Discov3ry
17th of April 2008 (Thu), 12:35
Hi, my name is xxxxxxxx ( <-- if this is X'ed out that means my company's CyberProxyShoverBot did it to protect the information, that's how important and secret it is). I work for a secret company that contracts business with another major camera manufacturer. I can't tell you what we do. We are located in an underground post-military facility in a desert. I can't tell you which desert, then you could MapGoogle it, we don't want that for your own good.
Few days ago we had some sales guys (from the large camera company) stoped by to show us their newest product: 5D Mark II. Remember, we design some parts for that project so naturally we get the first look at the final product. I can't tell you what parts, for your own good.
We all met in the lab to take a look at it and when everyone went on a lunch break I faked out some food poisoning and stayed in the lab simulating puking in a corner sink. When they left I locked the doors and snapped some photos of the newest product.
This is the front.There are so many drastical changes I don't know where to begin:
-new color! Now it matches gold DolceGabana designer purses if you are a woman or a guy wearing one
-awesome built in flash bracket
-flash is color coordinated with the main body (isn't that cute)
-redundant viewfinder, in case a duck pokes one out
-aggressive shapes (retro old school look, sort of like the newest Dodge cars lineup)
-ergonomical shutter release button
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_front.jpg
This baby got back! Got it? Got back?
Completely redesigned back panel. Engineers, sales folks, along with the creepy basement janitor figured you don't need all those buttons anyway for anything else but to post stupid questions of their usefullness on the internets. So they got rid of them. Instead, all camera functions will be controlled by thoughts. Camera operator will be required to wear a special helmet, something like a F-16 Hornet pilots wear but available in all colors including pink, yellow, and gold to match the equipment.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_back.jpg
The newly designed flash unit is awesome as well. It's gold/black to look cute. It has some dials on it, a power on/off switch, and a label with a bunch of numbers on it. Overall it feels nice.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_flash.jpg
Considering that this camera listens to your brain waves you don't need to use any medieval stuff like multi function dials and buttons. See, evolution at work, soon photographers fingers will shrink to a size of small nipples just like dinosaurs grew up from an average size of an ant to something like a chicken. Note the only function (and it's new too) is the ability to tell your camera the wind direction. That's the new IS system. The built in gyro along with a lead counterweight work to reduce the camera sway during high wind situations: great for extreme mountain climbers and chimney sweepers. Also, there is a label to show you where the right side of the camera is so you don't smear the lens with your greasy nose.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_funtions.jpg
The lens is focus free and it's optical. What else you want to know? It's probably the least important part of the whole camera. You may like the fact that designers put gold stripes on the front to match your jewelery - classy!
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_lens.jpg
Technical specs for lens: 1:6.3, f = 50mm FTW!
Something that looks like a small sun, slightly bigger sun, and big sun helps setup the perfect shooting conditions. EXIF from this model has been updated to show those icons too.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_lens_2.jpg
The engineers completely skipped mirror, shutter, and some other mechanisms in favor of the sensor being directly connected to the viewfinder and to make room for the gyro (which btw. is an exact copy of the International Space Station gyroscope but made in Taiwan by 5 year olds for a $1 per week) and for the 3.5 lead counterweight. It is truly a WYSIWYG and engineering marvel.
This model also sports a cool self timer lever with nice red color accent on it. Simply, amazing.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_super_sensor.jpg
The newest feature is this viewfinder. Redundant in case a duck out of control pokes the primary one out. Or if you have a disfigured face you can use both at the same time. For those closeups and akward angle shots you can swivel the viewfinder. Ever done an under the duck shot? Now you can!
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_viewfinder.jpg
That's it for now. I only had a chance to snap those quick shots before Jeffrey Kafel from extreme lens hood research department stopped by with an unfinished bottle of moonshine which his grandpa has been brewing in the shed behind his trailer home. That was some good moonshine.
Next in series:
-3 stories drop
-vomit bath
-ducks per second test
-blindness by flash test
Stay tunned.
edit:
Forgot to mention that the flash cable protective plastic foil comes with the camera for no extra charge!
Few days ago we had some sales guys (from the large camera company) stoped by to show us their newest product: 5D Mark II. Remember, we design some parts for that project so naturally we get the first look at the final product. I can't tell you what parts, for your own good.
We all met in the lab to take a look at it and when everyone went on a lunch break I faked out some food poisoning and stayed in the lab simulating puking in a corner sink. When they left I locked the doors and snapped some photos of the newest product.
This is the front.There are so many drastical changes I don't know where to begin:
-new color! Now it matches gold DolceGabana designer purses if you are a woman or a guy wearing one
-awesome built in flash bracket
-flash is color coordinated with the main body (isn't that cute)
-redundant viewfinder, in case a duck pokes one out
-aggressive shapes (retro old school look, sort of like the newest Dodge cars lineup)
-ergonomical shutter release button
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_front.jpg
This baby got back! Got it? Got back?
Completely redesigned back panel. Engineers, sales folks, along with the creepy basement janitor figured you don't need all those buttons anyway for anything else but to post stupid questions of their usefullness on the internets. So they got rid of them. Instead, all camera functions will be controlled by thoughts. Camera operator will be required to wear a special helmet, something like a F-16 Hornet pilots wear but available in all colors including pink, yellow, and gold to match the equipment.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_back.jpg
The newly designed flash unit is awesome as well. It's gold/black to look cute. It has some dials on it, a power on/off switch, and a label with a bunch of numbers on it. Overall it feels nice.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_flash.jpg
Considering that this camera listens to your brain waves you don't need to use any medieval stuff like multi function dials and buttons. See, evolution at work, soon photographers fingers will shrink to a size of small nipples just like dinosaurs grew up from an average size of an ant to something like a chicken. Note the only function (and it's new too) is the ability to tell your camera the wind direction. That's the new IS system. The built in gyro along with a lead counterweight work to reduce the camera sway during high wind situations: great for extreme mountain climbers and chimney sweepers. Also, there is a label to show you where the right side of the camera is so you don't smear the lens with your greasy nose.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_funtions.jpg
The lens is focus free and it's optical. What else you want to know? It's probably the least important part of the whole camera. You may like the fact that designers put gold stripes on the front to match your jewelery - classy!
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_lens.jpg
Technical specs for lens: 1:6.3, f = 50mm FTW!
Something that looks like a small sun, slightly bigger sun, and big sun helps setup the perfect shooting conditions. EXIF from this model has been updated to show those icons too.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_lens_2.jpg
The engineers completely skipped mirror, shutter, and some other mechanisms in favor of the sensor being directly connected to the viewfinder and to make room for the gyro (which btw. is an exact copy of the International Space Station gyroscope but made in Taiwan by 5 year olds for a $1 per week) and for the 3.5 lead counterweight. It is truly a WYSIWYG and engineering marvel.
This model also sports a cool self timer lever with nice red color accent on it. Simply, amazing.
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_super_sensor.jpg
The newest feature is this viewfinder. Redundant in case a duck out of control pokes the primary one out. Or if you have a disfigured face you can use both at the same time. For those closeups and akward angle shots you can swivel the viewfinder. Ever done an under the duck shot? Now you can!
http://www.mariuszczyz.com/canon/canon_5d_II_viewfinder.jpg
That's it for now. I only had a chance to snap those quick shots before Jeffrey Kafel from extreme lens hood research department stopped by with an unfinished bottle of moonshine which his grandpa has been brewing in the shed behind his trailer home. That was some good moonshine.
Next in series:
-3 stories drop
-vomit bath
-ducks per second test
-blindness by flash test
Stay tunned.
edit:
Forgot to mention that the flash cable protective plastic foil comes with the camera for no extra charge!