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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
bubbygator
I can't tell the difference
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Location: Sarasota, sunlight, butterflies, fish, Gators, and Seminoles
     
Oct 06, 2011 15:01 as a reply to  @ post 13213958 |  #4561

PHOTOBUCKET EMBEDDING IS DISABLED BY THIS MEMBER.
Photobucket sends ads instead of embedding photos from their free galleries.
Click the link (if available) below to see the image in a gallery page.

http://i803.photobucke​t.com …gator/Graphic%2​0Art/1.jpg (external link)
HTTP response: 404 | MIME changed to 'image/gif' | Byte size: ZERO


Two blondes were sitting at an out side restaurant and saw a truck hauling rolls of grass.

The 1st blond said "I'm going to do that one day when I hit the lottery."

The 2nd blond said "Do what?"

The 1st blond said "Send my lawn out to be mowed."

Gear List
The avatar is my middle grandson. (the TF can't tell the difference, but the fish is frowning and the kid is grinning)
Sarasota, sunlight, butterflies, fish, Gators, and Seminoles

  
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S.n.a.f.u.
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Oct 07, 2011 12:37 |  #4562

Elderly woman picks up the phone and calls the circulation office of her local paper.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" she yells loudly into the phone. "I demanded to know where my Sunday edition is."

"Madam", said the circulation manager, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ...

"Well, crap, that explains why no one was at church either ..."


I'm Russ. Gear List
Life is too short to drink bad wine
-ching chai
Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately it kills all pupils
-Louis Hector Berlioz

  
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20droger
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Oct 07, 2011 17:16 as a reply to  @ S.n.a.f.u.'s post |  #4563

What kind of casket are they using for Steve Jobs?


An iBox.




  
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BasAndrews
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Oct 07, 2011 23:23 |  #4564

A team of sociologists are carrying out a study to see if infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery.


Bas (external link)

  
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20droger
Cream of the Crop
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Oct 08, 2011 09:43 as a reply to  @ BasAndrews's post |  #4565

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.


I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


She was only a Tennessee whiskey maker, but he loved her still.


A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.


No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.


A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.


A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.


Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'


I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.


A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'


The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


A backward poet writes inverse.


In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.


When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.


If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.


A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'


Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'


Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'


Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.




  
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Cpt.Vanquisher
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Oct 09, 2011 06:15 |  #4566

^ Those made my day! :)


Bert
gear - modelmayhem (external link) - facebook (external link) - blog (external link)

  
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20droger
Cream of the Crop
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Oct 09, 2011 09:35 as a reply to  @ Cpt.Vanquisher's post |  #4567

Glad we could contribute to your well being.




  
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john123
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Oct 10, 2011 23:26 |  #4568

Yes , those were some fantastic quotes.

Cpt.Vanquisher wrote in post #13224283 (external link)
^ Those made my day! :)




  
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philwillmedia
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Location: "...just south of the 23rd Paralell..."
     
Oct 13, 2011 01:50 |  #4569

They were in their 80's when they met at the singles club meeting.
Over time, they discovered that they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....


Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'

Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off '


Regards, Phil
2019 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year - Runner Up
2018 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year
2018 CAMS (now Motorsport Australia) Gold Accredited Photographer
Finallist - 2014 NT Media Awards
"A bad day at the race track is better than a good day in the office"

  
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PowerShot ­ Greg
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Location: Maine
     
Oct 13, 2011 20:29 |  #4570

Is a hippopotomus really a hippopotomus, or just a really cool opotomus?

RIP Mitch




  
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philwillmedia
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Location: "...just south of the 23rd Paralell..."
     
Oct 13, 2011 23:30 |  #4571

mjww wrote in post #13189420 (external link)
I took the effort to read through all 305 pages. There are some good ones in here.

Radtech1 wrote in post #13193051 (external link)
You need to go to User CP, near the upper left of any page, from there select Edit Options, the third box down is called Thread Display Options. Once there, under Number of Posts to Show Per Page, select Show 50 Posts Per Page, then at the bottom, click "Save Changes".

Do that and the whole thread is only 92 pages long! That's a lots less reading to grind through than 305 pages!

Huh...how do you figure that?
It doesn't change the number of posts.
There's still the same amount of reading.
It just means that the 4500 and something posts are spread across 92 pages instead of 300 and something pages.


Regards, Phil
2019 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year - Runner Up
2018 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year
2018 CAMS (now Motorsport Australia) Gold Accredited Photographer
Finallist - 2014 NT Media Awards
"A bad day at the race track is better than a good day in the office"

  
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icopus
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Oct 14, 2011 10:01 |  #4572

PowerShot Greg wrote in post #13248004 (external link)
RIP Mitch

"I have not slept for ten days... because that would be too long."


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
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PowerShot ­ Greg
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Oct 14, 2011 18:25 |  #4573

^hahaha

"I wanna open a Chair, Lunch, Dinner!"




  
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Daniel ­ Browning
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Oct 15, 2011 01:20 as a reply to  @ post 13074796 |  #4574

Back in Boy Scouts I learned how to make fire when you're out in the wilderness. First you find tinder and gather firewood. Then you find two sticks of approximately equal size. Finally, you bang them together while yelling "someone give me matches!"


Daniel

  
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asysin2leads
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Oct 16, 2011 18:21 as a reply to  @ Daniel Browning's post |  #4575

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $2.99. Deer nuts are under a buck.


Kevin
https://www.google.com ….com&ctz=Americ​a/New_York (external link)

  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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