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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
wolverinesr1
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Sep 27, 2005 18:43 as a reply to post 803801 |  #31

this is supposed to be true. i hope not.if it is it certainly makes any bad days i have had at work pale in comparison.

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks ! down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down! the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry


Jeff
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mdm
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Sep 27, 2005 19:00 as a reply to post 804686 |  #32

Skip Souza wrote:
The blonde or the joke? :lol:

The blonde with the car!




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Radtech1
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Sep 27, 2005 19:13 as a reply to post 804069 |  #33

MattyB wrote:
i don't get it :(

If you have never seen an elephant hiding in a tree, then, he is very good at hiding in a tree. He successfully hid from you.

Rad


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Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

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MattyB
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Sep 28, 2005 05:13 |  #34

a grasshopper walked into a bar, and the bartender said "hey! we've got a drink named after you ya'know :)" and the grasshopper said "what? a kevin?"

...


Matt Bennell
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Extras: 18-55mm, 10-18mm, Tripod, ND8
Field: These days you'll likely be seeing plenty of Nature and Landscape posts :lol:
New Site In Progress -> bennell.co.nz (external link)

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JMAS
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Sep 28, 2005 06:25 |  #35

I hope no one takes offense on this one:

"Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension).
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while
after reading this.
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest
and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published
in the Far East Economic Review.....
>
> Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
> Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
> RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
> G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
> RS: "Ow July den?"
> G: "What??"
> RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
> G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
> RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
> G: "Crisp will be fine."
> RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
> G: "What?"
> RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
> G: "I don't think so"
> RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
> G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes 'means."
> RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
> G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
> RS: "We bother?"
> G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
> RS: "Wad?"
> G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
> RS: "Copy?"
> G: "Sorry?"
> RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
> G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
> RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,tossy singlish mopping we bother oney sigh, and copy....rye??"
> G: "Whatever you say"
> RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
> G: "You're welcome"


Cheers,
Jaime
______
Gear
Some photosexternal link

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MattyB
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Sep 28, 2005 07:12 |  #36

LOL!!!!!!! lobit JMAS, Tendjewberrymud


Matt Bennell
Camera: Canon EOS 80D DSLR Black
Extras: 18-55mm, 10-18mm, Tripod, ND8
Field: These days you'll likely be seeing plenty of Nature and Landscape posts :lol:
New Site In Progress -> bennell.co.nz (external link)

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JMAS
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Sep 28, 2005 07:47 |  #37

ior uelkom, Matty! itiz May plea sor.
Gle July kid. :D


Cheers,
Jaime
______
Gear
Some photosexternal link

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Desertraptor
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Adelaide, Australia
Sep 28, 2005 07:48 |  #38

These must be doing the email rounds at the moment :)


Peter
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Claire
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Gothenburg, Sweden
Sep 28, 2005 19:17 |  #39

I'm really fond of the blonde with the car joke. :) That one's definitely email worthy!


My Photo Website -external link | My Flickr galleryexternal link | Photography Blogexternal link | My Twitter accountexternal link | Become a Fan on Facebookexternal link
"You too, could easily look like that if you had a squad of mad geeks fussing over you with retouching software"

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Radtech1
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Sep 29, 2005 10:50 as a reply to Claire's post |  #40

Three quick ones.

1) What did the Bhuddist Monk say at the Pizza Place?

a) Make me one with everything.


2) What do you get when you cross a dyslexic with an insominac with an agnostic.

a) A guy who sits up all night wondering "Is there a Dog?"


3) What do you call a psychic dwarf who's excaped from prison

a) A small medium at large.


.
.

Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

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bubbawillums
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Sep 29, 2005 11:50 |  #41

2 parrots are sitting on a perch and one says"can you smell fish"?

Sandwich walks into a bar and the barman says"sorry we dont serve food".......


My camera stuff

http://www.dandesborou​gh.co.ukexternal link

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Citizensmith
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Sep 29, 2005 20:48 as a reply to post 803783 |  #42

Andythaler wrote:
There are 2 categories of people ... those who believe in sorting people into categories and those who don't :wink:

Or the geek version.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.


My POTN Gallery, Complete gear list,
Tradition - Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

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IndyJeff
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Indianapolis, IN
Sep 29, 2005 23:53 as a reply to Citizensmith's post |  #43

Two blondes are walking down the street in Kansas. One looks up and sees a full moon and comments, "I wonder which is closer, the moon of Florida?"
Her blonde friend looks at her and says, "Duh? Can you see Florida from here?"


On shooting sports...If you see it happen then you didn't get it.

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PacAce
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ABE, PA USA
Sep 30, 2005 08:29 as a reply to post 804526 |  #44

Pekka wrote:
Who invented tap-dancing?

A guy with 8 kids and one toilet.

:lol: :mrgreen: :lol:


...Leo

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Davinor
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Sep 30, 2005 09:10 as a reply to post 803783 |  #45

Alligator shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local shops were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Hope there's no blondes reading ;)
David


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