Photoshopping the deceased

[JasonRussell]

Alright guys bare with me for a little back story here.

A few months back my ex girlfriend, from 10 years ago, little sister was killed on a ATV.

Well about a week ago I get a call from the mother asking me about doing a familly session so they can have some up to date pictures with the extended family when they come into town this weekend.

I got a call today asking about a few small details. Then she dropped a bomb on me. "How good are you with photoshop Jason?" I already senced what was coming next.

You guessed it.

She wants me to photoshop Megan, the deceased daughter, into one of the pictures because they donot have any recent family pictures with all the kids.

I tried backing my way out of this idea but she wasnt going for that option. I explained that because this photo was going to be taken with everyone wearing the same thing and any photo she has of Megan will obviously not have her wearing the same thing, nomatter how go a person was at PS, it would not look natural. The poses for this picture will not be able to replicate what Megan was doing in any pictures she has of her, etc, etc...

Now I am not only looking at this from the technical aspect but also from a moral point of view. I loved this girl like she was my own daughter and would have done anything for her. Going to the families house for the vigil tore me up inside. Looking at a picture of her would prob be very difficult for me also.

One more thought came into my head later after I hung up the phone. How, as a mother, could you think that altering a family portrait and adding in your deceased daughter, is a good idea?

Am I making a big deal out of this or what?

[TheHoff]

I'm not surprised this has '0' replies so far.

Wow, what an odd request to deal with. You can see where she is coming from but to me this is creepy. Your warnings were right on that no matter how much you try, there is a good chance it will not look seamless. You'll be relegated to taking the best photo of the girl and trying to simulate that lighting with the family.

Weird.. and like you, I wouldn't want to do it if it is someone I was close to.

I am, however, chicken to say that to someone who just lost their daughter, so I would simply excuse myself as "not good enough with Photoshop" to attempt it.

[sancho1983]

Agree with above, i don't think anyone could make it s good as they want/expect. Is a hard thing to broach with the family though

[JasonRussell]

Thanks guys ;) Only thing I could vome up with (I havent mentioned this to the family yet) is to maybe, just maybe, be able to use one of her pictures in a layer and lower the opacity and maybe add her face into the sky.

Either way Im not really feeling this shoot :(

[gjl711]

Ok, weird request and I'm going to skip on the moral part for clearly morals are based on an individuals own personal beliefs and who am I to stand as judge and proclaim what you want done is either ok or not. So, I have an idea from the technical side. if you have someone stand in for the deceased, about the same size and shape, dressed the same as the others, and posed with the rest of the group, then later all you have to do is photoshop in the head. Make sure that the stand in has their head in about the same position as the photo you are going to be using. This will make it look very natural and look as if the deceased was there and fits in and not as if she is there as an afterthought.

BTW, I used this technique to get a family portrait together as one member was not available at the time of the shoot and stopped by the day before. It worked out very nicely and unless you had seen the original pic you could not tell the difference.

[TheHoff]

I think what seems odd to us about this is that a photograph is a document of an event or a time in people's lives. What she's asking for is for you to create a memory and a time that never really happened -- the last time her kids were together -- and this seems like fakery to us. You might suggest to her that this sort of memorial might be more appropriate painted as an oil on canvas from photographs rather than an actual photo.

Thanks guys ;) Only thing I could vome up with (I havent mentioned this to the family yet) is to maybe, just maybe, be able to use one of her pictures in a layer and lower the opacity and maybe add her face into the sky.

Either way Im not really feeling this shoot :(

Yea this is a good way to go, too. I was going to suggest some sort of tasteful collage of images with her photo 'next' to theirs but not shopped into it. If they're the type to like the angel-in-the-sky feel then that may be appropriate.

[JasonRussell]

I think what seems odd to us about this is that a photograph is a document of an event or a time in people's lives. What she's asking for is for you to create a memory and a time that never really happened -- the last time her kids were together -- and this seems like fakery to us. You might suggest to her that this sort of memorial might be more appropriate painted as an oil on canvas from photographs rather than an actual photo.
Very well put ;)

[CBO]

what about just putting an oval cameo type picture of her in the corner?

[Karl Johnston]

I think you're blowing it up for more than it is, just do it if you want to or don't if you don't want to. I'd do it, it's no big deal in my eyes, give the family what they want and desire..who cares about ethics? They just want to remember their kid, no big deal.

[Mark Vuleta]

what about just putting an oval cameo type picture of her in the corner?


I agree with this. A few years ago, at a family re-union, I took some family group shots & latter added a picture of our recently departed Mother in an upper corner.

She actually stands out and the finished shot is "more" of a tribute to her rather than a standard group shot with her photoshopped in.

[elguapo]

How, as a mother, could you think that altering a family portrait and adding in your deceased daughter, is a good idea?

Am I making a big deal out of this or what?

What the family is requesting is common among bereaved families. Some also take large photos of their deceased child to portrait sessions. If you want more ideas, advice, or the perspective of bereaved parents, try asking at NOWISLEEP.COM, which is the discussion forum of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS.ORG.)

NILMDTS was featured in the 09 Feb 2009 issue of Newsweek. Here is a link to an online article. http://www.newsweek.com/id/182665.

There are many bereaved parents and professional photographers who are part of that organization. Professional photographer Sandy Puc (www.expressionsphotos.com (http://www.expressionsphotos.com)) from Colorado is a co-founder.

[LBaldwin]

I don't think it is odd at all. God send sends stuff our way from time to time to help ease the pain of loss. It does not have to be perfect. In fact I would guess that anything you do would be greatly appreciated. Do the best you can and then see how it looks.

I have had a few instances like this. One was my former landlord that passed away due to cancer. The only shot they had of him was a group shot from wallymart. He had terrible skin lesions, thick glasses with some serious reflections. His jacket was missing as he was in the back row. I recreated the jacket, added a tie, eliminated the reflections and turned it into a head shot for his headstone.

You can do this, use the love you had for her to guide your skills.

[jgrussell]

There's nothing at all unusual about this request. It's been done since the early days of photography. (Trust me: I'm a genealogist.) But if you personally are not comfortable, or feel your skills aren't up to the task, Just Say No.

[katodog]

Doesn't seem all that odd to me, especially in a world where people stuff there pets and keep the ashes of their loved ones on a mantle.