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Thread started 25 Oct 2010 (Monday) 04:57   
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QueenChatty
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This was just to funny not to post. I seen this joke some where before and it made me laugh...hope everyone gets a kick out of it to!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer.. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith..
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted

Post #5176, Feb 28, 2012 16:45:43


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wuzzittoya
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ROFL

Post #5177, Feb 28, 2012 16:47:19


I like to push buttons on thingies that take pictures. Sometimes I like to push other buttons, too.
I only bite on the second Tuesday of every week, usually only mean people - they kinda taste like chicken...
You can call me Wuzzi

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Ricardo222
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wuzzittoya wrote in post #13985359external link
That's a pity. I probably wouldn't let my hubby raise poisonous snakes in the house, but a few harmless caterpillars probably wouldn't bother me.

It's not the "harmless caterpillar" Wuzzi, it's the fact that I've taken up our spare bedroom with the rather large installation.

I'm sure that next year I can find a better location...but the responsibility of looking after them is a drain! It's played hell with our social life as when they are ready to form their cocoon they go walkabout. In the wild they climb high up the tree to find a suitable spot with a leaf or bit of bark to help camouflage their cocoon. I wasn't allowed a large gum tree in the house, reasonable enough, so I have created the "installation" of branches and leaves and bits of bark wired in appropriate places, and with a little coaxing we now have seven cocoons. I have rescued them from above the stairwell, from the top of the door frame, from the carpet, from crawling over my camera....etc...

Post #5178, Feb 28, 2012 16:50:34


Growing old disgracefully!

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wuzzittoya
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Ricardo222 wrote in post #13985631external link
It's not the "harmless caterpillar" Wuzzi, it's the fact that I've taken up our spare bedroom with the rather large installation.

I'm sure that next year I can find a better location...but the responsibility of looking after them is a drain! It's played hell with our social life as when they are ready to form their cocoon they go walkabout. In the wild they climb high up the tree to find a suitable spot with a leaf or bit of bark to help camouflage their cocoon. I wasn't allowed a large gum tree in the house, reasonable enough, so I have created the "installation" of branches and leaves and bits of bark wired in appropriate places, and with a little coaxing we now have seven cocoons. I have rescued them from above the stairwell, from the top of the door frame, from the carpet, from crawling over my camera....etc...

Well, we've had various numbers of chickens in our house (some in the guest bedroom) because we don't have a good place to brood them outdoors yet... ;-)a

So I'm a bit more tolerant than you might think!

Post #5179, Feb 28, 2012 17:07:30


I like to push buttons on thingies that take pictures. Sometimes I like to push other buttons, too.
I only bite on the second Tuesday of every week, usually only mean people - they kinda taste like chicken...
You can call me Wuzzi

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richardfox
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wuzzittoya wrote in post #13985716external link
Well, we've had various numbers of chickens in our house (some in the guest bedroom) because we don't have a good place to brood them outdoors yet... ;-)a

So I'm a bit more tolerant than you might think!

bw!

You aren't kidding!

Post #5180, Feb 28, 2012 17:09:45


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StinkyBunny
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More puppy pix with his big sister Katie. Yea wuzzi, Katie comes from a champion British line. Her siblings sold for over $1000, Katie was a give up. Rob wins again.

IMAGE: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7179/6939517105_623c4eaff2_z.jpg
[IMAGE'S LINK: http://www.flickr.com .../35045189@N00/69395​17105/]external link
011external link by robzuk5external link, on Flickr

Post #5181, Feb 28, 2012 17:13:19 as a reply to wuzzittoya's post 5 minutes earlier.




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wuzzittoya
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She's a pretty girl. This is a pic of my Merri. Bad day for lighting, but it gives you a basic idea of her shape. They assured me she was a lab/chow mix and already almost four months old at the shelter when I adopted her. She was 15 pounds... and the vet that checked her out later assured me she was only nine weeks old - he also pointed out that double dew claws usually only happen with St Bernard's and Great Pryenees :(. The joke that year was that we accidentally adopted a pony for Christmas! :)

IMAGE: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7053/6793475650_4cd2485cb0_z.jpg

Post #5182, Feb 28, 2012 17:31:53


I like to push buttons on thingies that take pictures. Sometimes I like to push other buttons, too.
I only bite on the second Tuesday of every week, usually only mean people - they kinda taste like chicken...
You can call me Wuzzi

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Jon
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QueenChatty wrote in post #13985600external link
This was just to funny not to post. I seen this joke some where before and it made me laugh...hope everyone gets a kick out of it to!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
. . .
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted

Just maybe perhaps one of the several hundred retellings of it in this thread. The joke's gone rather stale, I fear . . .

Post #5183, Feb 28, 2012 18:14:22 as a reply to wuzzittoya's post 42 minutes earlier.


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Jill-of-all-Trades
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Crock pots work wonders on tough old chunks of meat that otherwise would be dog treats.

:lol:

Post #5184, Feb 28, 2012 18:21:36


Melody

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L.J.G.
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Jon wrote in post #13986082external link
Just maybe perhaps one of the several hundred retellings of it in this thread. The joke's gone rather stale, I fear . . .

It's OK John, most of us have heard it before, but forgotten it, so reading it again at our age is like reading it the first time haha

Post #5185, Feb 28, 2012 22:28:00


Lloyd
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day
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StinkyBunny
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L.J.G. wrote in post #13987882external link
It's OK John, most of us have heard it before, but forgotten it, so reading it again at our age is like reading it the first time haha

I'd never read it before either, I thought it was pretty good and I got a few laughs out of it on another forum. :D

Post #5186, Feb 29, 2012 03:59:15




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StinkyBunny
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Sure is quiet in here.

Post #5187, Mar 01, 2012 18:07:31 as a reply to StinkyBunny's post 1 day earlier.




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skygod44
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StinkyBunny wrote in post #14001139external link
Sure is quiet in here.

That happens from time to time.....
It's while we're all recovering from, well, just "recovering".

Me?

I actually am recovering, as I managed to eat some oyster garnish on Sunday night at a big event I'd been invited to....and I'm dangerously allergic to oysters!

That night, well, the toilet became my best friend.....and let's leave it at that!

:o

Post #5188, Mar 01, 2012 19:23:05


"Whatever you do, enjoy yourself...otherwise, what's the point."
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wuzzittoya
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skygod44 wrote in post #14001691external link
That happens from time to time.....
It's while we're all recovering from, well, just "recovering".

Me?

I actually am recovering, as I managed to eat some oyster garnish on Sunday night at a big event I'd been invited to....and I'm dangerously allergic to oysters!

That night, well, the toilet became my best friend.....and let's leave it at that!

:o

Yikes. :(

Sorry about that. I don't like oysters... ew.

Post #5189, Mar 01, 2012 19:39:37


I like to push buttons on thingies that take pictures. Sometimes I like to push other buttons, too.
I only bite on the second Tuesday of every week, usually only mean people - they kinda taste like chicken...
You can call me Wuzzi

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L.J.G.
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Oh dear Simon, that is not good is it? When we were young we'd all come home drunk and kneel on the floor and hang on to the porcelain steering wheel and drive the porcelain bus for an hour or 2, now we just sit there and our legs go to sleep because we are on there so long :(

Post #5190, Mar 01, 2012 19:43:05


Lloyd
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day
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