Why I don't shoot for family anymore unless I WANT to...

[cacawcacaw]

Sounds like your poor sister and her husband are in the typical post-boom tailspin, right down to refusing to recognize the reality of auto and living expenses while borrowing even more money to get a master's degree. The good life is getting harder and harder to hang on to and I bet it's not long before your resentment turns into pity.

When they ask you to photograph their house, just before they lose it, you might feel differently about doing them a small favor.

[icopus]

Originally Posted by TooManyShots

... They know how to say the right things but don't know how to act righteously and honestly.

I thought this was typical family behavior.

Originally Posted by SOK

Not suggesting it does...I'm simply going off the detail in the OP. The bit I quoted in post #12 is the part I'm rolling my eyes at. Sounds all a bit childish to me...

You don't know. You're so lucky. You just don't know.

[TooManyShots]

Originally Posted by cacawcacaw

Sounds like your poor sister and her husband are in the typical post-boom tailspin, right down to refusing to recognize the reality of auto and living expenses while borrowing even more money to get a master's degree. The good life is getting harder and harder to hang on to and I bet it's not long before your resentment turns into pity.

When they ask you to photograph their house, just before they lose it, you might feel differently about doing them a small favor.

For whatever the reason, I know my time would come when, yeah, I may feel pity for them. Financially, I can't help them. I can offer them wisdom, enlightened thoughts, and advises. Unfortunately, I and my sister do not talk a lot. I tried to relay my thoughts to her through my mother instead. FYI, her husband didn't need to pay for the master degree because he works as a IT tech for the university. Not sure how. In fact, if my sister decides to get her Phd degree in the same university, she didn't need to pay at all. This is the world they are living in. Never pay anything at its full price (if they pay at all) because either friends could do it cheaper or for free. They consider friends and family members as something they can use.

[cacawcacaw]

Originally Posted by TooManyShots

... They consider friends and family members as something they can use.

Most people's advice would be to remain close, but on your terms. Unfortunately, that's not easy when people take you for granted and don't take the time to listen to what you're saying.

We've all been there, to one degree or another.

[paraphysis]

I got to be honest-- you sound like a d--k. I really don't understand why ANYONE would post something like this. I really could care less that you dislike your family so much. You're probably not a d--k but you sound like one.

[SlavaKM]

After reading about Patrick Kane night on the town, this is the next funniest thing i read today.
Thanks.

[elrey2375]

Originally Posted by TooManyShots

For whatever the reason, I know my time would come when, yeah, I may feel pity for them. Financially, I can't help them. I can offer them wisdom, enlightened thoughts, and advises. Unfortunately, I and my sister do not talk a lot. I tried to relay my thoughts to her through my mother instead. FYI, her husband didn't need to pay for the master degree because he works as a IT tech for the university. Not sure how. In fact, if my sister decides to get her Phd degree in the same university, she didn't need to pay at all. This is the world they are living in. Never pay anything at its full price (if they pay at all) because either friends could do it cheaper or for free. They consider friends and family members as something they can use.

This is rather commonplace if you work for a university or connected business. Tuition is usually free or heavily discounted, how is that hard to understand? We are only hearing the story from one side; yours and I agree with the posters thus far that have labeled it strange. This sounds like a therapy session, not something you post on a public forum. No offense, but no one here cares that you and your sister don't get along because she expects her brother to shoot her husband's graduation. A better question would be what happened to bring your relationship to this point, but please don't answer that. We know too much already.

[john-in-japan]

You were asked to shoot a family event for free and refused because you don't get along. Why post that here - looking for a pat on the back? Therapist idea is not a bad one. You won't build bridges that way, but apparently never intend to anyway. Try Dear Abby.
John

[S.Horton]

Originally Posted by robertwsimpson

lol I could never imagine being like that with my family.

Get in-laws. Then, you will know.

[madjack]

Like my friends south of the border would say.. Ay! Carumba..

[jra]

Originally Posted by TooManyShots

For me, they didn't take photography, or at least my photography, seriously an year ago. Although they promised to help me to grow my business, I stopped mentioning about my business with them for over 9 months. I can still remember all this talks about her husband being my IT consultant and her being my marketing agent. And they sounded so serious too. It turned out more about them showing off what they can do than to actually helping me...because they didn't help me at all.

It sounds like you harbor a lot of bitterness towards your sister and her husband because they failed to help you as you had hoped.....I can say, that from my experience, family never takes you as seriously as you would hope. To family, they often still see a part of you as the little kid they grew up with. Also, it's quite common for people to throw around grand ideas and dreams but then fall short when it comes to the real world.

I have a younger sister and I can say that she doesn't take me seriously as a business person.....I'm sure that she still sees me as the older brother who picked on her way too much, just as I still see her as my little sis whom I still pick on I photographed her daughter's school last fall and she didn't buy a single photo of her daughter....never even bothered to ask me for a free copy. She still takes her kids to Sears or Wal-mart for photos and she rarely ever gets me a paying gig......and then, she'll ask me to bring my camera to her daughter's birthday party (for free of course)....and you know what, I do it. I do it because she's my sister, I love her, she loves me, I love my nieces and as her big brother, I'll gladly snap off a few photos of the kids for her and never think of asking or expecting a dime.

[CountryBoy]

Originally Posted by S.Horton

Get in-laws. Then, you will know.

Try in-laws that are Red Sox fans !

[elrey2375]

Originally Posted by jra

It sounds like you harbor a lot of bitterness towards your sister and her husband because they failed to help you as you had hoped.....I can say, that from my experience, family never takes you as seriously as you would hope. To family, they often still see a part of you as the little kid they grew up with. Also, it's quite common for people to throw around grand ideas and dreams but then fall short when it comes to the real world.

I have a younger sister and I can say that she doesn't take me seriously as a business person.....I'm sure that she still sees me as the older brother who picked on her way too much, just as I still see her as my little sis whom I still pick on I photographed her daughter's school last fall and she didn't buy a single photo of her daughter....never even bothered to ask me for a free copy. She still takes her kids to Sears or Wal-mart for photos and she rarely ever gets me a paying gig......and then, she'll ask me to bring my camera to her daughter's birthday party (for free of course)....and you know what, I do it. I do it because she's my sister, I love her, she loves me, I love my nieces and as her big brother, I'll gladly snap off a few photos of the kids for her and never think of asking or expecting a dime.

This

[mltain]

Originally Posted by paraphysis

I got to be honest-- you sound like a d--k. I really don't understand why ANYONE would post something like this. I really could care less that you dislike your family so much. You're probably not a d--k but you sound like one.

Sometimes you have to be a d--k just to keep people from walking all over you.

[bratkinson]

Fortunately, most of my family has passed from this world, and the rest, 900+ miles away. So I'm fairly safe in not being 'expected' to come with camera in hand.

I have to side with the OP on this. If his profession was carpentry, would family 'expect' him to come with hammer, saw, and even lumber, when they invite him for dinner? Or their sons' graduation and stay over for a night as he drove some distance to get there?

I guess it's human nature, though, that when one has an 'expert' family member, that said family member will perform such 'expert' services when and as desired, for free. Having gone that route some years ago with building/fixing/updating PCs for myself and a couple of close friends, it didn't take long until they told other friends, and it got out of hand. Fortunately, the cost of keeping a quick replacement hard drive, keyboard, or whatever else became a loser so I've quietly exitted the 'freebie' business and tell them it's cheaper to go buy a whole new computer.

Fortunately, I am not a professional photographer, nor do I have any aspirations of becoming one, soon. But, even as an amateur with good equipment, I'm already falling into the 'freebie' photography business....Oh Nooooooooo!!!!