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Zillion posts of the baby photographer joke, tripod joke, Canon joke

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Thread started 03 Feb 2004 (Tuesday) 22:54   
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CyberDyneSystems
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8) One for the photographers....

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.'

Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby photographer came by half an hour later, hoping to make a sale. Mrs. Jacobs answered the door. 'Good morning, ma'am. You don't know me, but I've come to...' 'Oh yes, I know why you're here. Harry told me you'd be coming soon.' 'He did? But I...' 'Come right in! No use wasting time .' 'Very well, then.'

The photographer took out his briefcase and sat down. 'As you may already know, I've made a specialty of babies.' 'Good, I'm glad,' said Mrs. Jacobs. 'That's just what Harry and I were looking for.'

'I usually like to try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed,' said the photographer. 'The living room floor is fun too...you can really spread out.' 'Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it never worked for Harry and me.' 'Well, ma'am, none of us can guarantee a perfect one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I think you'll be quite pleased with the results.'

'I certainly hope we can get this over with quickly,' Mrs. Jacobs gasped nervously. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man must take his time. I'd like to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.' 'Don't I know!' said Mrs. Jacobs.

The photographer pulled out a portfolio of his pictures. 'This one was done on top of a bus in downtown London,' he said, showing Mrs. Jacobs the picture. 'Oh my God!' exclaimed Mrs. Jacobs, tugging on her handkerchief.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider the fact that their mother was so difficult to work with.' He showed Mrs. Jacobs another picture. 'She was difficult?' questioned Mrs. Jacobs. 'Extremely,' said the photographer. 'I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around, four and five deep, just to get a good look.' 'Four and five deep!' Mrs. Jacobs was amazed. 'Yes,' said the photographer. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then, it started getting dark and I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels started nibbling on my equipment. I just packed it all in.'

Mrs. Jacobs leaned forward. 'You mean the squirrels actually chewed on your, um...equipment?' 'Yes, ma'am. Thank God, no real damage was done.

Well, we'll get to work as soon as I set up my tripod.'

'Tripod? ' Mrs. Jacobs looked extremely worried now.

'Of course. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much to big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Ma'am...ma'am...good God, she's fainted!'

Post #1, Feb 03, 2004 22:54:40


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SoCal69
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A very enjoyable read! Thanks for the uplift CDS!

Post #2, Feb 03, 2004 23:03:14


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Jesper
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:lol: :lol: :lol:

Post #3, Feb 04, 2004 03:32:08


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jim ­ monroe
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There have been many humorous posts but this is funniest post I seen in 8 months reading the forum.
No attribution, from whence did this gem come?

Post #4, Feb 04, 2004 05:55:00


jim monroe
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Tom ­ W
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:lol: Excellent!

Post #5, Feb 04, 2004 07:16:06


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roanjohn
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HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Great!!!

Just too funny!!!

Ro1

Post #6, Feb 04, 2004 07:55:26




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CyberDyneSystems
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jim monroe wrote:
There have been many humorous posts but this is funniest post I seen in 8 months reading the forum.
No attribution, from whence did this gem come?

I don't rightly know it's origins.. but I lifted it from a fine young lady who calls herself "Sirius" who is an active team mate in a little thing called "Team Picard" which is a group of complete psychotics... much like myself,. who like to dedicate time and computer horsepower in distributed computing efforts like the Human Genome project,. Protein folding , the Search for Extra terretrial intelligence, etc....

If your interested, More info here;

http://forums.teampica​rd.com/external link

Post #7, Feb 04, 2004 08:35:23


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Tom ­ W
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You must be younger than I am - I'm from the "James T. Kirk" generation, though I feel like Captain Pike some mornings. :D

Post #8, Feb 04, 2004 08:39:59


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swampthing
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A little light humour....

Here's an email I received today....


The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to......."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in..
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too....you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, my, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith...

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly?

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."

"Oh ! my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief...

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed! on your um...equipment ?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long.

Madam? Madam?.....Good Lord, she's fainted!!


well it made me laugh!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Post #9, Feb 28, 2004 04:59:27




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CyberDyneSystems
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O love it! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Post #10, Feb 28, 2004 16:02:55 as a reply to swampthing's post 11 hours earlier.


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Ikinaa
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Are photographer's jokes rare???

http://photography-on-the.net/forum/showthre​ad.php?t=24548

Post #11, Mar 01, 2004 02:59:38 as a reply to swampthing's post 1 day earlier.


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CoolToolGuy
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Ikinaa wrote:
Are photographer's jokes rare???

Compared to golfer's jokes they are. :roll:

But I shutter to think about having more exposure in the joke world. :roll:

Have Fun
Rick 8)

Post #12, Mar 01, 2004 06:58:17 as a reply to swampthing's post 2 days earlier.


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Bruce ­ Hamilton
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CoolToolGuy wrote:
But I shutter to think about having more exposure in the joke world.

Old photographers never die, they just take longer to develop.
How does a photographer light up a blonde? He puts a flash in each ear.

Post #13, Mar 01, 2004 08:22:34 as a reply to swampthing's post 2 days earlier.


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stopbath
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A photographer took a self portrait in a park. Due to lighting conditions he used the built in flash on the camera. He quickly got arrested for flashing and exposing himself in the park.

Post #14, Mar 01, 2004 09:28:25 as a reply to swampthing's post 2 days earlier.




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swampthing
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Hmm - CDS - I missed that post - it was the first time i'd heard the joke :roll:

Oh well, sorry if i'm boring you :oops:

Post #15, Mar 01, 2004 15:38:24 as a reply to swampthing's post 2 days earlier.




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