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Thread started 09 Feb 2018 (Friday) 23:09
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Comment on my new home page's copy

 
icor1031
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Post edited 3 months ago by icor1031. (2 edits in all)
     
Feb 09, 2018 23:09 |  #1

May I get input on my paragraphs, on this page?

https://idealportraits​.com (external link)

Thanks!


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Perfectly ­ Frank
I'm too sexy for my lens
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Feb 10, 2018 00:11 |  #2

but I don't do couples posing...

Why not? Seems like you're missing out on a money making opportunity.

Great photography, btw.


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icor1031
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Feb 10, 2018 00:18 |  #3

Perfectly Frank wrote in post #18560445 (external link)
but I don't do couples posing...

Why not? Seems like you're missing out on a money making opportunity.

Great photography, btw.

What about my home page, though? Not the sessions link.

Thanks for your compliment!


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Perfectly ­ Frank
I'm too sexy for my lens
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Feb 10, 2018 00:44 |  #4

I like your writing, it has an open and honest feel. Especially the paragraphs about portrait style and picture edits. It provides potential clients with an understanding of your goals as a photographer. They know what to expect from their photography session.

Your essay combined with sample photos make a winning combo, me thinks.

But I'm still puzzled as to why no couple photography. Maybe that will come later?


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icor1031
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Post edited 3 months ago by icor1031. (2 edits in all)
     
Feb 10, 2018 00:46 |  #5

Perfectly Frank wrote in post #18560456 (external link)
I like your writing, it has an open and honest feel. Especially the paragraphs about portrait style and picture edits. It provides potential clients with an understanding of your goals as a photographer. They know what to expect from their photography session.

Your essay combined with sample photos make a winning combo, me thinks.

But I'm still puzzled as to why no couple photography. Maybe that will come later?

Thank you, sir!

Legal risk, but I prefer not to get into that - it'll derail my thread.


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scokar
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Feb 10, 2018 00:47 |  #6

nice clean design, nice images

The 'wall of text' - move most of that into the 'about' page.

The landing/home page should get to the point immediately.

good job.




  
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Dusty
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Post edited 3 months ago by Dusty.
     
Feb 10, 2018 01:00 |  #7

You need to work on your grammar.
When using conjunctions like 'and' or 'but' don't precede them with a comma.
Don't start sentences with 'and' or 'but'.
Also you're using too many commas in the wrong places.

Dusty


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icor1031
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Feb 10, 2018 01:12 |  #8

Dusty wrote in post #18560466 (external link)
You need to work on your grammar.
When using conjunctions like 'and' or 'but' don't precede them with a comma.
Don't start sentences with 'and' or 'but'.
Also you're using too many commas in the wrong places.

Dusty

http://www.getitwriteo​nline.com …032601startsent​andbut.htm (external link)

I'll check my commas, though! Thanks.


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Dusty
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Feb 10, 2018 01:45 as a reply to  @ icor1031's post |  #9

Good luck with it then.
There are exceptions to those rules I posted but they're limited.
I won't bother commenting further though since you don't seem to comprehend even the link you posted.

Also:
"I'll check my commas, though! Thanks."

You're still fragmenting your sentences with unnecessary commas.

Dusty

:-)


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icor1031
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Post edited 3 months ago by icor1031.
     
Feb 10, 2018 02:00 as a reply to  @ Dusty's post |  #10

Removed my comment - getting derailed.


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teekay
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Feb 10, 2018 10:55 |  #11

Perfectly Frank wrote in post #18560456 (external link)
I like your writing, it has an open and honest feel. Especially the paragraphs about portrait style and picture edits. It provides potential clients with an understanding of your goals as a photographer. They know what to expect from their photography session....Your essay combined with sample photos make a winning combo, me thinks....

I agree with Frank but if you are nitpicking then just remove the exclamation marks.




  
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texkam
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Feb 11, 2018 01:33 |  #12

Doesn't sound very sophisticated or particularly professional. It both rambles and wanders. Will it appeal to your target audience? Perhaps.




  
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Wilt
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Post edited 3 months ago by Wilt. (4 edits in all)
     
Feb 11, 2018 14:45 |  #13

Reworked...reorganized to elmination some of the rambling that some have mentioned.

My name is Jerrad Johnson, a local photographer serving Rapid City, SD, and the surrounding area. I opened Ideal Portraits in ’14. I’m happy with my work only when it has lasting value. That is what drives me, and that’s good news for you!

I consider my portrait style to be traditional; I’ve been told that my models appear “living.” And I take that as a compliment! You can learn a little about my personality from my portfolio. Similarly, your friends should see your personality in your portraits! You’re unique, and I encourage you to let that shine in your pictures!

You are my main subject; I want to show you in your best light. When we work together, I’ll focus on your posture, gaze, and your smile! Browse my galleries. Although I remove blemishes that you do not opt to keep, I try to keep your skin’s texture. I want you to appear real, not like a porcelain doll. For your photo session, choose outfits that best describe your personality, and choose props are important to you and show your likes or dislikes, your goals or achievements. Find poses you like and want to try. Or just tell me what personality you want to portray – playful, serious, happy, professional. I’ll help you achieve it.

If you have a suggestion or an idea, please share. This is your shoot more than it’s my shoot! Your pictures represent your life...they’ll go into your picture album to share with your children and grandchildren. Don't get too stressed about all of this though. If you come to me with nothing more specific than a desire for portraits, you'll get my creativity and quality work! This is what I do, and you can let me worry about the details.


Lose this, it adds no particular value, or it makes you sound like a beginner or equipment nerd:

I won’t forget about the other details. My picture edits are mild –

I’m also technically minded, and I use that to help create life-likeness in my pictures by understanding and using some of the best gear in the market.

But, I’m still learning.And I hope I’ll never stop learning! But,


You need to give me OK to edit your image and repost! Keep POTN alive and well with member support http://photography-on-the.net/forum/donate.p​hp
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welshwizard1971
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Post edited 3 months ago by welshwizard1971.
     
Feb 11, 2018 15:20 |  #14

More text than photo's, if I was looking at a photographers website, I'd expect to be slapped in the face by some some great examples of their work, even when I go hunting for some good examples, they're not that big, not big enough for me to see how good they are. But, that's me, I'm a nerd, but, I'm no pixel peeper either, but at the least I'd expect a pic from a pro to be sharp as a minimum, I'd expect most people would, but some of your pics I can't really tell. I've no doubt they are, so shout about it, really show how good you are.........


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OhLook
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Feb 11, 2018 16:01 |  #15

Dusty wrote in post #18560466 (external link)
When using conjunctions like 'and' or 'but' don't precede them with a comma.
Don't start sentences with 'and' or 'but'.
Also you're using too many commas in the wrong places.

Excuse me, but I have decades of experience as a copy editor, and the advice you posted is wrong. Whether a comma should precede "and" or "but" depends on sentence structure. Compound sentences need that comma unless the clauses are short and similar. Starting a sentence with "and" or "but" is all right these days, although it's awkward in some places and it can be overdone.

"Also" shouldn't be used to introduce an independent clause. Wrong: "Also two employees of the defendant testified in his behalf." Acceptable: "Also testifying for the defense were two of Smith's employees."

Dusty wrote in post #18560484 (external link)
"I'll check my commas, though! Thanks."

You're still fragmenting your sentences with unnecessary commas.

The comma is needed to set off "though."


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.), shoo-in | IMAGE EDITING OK

  
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Comment on my new home page's copy
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