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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
casp3r
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Aug 13, 2013 04:20 |  #6151

Three honeymooning couples staying in adjoining rooms.
First couple are getting undressed when the husband looks at his wife and says 'Look at the size of your ass'. She slaps him around the face and tells him he can sleep on the balcony. While on the balcony the second husband is thrown out on to the adjoining balcony. Looking at the first husband he says 'All I said was look at the size of your tits'.
As they talk the third husband is thrown out. Second husband shouts over' I suppose you put your foot in it?'.
'No but I could have' came the reply.


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BearLeeAlive
All butt cheeks and string.
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Calgary, AB
Aug 13, 2013 06:02 as a reply to casp3r's post |  #6152

Cubdriver wrote in post #16203344external link
Why does an elephant paint himself red?

So he can hide in a cherry tree.

The version I heard.

Why does an elephant paint his balls red?
To hide in an apple tree.

How did the monkey die?
Picking apples. :p


-JIM-

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Roy ­ Mathers
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Aug 13, 2013 07:12 |  #6153

wannabegood wrote in post #16203106external link
So can anyone actually say why we have British judges on America's Got Talent? What do Brits know about American talent? Aside from the fact that a great deal of it actually is "rubbish"? Isn't there anybody in America that qualifies to judge home grown talent?

The reason could be that it is a British franchise and was started by a Brit. In any case, we've had an American judge on Britain's Got Talent. Actually, when you think about it 'What do Brits know about American talent?' is a nonsensical thing to say isn't it?




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20droger
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Aug 13, 2013 08:44 |  #6154

Roy Mathers wrote in post #16203827external link
The reason could be that it is a British franchise and was started by a Brit. In any case, we've had an American judge on Britain's Got Talent. Actually, when you think about it 'What do Brits know about American talent?' is a nonsensical thing to say isn't it?

Well, Roy, you know how it is with us colonials. If it wasn't for nonsense we'd have no sense at all.




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scriveyn
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Aug 13, 2013 10:42 as a reply to 20droger's post |  #6155

.

Bristol Cathedral graveyard

IMAGE: http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l175/jazzscriveyn/POTN/jm_POTN_5976_web.jpg


.

Frank, also known as jazzman
C&C welcome
Image Editing OK (for reposting in the same thread)

I Jazz

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Roy ­ Mathers
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Aug 13, 2013 10:57 |  #6156

20droger wrote in post #16204003external link
Well, Roy, you know how it is with us colonials. If it wasn't for nonsense we'd have no sense at all.

:lol::lol:




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Inse
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Southeast BC
Aug 13, 2013 13:55 |  #6157

casp3r wrote in post #16203624external link
Three honeymooning couples staying in adjoining rooms.
First couple are getting undressed when the husband looks at his wife and says 'Look at the size of your ass'. She slaps him around the face and tells him he can sleep on the balcony. While on the balcony the second husband is thrown out on to the adjoining balcony. Looking at the first husband he says 'All I said was look at the size of your tits'.
As they talk the third husband is thrown out. Second husband shouts over' I suppose you put your foot in it?'.
'No but I could have' came the reply.


Now that really did make me laugh out loud!


RAY
So far, this is the oldest I've ever been :cool:
http://inse-photography.smugmug.co​m/external link

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neil_r
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The middle of the UK
Aug 14, 2013 05:39 |  #6158

I was on the last train home sharing a carriage with one other guy, when I noticed he had a massive erection.

"Excuse me," I said, motioning toward his groin, "Would you like me to help you with that?"

After a moment's hesitation, he swallowed nervously and slowly nodded.

So I showed him a picture of the wife.


Neil - © NHR Photography
Commercial Siteexternal link - Video Siteexternal link - Blog -external linkGear List There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs. ~ Ansel Adams

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x_tan
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ɐılɐɹʇsnɐ 'ǝuɹnoqlǝɯ
Aug 17, 2013 04:15 |  #6159

Beer, Fishing, Sex and Golf

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a
couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give
you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to
spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead
of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?"
the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you
for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a
man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, sex and golf."


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x_tan
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ɐılɐɹʇsnɐ 'ǝuɹnoqlǝɯ
Aug 17, 2013 05:39 as a reply to x_tan's post |  #6160

Family Planning
.

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Canon 5D3 + Zoom (EF 17-40L, 24-105L & 28-300L, 100-400L II) & Prime (24L II, 85L II, 100L, 135L & 200 f/2.8L II; Zeiss 1,4/35)
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philwillmedia
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"...just south of the 23rd Paralell..."
Aug 21, 2013 10:12 |  #6161

A walrus went to a Tupperware party.

He was looking for a tight seal.


Regards, Phil
2013/14 CAMS Gold Accredited Photographer | 2010 & 2011 V8 Supercars Aust. Accredited Photographer | 2008, '09, '10 South Aus. Rally Photographer of the Year | Catch Fence Photos - 2009 Photo of the Yearexternal linkFinallist - 2014 NT Media Awards
"A bad day at the race track is better than a good day in the office" | www.freewebs.com/philw​illmediaexternal link

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CameraMan
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In The Sticks
Aug 21, 2013 10:55 |  #6162

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of
his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely
tore off the driver's door.
...
Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the
accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney
started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just
purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the
same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his
head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,"
he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the
most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is
missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer, "My Rolex!"


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Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

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CameraMan
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In The Sticks
Aug 21, 2013 11:46 |  #6163

THE BLONDE MORTICIAN

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)


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Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

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Roy ­ Mathers
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Aug 21, 2013 11:51 |  #6164

Yes, I did see it coming, as I've heard that joke many times!:D




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20droger
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Joined Dec 2006
Aug 21, 2013 12:42 |  #6165

Roy Mathers wrote in post #16227625external link
Yes, I did see it coming, as I've heard that joke many times!:D

That's what you get for being old.




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