This is a really interesting thread.
Firstly, even if the 5D was at fault, canon would probably not be obliged to fix the lens as the camera is out of warranty. They cannot be responsible for mounting extremely expensive new equipment on an old, potentially defective body.
Second, as loads of other people have pointed out, it this was a real problem it would be all over the forum. The Sigma focussing issue turn up most days, soft 24 70s are reported more than weekly, 7D focussing problems threads are very popular and these are not massive issues (or probably not even real "issues"). Given that there are tens (hundreds?) of thousand of 5Ds out there i'm sure we would have heard about this a lot more.
Third, when you are a left hander, as I am, it is pretty much impossible to hold the camera any different to a right hander as the button positions are fixed. When you hold a pen it doesn't matter where you place our fingers as long as you are comfortable. The strange contortions are to stop the ink smudging. When there are fixed contact points the method of operation is pretty much fixed.
Finally, whilst I do feel sorry for the OP, she let herself down a bit with the sexist rubbish. I hadn't paid any attention to her gender as I am sure most people hadn't. No one had said she was stupid or incompetent just that the problem may have been user error. We all make errors no matter how experienced or skilful we are. I make errors every day and just accept they were errors no matter how expensive. At the end of the day it was not an incredibly expensive repair and a good lesson learnt for all of us