Approve the Cookies
This website uses cookies to improve your user experience. By using this site, you agree to our use of cookies. Read More.
OK
Index  •   • New posts  •   • RTAT  •   • 'Best of'  •   • Gallery  •   • Gear  •   • Reviews
New posts  •   • RTAT  •   • 'Best of'  •   • Gallery  •   • Gear  •   • Reviews
Register to forums    Log in

 
FORUMS Community Talk, Chatter & Official Stuff The Lounge
Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
Prev/next
sponsored links
(this ad will go away when you log in as registered member)

Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
KDPIV
Junior Member
20 posts
Joined Sep 2017
Sep 21, 2017 19:39 |  #7486

What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red Paint


One photographer and a dream

LOG IN TO REPLY
sponsored links
(this ad will go away when you log in as registered member)
CameraMan
Cream of the Crop
CameraMan's Avatar
12,964 posts
Gallery: 24 photos
Joined Dec 2010
In The Sticks
Sep 27, 2017 21:45 |  #7487

BREAKING NEWS: NFL FORCED TO CUT ONE TEAM
The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league. They've decided to combine Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.


Photographer (external link) | The Toys! | Facebook (external link) | Video (external link) | Flickr (external link)
Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

LOG IN TO REPLY
Capn ­ Jack
Senior Member
Capn Jack's Avatar
Joined Mar 2010
NE USA
Oct 03, 2017 20:19 |  #7488

Spare a thought for poor ole Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair.
After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1."
"I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please".
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir".
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
"I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please."
O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary."
"I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof".
"I will never use this bar again".
"OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."
Have a good weekend




LOG IN TO REPLY
Capn ­ Jack
Senior Member
Capn Jack's Avatar
Joined Mar 2010
NE USA
Oct 07, 2017 18:02 |  #7489

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day.

Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary




LOG IN TO REPLY
CameraMan
Cream of the Crop
CameraMan's Avatar
12,964 posts
Gallery: 24 photos
Joined Dec 2010
In The Sticks
Oct 10, 2017 19:44 |  #7490

Posted by a friend on Facebook this morning. Thought it was pretty darn funny.

Because we all need a laugh today ..

So my neighbor has been complaining that my dog had been barking non-stop, Right? I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I found a humane citronella collar for him, that way when the dog barks, it shoots out a blast of citronella under their nose and they don't like it. Don't worry this gets good ..
I had to go somewhere this morning, so I figured I'd set the collar up. I filled it with the stuff and that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and my dumb ass decided to figure out how it works? So now I'm standing on my back porch "barking" at the collar, right? I'm like what the hell, I feel like a dumb ass, nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. So, I bark.... nothing happens. I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I put the collar around my neck, and barked. Well .. apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to my face!! I was coughing my lungs out which made this stupid collar spray out more s**t. Now, I'm basically dying, trying to breathe, with the dog looking at me like I'm stupid.

So between coughing and yelling for help, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. Mind You, this whole damn time, I'm trying to get the collar off, but I'm in such a panic, I can't figure it out. I finally get the collar off and threw the damn thing half way across the yard, sit in the chair trying to get the smell out of my nose. I decide to take a break and all I can think is why the f**k did I do this??? I was distracted by laughter.

UMM GUYS? MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING!
He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. He finally calms down and goes,"I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it". I was so embarrassed, I didnt know what to do or say, so I just went in to shower so I wouldn't be smelling like freaking Tiki Torch.

So lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that .. 1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off and 2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation. On the plus side, I probably won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!


Photographer (external link) | The Toys! | Facebook (external link) | Video (external link) | Flickr (external link)
Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

LOG IN TO REPLY
Roy ­ Mathers
I am Spartacus!
Roy Mathers's Avatar
35,431 posts
Gallery: 1 photo
Joined Dec 2006
Hertfordshire, United Kingdom
Oct 11, 2017 04:30 |  #7491

This is your favourite joke?




LOG IN TO REPLY
CameraMan
Cream of the Crop
CameraMan's Avatar
12,964 posts
Gallery: 24 photos
Joined Dec 2010
In The Sticks
Post has been edited 2 hours ago by CameraMan.
2 hours ago |  #7492

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?"
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo."
"No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the S#!t."


Photographer (external link) | The Toys! | Facebook (external link) | Video (external link) | Flickr (external link)
Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

LOG IN TO REPLY
sponsored links
(this ad will go away when you log in as registered member)

1,082,458 views & 486 likes for this thread
Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)
FORUMS Community Talk, Chatter & Official Stuff The Lounge


Not a member yet? Click here to register to the forums.
Registered members get all the features: search, following threads, own gear list and ratings, likes, more forums, private messaging, thread follow, notifications, own gallery, settings, view hosted photos, own reviews and more...


AAA

Send feedback to staff    •   Jump to forum...    •   Rules    •   Index    •   New posts    •   RTAT    •   'Best of'    •   Gallery    •   Gear    •   Reviews    •   Polls

COOKIES DISCLAIMER: This website uses cookies to improve your user experience. By using this site, you agree to our use of cookies. Privacy policy and cookie usage info.

POWERED BY AMASS 1.4version 1.4
made in Finland
by Pekka Saarinen
for photography-on-the.net
Spent 0.00923 for 6 database queries.
PAGE COMPLETED IN 0.03s
Latest registered member is Mr Han
999 guests, 485 members online
Simultaneous users record so far is 6106, that happened on Jun 09, 2016