web Site: Pictures of women with no clothes on being very creative with fresh fruit and vegetables.
9. Wheezing: Sounds made by photographer when lifting any prop larger than a beer bottle.
10. Geezing: Long boring stories told to models during shoot by a very over-age adolescent (see: "editorial fashion photographer").
11. Wheezing Geezer: Large old fashion photographer with a studio in South Beach, Miami..
12. Full Time Professional Photographer: Someone whose spouse has a real job which pays the bills.
13. Commercial Photographer: Shooter who takes well crafted pictures which will get you laughed out of any editorial agency in NYC (but the checks will clear, and you can pay the rent, usually).
14. Wedding Photographer: Only photographer who drives a new car and actually supports his family.
15. Editorial Fashion Photographer: Photographer who's favorite phrase is, "Will you testify at my parole hearing?" and who drives an '93 Ford Tempo claiming it is a cleverly disguised Ferrari.
If you are a model, these are other phrases you need to know!
* "I have contacts at Playboy" Photographer who recently called Chicago to renew his subscription.
* "I shoot for Playboy" Photographer who submitted nude Polaroid's of his wife to "Swank" or "Hustler".
* "Playboy Style Photography" A photographer attempting to convince some poor model that he is NOT
trying to shoot the centerfold for "Gynecology Today" (Hint - He is.).
* "Editorial Fashion Photography" Who knows? By the time a tear gets printed the actual style has changed three times.
* "Trade Time For Prints" Model poses for pictures, then waits until hell freezes over for prints.
* "Prints are in the mail" The film isn't processed yet, the negs are lost, contacts misplaced, and hell has not yet frozen. Expect the phrase to be about as accurate as "Leave a number and I will call you right back."
* "Day Rate" A photographer's published charge for work, which he receives once a millennium and brags about forever.
Phrases Photographers Hear
* "Don't they look REAL?" Model interviewing for a centerfold (correct answer: "Gee, if you hadn't told me, I would have never guessed!" ...... Not: "Damn, I've seen less silicon in the entire output of Intel computer chips!").
* "I DON'T DO PORNO!" A new phrase which means "I don't do porno unless you have the $300,
preferably in cash."
* "My stats are.." A very complicated mathematical formula involving adding 4" to height and bust (apparently everyone gets measured wearing stiletto heels and a wonder bra), subtracting 4" from waist and hips and subtracting twenty pounds from actual weight. Hair color should be listed as "Evangelista" (changes daily, never the color of roots). Naomi Campbell is the roll model on age, each year she lists her age as one year less (according to that CNN report, she was 30 in 1998 and 29 in 1999, next season I will sign her as a new face.)
* "Real Work With Pay For Models" This is one thing I know nothing about.