I have the Models and the Time BUTTTTT...

[Domwolf]

Hi all .

My problem is one that maybe someone can give me some advice on.

I love Photography and now i have the time and money to dabble more into it ( I'm 36 and my kid is older (16) and a good stable job, hence time and money ). I have Many Model friends that are willing to have me Shot them . Great.

My Problem is my Adoring Wife. Since it's only really been like 1 years that a really have put my energy into this hobby she has been kool with it , but now ( even though we have talk ) since i have the chance to photograph models and such she is getting a bit jealous.

I love my wife and yes more than photography , but i would like to find a balance . I invite her to the shots and she has gone to like 2 and they have been very weird and not productive.

I know guys that have hobbies that there wives let them be , but i can understand why my wife acts that way cause of this hobby.

The question is has anyone had this problem and what can you tell me.

[beezwax]

shoot your wife

or

have her help you

[arnie12]

shoot your wife

You may want to be more specific...

[beezwax]

You may want to be more specific...


use your imagination

[Domwolf]

You may want to be more specific...

JAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJ that was funny ajajajajajaajajajajajajajajajajaja:)

[Domwolf]

shoot your wife

or

have her help you


I have take pics of her but she is not into the whole setup type pictures

I have had her help , but like i said she acted weird and the shot was not fun and you know that to shot models it must be fun to get good pics

[beezwax]

if she's not comfy with you shooting clothed wiminz w/o her around then you should shoot something else... esp since you said you love her more than photog....

just my .02


and and FWIW.... shooting birds to me is boooooooorrrrr------iiiinnnnnggggg!!!

[FlyingPhotog]

Just out of curiosity, is your "day job" 180 degrees different than photography?

My wife has never known me without a very strong and passionate artistic aspect to my personality and I'm just wondering if your relatively new interest is (for lack of a better term) "out of character" in comparison to what your wife may be used to.

[beezwax]

good point!!!

[darkness77]

You mentioned you talked to her. Did she say what makes her uncomfortable with you taking pictures of models? I know my wife doesn't like it much when I don't spend quality time with her she feels neglected, or I am paying more attention to someone else.

[Domwolf]

Just out of curiosity, is your "day job" 180 degrees different than photography?

My wife has never known me without a very strong and passionate artistic aspect to my personality and I'm just wondering if your relatively new interest is (for lack of a better term) "out of character" in comparison to what your wife may be used to.

Yes it is , Totally very far from it .... indoors all day on the phone all guys no women except the cleaning crew ......so yes Good Point

[Domwolf]

You mentioned you talked to her. Did she say what makes her uncomfortable with you taking pictures of models? I know my wife doesn't like it much when I don't spend quality time with her she feels neglected, or I am paying more attention to someone else.

No it's not that i spend lots of time with her ....... I think it has to do with my personality since a part a me she knew but probable can't remember has to be afloat , the Mr. Nice Talk Alot , Laugh Alot and make women feel comfortable persona which for a photographer is a must but not if your not.

[FlyingPhotog]

Yes it is , Totally very far from it .... indoors all day on the phone all guys no women except the cleaning crew ......so yes Good Point

It may also be the level of enthusiasm and/or focus you probably display regarding photography.

People who've never before seen me on the job always comment about the "fire in the eyes" and energy level that I display at work that they may not have seen from me in social settings.

[Domwolf]

It may also be the level of enthusiasm and/or focus you probably display regarding photography.

People who've never before seen me on the job always comment about the "fire in the eyes" and energy level that I display at work that they may not have seen from me in social settings.

Yes i can see that , cause i really get into it ....... very good point

[FlyingPhotog]

Yes i can see that , cause i really get into it ....... very good point

Nothing succeeds like success...

Bag a few stunning images and I think people will see you're committed and not just a "Guy With Camera..."

Good Luck

[darkness77]

Nothing succeeds like success...

Bag a few stunning images and I think people will see you're committed and not just a "Guy With Camera..."

Good Luck

Yup I definitely agree with this.

[hawk911]

it's the age old dilema of making her feel secure in whatever you do that she's not a part of. The part that complicates this is the women. Would she feel as threatened if you were out shooting trains? Prolly not, unless your fellow train watchers were women. I have had this conflict with my wife for a few years now too. I was able to take some awesome pictures of my wife, but she still doesn't like other women flashing skin at me. I keep it PG rated for any of the models I shoot, which helps.

I disagree with the idea of getting her to help you on shoots. If she's not a skilled MUA or stylist, she'll be a distraction for you and the model. The model may not open up (or didn't in your experience) because she'll feel judged. The only way you could have your wife help is if she truly wants to help, not be there as your moral compass.

Getting some great shots will certainly help your credibility for both models and wife. I can look at my images from a year ago and see a vast improvement. That will help, but it is not a cure for your wife's insecurity.

[IUnknown]

What do you consider a beautiful image? I see a lot of beautiful work on here with senior portraits and engagement photos, less threatening. Put her first, give it some time, and if she gets comfortable great, if she doesn't, you picked her, so don't try to change her because that causes problems. Loves about being selfless, not selfish.

Look up on meetup for local model/photog clubs. Having a group of people all working on the same objective of creating a beautiful picture might introduce her to how fun the hobby can be. This is a great group and highly recommended. A lot of classy work comes out of the shoots,
http://www.photogshootout.com/

Trust your wife, she could help take your portfolio in the right direction. Think of her as a future client that you have to build a reputation with by showing them what you've accomplished in the past.

[reddragon]

my wife used to be like that would sometimes sulk for days after lol would always show her all the images taken i think she used to wonder how you made them smile like that
now i get her to come and help not just stand there holding the light i get her involved in directing the models (its amazing the smile you get from the model when the wife says something rude to them me i would have got a slap) and showing her the images as were working and getting her ideas
mind you just did a implied nude rugby shoot with her helping and i think she enjoyed it a bit to much lol she had to keep covering up the guys bits and bobs lol

[Absolutely Fabulous]

There ARE other types of photography ;)

Does anything else interest you? What kind of G&N do you do?

When your wife sees you work what does she say? Anything?

Some girls are more cool with those sorts of things than others. I'm an ex model, I know nothing happens on these shoots most of the time. IDK what you look like, maybe your good looking and girls hit on you, maybe your an 500lb bald guy and girls don't hit on you, hard to know.

I do know that if my husband got into photography and that was the only thing he wanted to shoot I'd be ticked, but thankfully that won't ever happen!

[*Knowledge*]

Incorporate your wife more during the shoots, don't just let her stand around and observe. Have her help you with lighting, reflectors, hair, posing, etc. Give her some instructions that will help you out. She might find it to be pretty cool to partake in your hobby or she may dislike it & find it to be uninteresting and harmless if you shoot on your own.

[Domwolf]

Thanks all for the Advice , you are all very helpfull

[Tyler's Mom]

Try to Get her Involed in it. She might have a Change of Heart when she actually is there at the shoot helping (this is just a my view on it )

[crowflyawa]

if your serious about your girl let her know it, and photographing models will make most girls uncomfortable. if you are serious about her and if she has a low self esteem or something maybe you should make new friends, and no more models for friends and no more taking their photos.

if a woman has a issue with you taking oither girls photos, making her part of it can be very bad.
not speaking of it can be a good thing for some relationships.

[DruWade]

In time, your wife will become comfortable with it. You just need to keep talking and involve her in your journey. Always show that she is the most important, always give her the time of day. Around that, shoot away.

[hawk911]

In time, your wife will become comfortable with it. You just need to keep talking and involve her in your journey. Always show that she is the most important, always give her the time of day. Around that, shoot away.

I beg to differ with you; not all of them do get comfortable with it, no matter how you involve them or try to keep them first and foremost your "top model".

[elipkin]

I looks like I am blessed. My fiance does not mind and even supports me shooting models. I do show all pictures to her and get her input when I am retouching etc. She is also doing shoots with me but when I am shooting someone else she is NORMALLY not there, she might stop by for a few minutes once in a while.
I guess it also helps that all of my stuff is pretty PG13 at this point. If I ever choose to shoot something racier I would ask her opinion first. If she is not comfortable I will not do it. I guess it is important to build trust with your partner in the every day relationship, not just as far as photography.

[blink_72]

My wife is the same way. I can do anything i want. She okay'd me to tour europe with my band while she stayed home and took care of my baby. But I can't get models to shoot. She's okay if thier clothed. But anything less than jeans and T Shirt is a no go. I can do anything with her. But i can't share cause She's thicker and has stretch marks. (Used to be a size five till she had our daughter now re's like a thirteen.)

[charlesu]

Tough one. Have you been able to have a completely open dialog about a shoot? If so, do you know what her deepest concerns are? Cheating is one I hear all the time because it's usually a fella working with attractive women. This isn't too much concern for my wife as I am fat and middle aged. No models chasing me and I am too fat to chase them. Besides, I'd rather have a pizza and some beer.

Anyway, if it is cheating, that's a tough one because that fear can run pretty deep. Another possibility is that she might feel inadequate. Like there is a womanly need that she is not able to provide, which is NOT what this is about.

Either way, that can make harmony pretty difficult.

You have invited her to shoots and it sounds like that didn't work. Have you considered taking her to a good local or regional workshop? Perhaps attending someone else's professional event would be enough of an ice breaker to get her to open up more, or get her to see that its' just professionals working together as in an office, though one has some or all clothing off. At the end of the day the models wrap up their work and go home just like you do in an office.

Either way, good luck.

[hawk911]

Anyway, if it is cheating, that's a tough one because that fear can run pretty deep. Another possibility is that she might feel inadequate. Like there is a womanly need that she is not able to provide, which is NOT what this is about.

Mine tells me all the time she can't give me what they can. I said they can't give me what she can- 2 kids, a beautiful house, a loving relationship, and the safety and security of a lifelong commitment.

[saturnin]

this is one of those "never win" situations... sorry to hear that man.... been there done that..

if you give up on the idea..you will hate yourself because its something that you want to do... never mind that it is shooting glam or whatever. It could be shooting anything - people always want to control others.

if you keep going with it, the wife will hate it and could lead to possible issues in the relationship

its a catch 22 - you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't - doesn't matter how often you talk to her and how much you explain that you don't feel anything for these models... she might understand it for a day but after its back to normal. Unless she feels passionatley about something in her life, she will not understand how you feel. People who don't have interests, hate ones that do and are doing something positive.

i understand that relationships are based on compromise and trust - so if you show the trust(lets say that you did) over the years there should be that compromise... but when it comes to this..there is none of it(the compromise i mean) - pretty cool huh?

my EX knew that i was an artistic person and she still tried to change me and thought i'd "grow up" out of it.. well that didn't happen...luckily we didn't have any children...

i hope you figure that $hit out man...good luck..

[aroundlsu]

I have never been married, but every single one of my girlfriends has always been jealous of the models, even if they say it's no big deal. To avoid the stress, I do shoots without telling them (like it was any other job at work) which results in even more problems once they see the shots posted on my Flickr. I try to ignore it. My attitude is if the girlfriend doesn't like it she is welcome to hit the road. I know your situation is much different being married and having children.

Another problem I have is I am very open to helping young photographers starting out since a lot of people helped me when I was in high school and college. I have had several female high school "shadows" (interns, basically) and that always causes jealousy with my girlfriend.

No solution really except to stay single. :)

[hawk911]

this is one of those "never win" situations... sorry to hear that man.... been there done that..

if you give up on the idea..you will hate yourself because its something that you want to do... never mind that it is shooting glam or whatever. It could be shooting anything - people always want to control others.

if you keep going with it, the wife will hate it and could lead to possible issues in the relationship

its a catch 22 - you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't - doesn't matter how often you talk to her and how much you explain that you don't feel anything for these models... she might understand it for a day but after its back to normal. Unless she feels passionatley about something in her life, she will not understand how you feel. People who don't have interests, hate ones that do and are doing something positive.

i understand that relationships are based on compromise and trust - so if you show the trust(lets say that you did) over the years there should be that compromise... but when it comes to this..there is none of it(the compromise i mean) - pretty cool huh?

my EX knew that i was an artistic person and she still tried to change me and thought i'd "grow up" out of it.. well that didn't happen...luckily we didn't have any children...

i hope you figure that $hit out man...good luck..

AMEN BROTHER!!!

[TooManyHobbies]

Have a village if you are doing a risque shoot (MUA, assistent, escort, hair stylist, wardrobe stylist, etc.) and have an excuse for doing one like a website, rounding out your portfolio, thinking of doing this when you retire or can make as much as the day job, clients that want the shot, etc. Have a lot of professional rules of conduct or proceedures when executing your shoot and precautions for maintaining your family's security and minimizing risk.

Of course I have always told my wife I would never cheat but would rather live in misery then break up the family because of the kids. I might of said I love her too.

[Comerfjc]

Mine tells me all the time she can't give me what they can. I said they can't give me what she can- 2 kids, a beautiful house, a loving relationship, and the safety and security of a lifelong commitment.

Y'know, those things are all nice, but it sounds to me like your wife doesn't feel-- I think "captivating" would be a good word. A lot of gals respond with insecurity to their husbands doing female model shots because they pick up on which of them actually captivates the husband's attention.

Be careful.

[hawk911]

Y'know, those things are all nice, but it sounds to me like your wife doesn't feel-- I think "captivating" would be a good word. A lot of gals respond with insecurity to their husbands doing female model shots because they pick up on which of them actually captivates the husband's attention.

Be careful.

and when I try to get her in front of the camera, she balks like crazy. I can't win either way. I've posted some of the results of our shoots, and got little commentary on her appearance, which only strengthened her argument that she's not what people want to look at.

[saturnin]

I will freely admit that i have given up many things for my ex of 7 years(way too many)...
...and i know that i shouldn't have...but there comes a point in the relationship that you think that you can make it better by sacrificing yourself for the other person. In reality what you are doing is lying to yourself and only causing more problems in the long run. We only have one life - i would imagine our goal is to make the best out of it. Some have aspirations others don't..anyway...by giving in you have just given the other person all the power they need - they realize that you folded and will do it again when the pressure comes. I'm not saying that you shouldn't ever do that - there is a time and a place for everything in the relationship but you as a person have to decide when that is...and that is the most fun aka difficult part of humanity. So maybe in the OP's case this is the time, or maybe not. We don't know that. Only the OP can decide that.

We as people want to be happy, we want to make our partners happy(most of the time - but we realize that won't always be the case). What we don't want is to be put in the situation where our happiness is being challenged. This is also tricky as happiness is subjective. As in the case of the OP - her happiness is being challenged by him taking glam photos, his happiness is being challenged by her not liking him taking the photos. Quite the dilemma, no one said life was easy.

[JoeyBowman]

I am happy to know that for the most part I can shoot what ever I want.

Then again, my girlfriend and I are business partners and on top of that I would say she trusts me, and vice versa. What I "cant" shoot is stuff that I have no interest in shooting in the first place.