Pictures of the deceased

My 30 year old cousin passed away a few weeks ago in a tragic work accident. He wanted to be cremated so they didn't have funeral but his friends at work rented a banquet hall and held a very informal memorial serive for his friends and family to get together and celebrate his life. As soon as I walked in the door my uncle, his father, asked me if Ibrought my camera. I specifically brought my 30D and gear hoping that I would get a chance to shoot some pics of my family that are across the country. My cousins remains were not present, but I still felt a little weird about it at first. Pretty soon I had family members asking to get shots with other family members and his co-workers (both my cousin and his dad, my uncle, had worked with these guys for many years and were close) were asking for shots with his dad... I have a whole stack of email addresses to send shots to when I get through them all. It was a small gesture that was greatly appreciated by my family. The gist of my post is that if the husband wanted the shots, then the rest of the family has no business worrying about it. I am sure that it will mean a lot to him and he will appreciate you for doing it..

When my grandpa died, my father took pics of him in the coffin. He finished one roll of film then started another but there wasn't any shots of grandpa on the second role, only the first. When he changed film, one of the family members present managed to steal the roll that had just been shot. She objected to anybody taking any pics at the time but with him being the son, his wants went before hers. In the end, she won as she stole the film.

When my grandmother dies it won't be an issue. She will not be permitted in the funeral home as she steals something or manages to cause some sort of trouble any time she comes around

My point is, those pics meant a hell of a lot to my father. My grandmother didn't object to them being took so it was nothing to the cousin. Later, there was no way he could reshoot them because he didn't discover the film was missing until after the funeral.

misskitty5077 wrote in post #2672157
When my grandpa died, my father took pics of him in the coffin. He finished one roll of film then started another but there wasn't any shots of grandpa on the second role, only the first. When he changed film, one of the family members present managed to steal the roll that had just been shot. She objected to anybody taking any pics at the time but with him being the son, his wants went before hers. In the end, she won as she stole the film.

When my grandmother dies it won't be an issue. She will not be permitted in the funeral home as she steals something or manages to cause some sort of trouble any time she comes around

My point is, those pics meant a hell of a lot to my father. My grandmother didn't object to them being took so it was nothing to the cousin. Later, there was no way he could reshoot them because he didn't discover the film was missing until after the funeral.

You know, there's always some a$$ who thinks their wants and desires should always trump those of everyone else.

Mark

True Dat !!!

I took pictures throughout my mother's entire funeral. She died unexpectedly at 53. I had plenty of pictures of her alive, but wanted to have those shots that I could go back to when my mood warranted. I asked my Dad about it before I did it. I felt he was the only person I needed approval from, and he actually wanted me to as well. I shot the flowers, got just a couple of quick shots of her in the casket and a shot of the casket from a distance, and a shot of the panel in the lid of her casket. I didn't spend much time shooting her, but then I made sure to get the flowers at the gravesite as well. I didn't care what anyone thought. she was MY mom, MY best friend, and my Dad was on board. I don't have the photos of her body displayed anywhere, and most days don't want to look at them. But they're good to have on those days that my heart is heavy with missing her, and I browse through ALL of the photos I have of her. She looked beautiful, and it doesn't pain me to remember her in that way at all.

Anyway, no, I would not feel bad. It really is a very personal thing that is between you and her husband. No one else matters. If they don't like it, they don't have to look at it.

My local newspaper The Plain Dealer started including photos in the obituary section 15 years ago. I do read the obits daily Not all survivors choose to include a pic with the notice Some that do furnish awful images that are rudely cropped or of bad resolution. Is there a market out there at funeral parlors of shooters who won't mind capturing an embolmbed face for publication? It must be a real problem for funeral directors I'd buy a 35MM lens and do it myself if the money was there. Thoughts,experience?
Sam

I don't think I would have been able to go ahead with something like that, and I strongly commend you for following through and being there for your friend in his time of need.

For the rest of us, take more pictures and keep them close; you never know what shots you've missed until it's too late to go back.


Edit: I just realized this thread is 3 years old!

bokchoi wrote in post #11695464
I don't think I would have been able to go ahead with something like that, and I strongly commend you for following through and being there for your friend in his time of need.

For the rest of us, take more pictures and keep them close; you never know what shots you've missed until it's too late to go back.


Edit: I just realized this thread is 3 years old!

Yeah, I drug up a few old posts I had done a search and had forgotten I did a search LOL so I was commenting on posts that came up in my search before I realized some of these posts were OLD. Oh well, can't hurt to revisit old subjects, can it?

wow! how disgusting! If he wants to carry a photo of his dead wife in his wallet, or hang it on his car's mirror, or make a 20" portrait and hang it up above his bed, or keep it next to him in bed, well, that's his business. Let him snap away his dead wife in the coffin all he wants.
If I were you, I would run away... even further than if a friend asked me to shoot his wedding.

sam walker wrote in post #2667251
kind of goes back to the roots of photography. Some pretty gruesome pics as I recall.
Sam

Fine. However, did he ever give those photos to the parents of the men, or their wifes or kids? Kind of strange seeing your son or pa in the newspaper all mangled and shot up, and having that as the last image. I guess that's why showing photos of dead troops in Iraq and Afghanistan is forbidden.

MrsKitty wrote in post #2672157
When my grandmother dies it won't be an issue. She will not be permitted in the funeral home

oh, ok.

Gomar wrote in post #11697782
I guess that's why showing photos of dead troops in Iraq and Afghanistan is forbidden.

Call me cynical, but I suspect the reason's more a matter of controlling PR than of respect for the dead.

I was watching a documentary called Photographers in the War Zone a few weeks ago, and an Iraqi photojournalist questioned why the press so freely published photos of dead Iraqis while photos of dead soldiers were banned. Speaking as a former soldier, I think the guy's got a very good point about the double standard.

Gomar wrote in post #11697731
wow! how disgusting! If he wants to carry a photo of his dead wife in his wallet, or hang it on his car's mirror, or make a 20" portrait and hang it up above his bed, or keep it next to him in bed, well, that's his business. Let him snap away his dead wife in the coffin all he wants.
If I were you, I would run away... even further than if a friend asked me to shoot his wedding.

If you feel that strongly about it, that's fine, it's your choice. Don't look at the pictures. But who are you to say someone is sick or demented for wanting to document that part of their life? Do I keep my Mom's picture on the mantle? Nope... never even printed it since it was taken digital... but I have it, on a disc, to keep. It's a memory. A painful memory, but a memory nonetheless. What you say along these lines can REALLY hurt someone. Grief can play cruel tricks on someone's heart and mind. Being called "disgusting" in this time because of something as trivial as wanting a memory can really send someone over the edge. Might want to learn to get control of that tongue. Even if you were joking... do you think someone consumed with grief and doesn't know you would recognize your sarcasm, especially over the internet? Touchy subject, here... doesn't hurt to show respect to others instead of criticizing them simply because what they desire doesn't line up with what you think is kosher.

I've been asked to shoot two funerals of relatives and when my friend's mother passed I offered. He found it a very odd and maybe even rude offer. It depends on each person's choice. If the husband asked you to do it then don't feel bad. So what if others didn't like it? Another friend of mine has already designated me as the "official" photographer for her funeral... and I'll do it. Some strongly disagree and that's fine.

I would have shot a picture of my grandfather if I would have brought a camera with me. Unfortunately all I had a year ago was a beat up non working FX.

I sat by his side for 16 hours after they pulled the plug on the life support. I was told he would pass away within the hour. Instead I spent an entire night with my old grandpa. Really wish I had some photos of him, now I try to document everything.

To the OP, you did the right thing.