In all the year I have been telling this, I have never found anyone who has heard it. The setting is in the 1800s in colonial India. The Sergeant Major is addressing the new recruits (you must add/imagine the accent when telling).
“Laddies, welcome to India. While you are here you must abide by certain rules. The first is that you never go to town alone. If you do, the locals will set upon you, beat you senseless, rob you and leave you for dead.
The second rule is that you never mess with the rogue elephant. If you do, he will grab you with his trunk, slam you to the ground and stomp you to death.
The third rule is that you avoid the Y-U Y-U (why you why you) snake. You will recognize the Y-U Y-U snake by the alternating black and orange bands around his body. If you come upon the Y-U Y-U snake, the only way to save yourself is to grab him with your left hand and run your right hand along his body and flick his head off with your thumb.”
Several weeks later, as the Sergeant Major is making his rounds, he comes upon one of the new recruits crawling in to camp-he is bloody, shredded and barely alive.
The Sergeant Major says “Ah laddie, you didn’t take my words to heart, you went into town alone.”
The recruit (struggling to get his words out), “No, sergeant Major, I did not go into town.”
The SGM “Then you must have messed with the rouge elephant,”
The recruit “No Sergeant major, I did not mess with the rouge elephant.”
“Ah, then it was the Y-U Y-U snake.”
“Yes, Sergeant major, it was the Y-U Y-U snake. I was going through the tall grass when I came upon the Y-U Y-U snake. I remembered what you told us and I recognized the Y-U Y-U snake by the alternating black and orange bands around his body, So, I grabbed him with my left hand and slid my right hand along his body preparing to flick off his head, and stuck my thumb up the arse of the biggest Bengal Tiger in all of India.”