painting with light

[team haymaker]

so i tried it for the first time this past weekend, im very new to photography and would like any help you can give me with respect to making my shots better for next time.
basically it was a black parking lot at an abandoned factory, no lights,
20 second exposure
TV mode
with a 1,000,000 candle power spotlight.
the one thing i dont like about the light is that the pattern is very wide and light is thrown everywhere so its not a very concentraded beam. but it was cheap and i wanted to see if i could even do it before getting a better light.
anyways heres 2 from that night, converted from raw wih minor contrast adjustments in DPP

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2471/3686804051_e52a49da41_b.jpg

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2672/3686820379_fe433abb0a_o.jpg

[Robert_Lay]

I suppose that the basic idea has merit, but it fails in execution. There is very little difference, if any, between these shots and what you would get in any similarly isolated spot with a flash.

Sorry, but it does nothing for me.

[DerekSimon]

A very nice attempt but I am just not feeling the overall work. I would suggest reading up further and seeing what tips photographers could offer.

[team haymaker]

yeah thats exactly why i have it posted in this section. ive been reading up alot on tips on how to perform this correctly / better.
i cant justify buying more flashes or a lighting setup at this time so thought id try it this way.
thanks

[tkbslc]

I think you are just lighting up the whole side evenly like if a straight on flash popped. Might as well just do a straight flash pop! Get more creative with the areas you light and what you don't. Maybe light the back, or just the underneath, etc. Something different and/or dramatic that makes people take a closer look. Look at car shots you like and think where the light came from and how you could recreate it .

[team haymaker]

ah your right, thank you. thats what i needed, well now i have something to think about for the week and back at it friday night.