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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
troutfisher
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Nov 10, 2017 16:16 |  #7576

Lets try and raise the level

In order to understand this tale a little knowledge of British Currency before decimalization is required.
The £ Pound was divided into 240 pennies
A small silver coin valued at six pennies existed; this was a sixpence and was colloquially known as a “Tanner”
The next coin was worth 12 pennies; this was a shilling and was colloquially known as a “Bob”
So a pint of beer which cost One shilling, and eight pence (sixpence and two pennies)
Would have been one and eight

Now to our saga, Jack was a strapping virile lad of 27 married to Linda who was equally passionate.
Unfortunately Jack has suffered an accident at work which resulted in a mild concussion and while he had fully recovered he had lost all sexual co-ordination, in short he had lost his rhythm and did not know what to do, as expected this was causing marital problems.

So Jack goes off to the Doctor and explains the problem, the Doc thinks for a minute ,and says I will refer you to a sex therapist he should be able to sort you out.

Jack goes to his first appointment after explaining his problem the therapist gives him a course of treatment.

Week 1
Stand in front of a mirror, put a penny on your right shoulder and move the shoulder back and forth-do this for a week.

Week 2 as week 1 but put penny on left shoulder

Week 3
Put a penny on each shoulder and move shoulders back and forth alternately.

Then come back and see me

Jack returns and demonstrates the movements.

Excellent says the Therapist, continue with the following exercises

Week 4
Now get a sixpence and wedge this between the cheeks of your backside and thrust your backside back and forward.

Week 5

Get an erection and put a shilling on the end of your erection and thrust back and forward
Do this every day for a week and then come back

Week 6
Jack returns, the Therapist says right, now we will bring all the movements together and while you are doing this repeat mentally
Penny
Penny
Sixpence
Shilling
So you retain co-ordination

Or if it’s easier
Penny, Penny, Tanner, Bob

Jack does as requested

The therapist studies these movements and says excellent you are now cured so go home and make Linda a happy lady

That night in bed, they decide to put this in effect with both of them saying

Penny, Penny, Tanner, Bob, -Penny, Penny, Tanner ,Bob, -Penny, Penny, Tanner, Bob

This goes on for a few minutes then “Oh F**k it” –One and Eight, one and Eight.


Chris
" Age and treachery will always defeat youth and enthusiasm"

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OhLook
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Nov 10, 2017 17:40 as a reply to troutfisher's post |  #7577

Well, we've certainly moved past the jokes for little kiddies.


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS FOR YOU: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.) | IMAGE EDITING OK

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teekay
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Post has been edited 6 days ago by teekay.
Nov 10, 2017 18:23 |  #7578

Enough with the juvenile junk. How about some jokes that are actually make us laugh for a change, not groan?

This is for Canon owners:

A man walks into a photo store and asks, "How about a lens cap for a Nikon?"

The guy behind the counter says, “Seems like a fair swap to me”.




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Pippan
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Post has been edited 6 days ago by Pippan.
Nov 10, 2017 19:59 as a reply to teekay's post |  #7579

Why you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation, who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say, '1-2-3'. When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say, '1-2-3-4'," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved and took a spoonful of the medicine. Then he invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately he became the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. Then she asked, "What did you say '1-2-3' for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.




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john ­ crossley
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Nov 11, 2017 01:54 |  #7580

Why can’t Christmas trees sew?
They always drop their needles.


Some days I'm the dog, other days I'm the lamppost

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Roy ­ Mathers
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Nov 11, 2017 04:57 |  #7581

teekay wrote in post #18493668 (external link)
Enough with the juvenile junk. How about some jokes that are actually make us laugh for a change, not groan?

This is for Canon owners:

A man walks into a photo store and asks, "How about a lens cap for a Nikon?"

The guy behind the counter says, “Seems like a fair swap to me”.

The title of this thread contains the words ' totally unrelated to photography'-?




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Roy ­ Mathers
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Nov 11, 2017 04:59 |  #7582

We thought you'd stopped with the kiddie jokes John (no such luck!).




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Pippan
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Nov 11, 2017 05:04 as a reply to Roy Mathers's post |  #7583

Did you hear about the man who fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself?




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teekay
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Nov 11, 2017 10:29 |  #7584

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18493836 (external link)
The title of this thread contains the words ' totally unrelated to photography'-?

You're right - my apologies.:oops:




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john ­ crossley
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It's Grim Up North
Nov 12, 2017 13:32 |  #7585

Can you help me identify this weeping tree?
Yes, but you willow me one.


Some days I'm the dog, other days I'm the lamppost

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Ian ­ Mackie
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From Scotland, living in Gibraltar "A Jock on the Rock"
Nov 12, 2017 14:20 |  #7586

One for John ...............

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it...


Then my illegal logging business is a success!


flickr (external link)

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icopus
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In the shadows of Houston
Nov 12, 2017 16:23 |  #7587

Ian Mackie wrote in post #18494819 (external link)
One for John ...............

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it...


Then my illegal logging business is a success!

I don't know about that! The satellites might catch it!


Camera hit me in the face, now I have a bokeh eye.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

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john ­ crossley
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Nov 13, 2017 01:44 |  #7588

Why are leaves always involved in risky business?
Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.


Some days I'm the dog, other days I'm the lamppost

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AZGeorge
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Southen Arizona
Nov 13, 2017 11:16 |  #7589

john crossley wrote in post #18495162 (external link)
Why are leaves always involved in risky business?
Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.

Changing one letter in John's joke resulted in this original attempt:

Why do some POTN'ers continue posting jokes?
Because they don't want to go out on a limp.

I hope that limp attempt does not end up stopping this venerable old thread in its tracks, shades of the 2016 Ig Noble Awards documented here: https://youtu.be/qKXDF​5Bywkk (external link)


George
Democracy Dies in Darkness

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icopus
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In the shadows of Houston
Nov 13, 2017 20:18 |  #7590

While not a proper joke, it's still funny. If memory serves, this was posted on a motorcycle forum I visit....

"We once had a college intern who was new to Texas complaining about not being able to drink a soda in her car...we explained to her that the Texas Open Container prohibition only applied to alcoholic beverages."


Camera hit me in the face, now I have a bokeh eye.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

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