Need some advice...

[Valigrrl]

I've been asked to do a family session... However they recently lost a child due to stillbirth. They asked me to somehow incorporate the ultrasound image into the family photo... Does anyone have any nice ideas on how I could do this for them?

Thanks for your help!!

[mathogre]

I saw your post. I went to your site. I saw the NICU link and checked your bio. Obviously you're connected to some degree to some of the tragedies families experience. For those not familiar with it, NICU stands for Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Google "nicu" if you wish to know more.

I'm an amateur wrt photography, but know a little something of the NICU. When our daughter was born 11 years ago, she spent 8 weeks in the NICU, and my wife spent about 4 weeks in the hospital on two visits herself, with a little time in ICU herself. Fun times. Both are here today and generally in good health. We got lucky. Not everyone does.

Were it me, my sense would be to have the family photographed while one member holds a nicely framed print of the child in the ultrasound image. To make it happen, I'd probably take the ultrasound image, process it for sufficiently high contrast, and print it with a matte finish. I assume the ultrasound is monochrome, so processing it to make a good print should be pretty easy. Size should be large enough to be seen in a family photo, probably no smaller than 8" and no larger than 12" on any side. Frame should be simple and black with a matte finish. I'd want to get that photo done in advance, and try some test photos with that and a model or two to ensure proper lighting and minimal reflections.

For the family, that's their child in the image. This is how they want to deal with their grief. Good luck. Whatever you end up doing, I know you'll do well and they'll appreciate it. I hope this helps!

[Valigrrl]

Thanks for your reply, Mathogre! I will ask my client to scan her ultrasound for me. I don't dare ask for it so that I can do it! I think this would be the best way to approach this session. :)

As for the NICU, I spent far too much time there with my little guy. He spent 4 weeks in the NICU, then went to the Hematology/Oncology unit... He was born with SCID (severe combined immune defiency) - Bubble Boy Disease. He (and I) spent the next 9 months there, with a few visits to the PICU. He did pass away at the age of 16 months.

The NICU section you saw on my site was where I was gonna to discuss my involvement with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, a volunteer Infant Remembrance photography organization. I thought that based on my personal experience that it would be wonderful to be a part of such an organization. Iwas wrong! After a few sessions, my nightmares returned so I have removed my membership. :( Ahhh the curveballs...

[mathogre]

Val,

I'm glad I could offer some useful ideas.

I'm so sorry about your son. I had no idea.

I can certainly understand your reaction with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Our NICU has "reunions" for families. We received an invitation to one many years ago. We went. I never want to go to another ever again. It brought back to mind all of what we experienced. Knowing what you went through brings that back again, as clearly as if it were happening now. (It's okay. It's real.)

I'm sure you're trying to deal with how to handle this family session. I see a few things to consider, which you're probably already doing. First, you can bring something into this that another photographer might not be able to do. You've been there and know something of what that family knows. You can help create a set of photographs that will help them remember in ways another photographer could not. Second and in contrast, you could over work a situation that doesn't necessarily need to be as complicated and emotionally charged. Another photographer might be able to have an easier time, not being as affected.

Third and probably most importantly, consider yourself and your situation. If this is something you'd rather not do, there's nothing wrong with declining and suggesting someone who could do as good a job as you. You know what you experienced with your child. You know your experience with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I'm sure you could do fine with this other family, but at what personal cost to you?

You'll do fine whatever you decide. Good luck and Peace.

Graham

[Kerilynn]

This is heartbreaking :-( So sorry for your loss

[Nanboh]

Dear Val
So very sorry to hear your story about your son--how truly sad for you yet how generous of you to try and help others.
I like the above suggestion--another might be a composite frame of several images of the family including the ultrasound. Either way, I would consider using Black and White if possible so that the ultrasound is more incorporated with the rest of the photo(s).
Best of luck with it and bless you for helping them with this.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

I wanted to offer a hug, I'm sorry for your loss! We've spent our time on the hema ward too

[Valigrrl]

Thanks for all of your feedback as well as sympathies. He passed 4 years ago so I am coping, or doing my best!

I've asked the mom to scan her ultrasound which she'll send inthe next few days. I will share the results of the shoot with you all!

AbFab, mind if I ask why you spent some time on the hema ward? No need to answer if it's too personal. :)

[keddy10]

Hi Val,
what a wonderful project you are working on. I really like the ideas already posted, and I have another one. Not sure how it will show up in the photo..see what you think.

My good friend's mom volunteers for a group at our local hospital that creates broaches/badges(don't know exactly how to describe them) from the ultrasound of stillborn babies. They put together a care package for the parents and suggest that they try wearing the broach for a set amount of time to help with the process of letting go. Anyways, it is a wonderful program, and the ladies hand sew what almost look like mini quilted picture frames. Possibly the family that you are doing the shoot for could create something like that for the mom, or even all of the family members to wear. I'm in a pretty small community, so another purpose it serves, its to help let others know of their loss without the family having to go into detail over and over.
Anyways, good luck and I am sure whatever you do will be wonderful and very appreciated!

[Valigrrl]

Mom sent the scans this morning! Thanks for all of your ideas.

[mathogre]

Wow. That's great! Let us know how it goes. Be good to yourself through this too.