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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
mrdunu
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164 posts
Joined Nov 2011
     
Jan 25, 2012 19:36 as a reply to  @ post 13767360 |  #4741

...what did the hand say to the face?

SLAAAAAAAAAP :)


Optics:
Canon 7D | 17-55 | ∑ 30 1.4 | MPE-65
2 x Canon 5D Mk III | 16-35L II | 24-70L II | 70-200L 2.8 IS II | 2X III Extender | 85L II | 100L IS Macro | 8-15L Fisheye

  
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S.n.a.f.u.
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Jan 26, 2012 12:11 |  #4742

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men. "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.


I'm Russ. Gear List
Life is too short to drink bad wine
-ching chai
Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately it kills all pupils
-Louis Hector Berlioz

  
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BillGil
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Location: Encinitas, CA
     
Jan 27, 2012 17:11 |  #4743

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife (she's no dummy) thinks, "I have an idea ... it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So. she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never even heard the FIRST shot,...

let alone the 17 that followed!

Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.


Bill

Canon 40D | 24-70mm f/2.8L | 70-200mm f/4L IS l EF-S 10-22mm | 580EX II | Manfrotto 055PROXB w/488RC2 l Kata R-103 | Crumpler 6MDH

  
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Ricardo222
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Jan 28, 2012 16:29 |  #4744

^^ Bill, THAT is funny!!!


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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asysin2leads
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Jan 28, 2012 20:23 as a reply to  @ Ricardo222's post |  #4745

^^Bill, that is an instant hit here at work.


Kevin
https://www.google.com ….com&ctz=Americ​a/New_York (external link)

  
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Perfectly ­ Frank
I'm too sexy for my lens
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Jan 29, 2012 15:21 |  #4746

x_tan wrote in post #13741984 (external link)
:)-

IMG NOTICE: [NOT AN IMAGE URL, NOT RENDERED INLINE]

This one is a favorite!

When you see my camera gear you'll think I'm a pro.
When you see my photos you'll know that I'm not.

My best aviation photos (external link)

  
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mswobo
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Jan 30, 2012 22:39 |  #4747

^^^^ very funny


Nikon D850 and a bunch of stuff, I have learned a lot here when I was shooting Canon, staying to keep learning..."Every time I set up I learn something new".

  
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rooeey
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Feb 01, 2012 00:37 |  #4748

An elderly couple go to the Dr as the old man is not well....The Dr is concerned and requests that the old man supply a Urine sample , stool sample and sperm sample for testing,,,, but the old man is hard of hearing and relies on his wife to speak loudly into his ear and tell him what has been asked of him,,,with this she sais to her elderly husband ,,,,Give him your undies love....


1D MK111 , 5D Classic,24-70F2.8, 16-35F2.8, 70-200F2.8 IS a 430EXII 2x 580EXII and a Mac...:cool:
http://s229.photobucke​t.com/albums/ee124/roo​eey/ (external link)

  
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LBaldwin
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Feb 01, 2012 09:52 |  #4749

A traveling salesman is going through the country when his car breaks down. He goes to a nearby farmhouse and asks to use the phone.
The farmer tells him, "We ain't got a phone, but I'm headin' into town tomorrow an' you kin spend the night here. O' course you'll have to sleep in the same bed as my three sons, here."
And the salesman says, "Wait a minute. I'm in the wrong joke."

........
Prostitutes in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.


Les Baldwin
http://www.fotosfx.com (external link)

  
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kouasupra
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Feb 03, 2012 15:42 as a reply to  @ post 13713983 |  #4750

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh
... I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend'

IMAGE: http://www.rccanada.ca/rccforum/images/smilies/tapedshut.gif

The minister fainted.



  
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kouasupra
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Feb 03, 2012 15:42 as a reply to  @ kouasupra's post |  #4751

A hooded robber burst into a Kansas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Kansas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing
the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber
instantly shot him also. Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak

Then, one old farmer named Bill from Missouri tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."




  
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x_tan
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Feb 04, 2012 16:55 as a reply to  @ kouasupra's post |  #4752

Husband Wanted

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

"HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?

Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"


Canon 5D3 + Zoom (EF 17-40L, 24-105L & 28-300L, 100-400L II) & Prime (24L II, 85L II, 100L, 135L & 200 f/2.8L II; Zeiss 1,4/35)
Sony α7r + Zeiss 1,8/55 FE
Nikon Coolpix A; Nikon F3 & F100 + Zeiss 1,4/50
Retiring  (external link)

  
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x_tan
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Feb 04, 2012 17:42 as a reply to  @ x_tan's post |  #4753

:cool:
:


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Canon 5D3 + Zoom (EF 17-40L, 24-105L & 28-300L, 100-400L II) & Prime (24L II, 85L II, 100L, 135L & 200 f/2.8L II; Zeiss 1,4/35)
Sony α7r + Zeiss 1,8/55 FE
Nikon Coolpix A; Nikon F3 & F100 + Zeiss 1,4/50
Retiring  (external link)

  
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Jon
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Feb 04, 2012 18:47 |  #4754

They're missing no less than 4 ports that I can think of off the top of my head. SCSI-1, SCSI-2, VGA, FW 4-pin, USB-3, 4-pin mini USB, 5-pin mini-USB, Micro USB, HDMI, Display-port, DVI-D, Centronics, IEEE-488. Guess we're a little beyond 4 that they left out, aren't we? And then there are the ones nobody's used for at least 20 years.


Jon
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20droger
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Feb 05, 2012 08:35 as a reply to  @ Jon's post |  #4755

Jon, Jon, Jon....

Just how many ports did you have on your Altair?

Or was that your abacus?

And I don't see any quarter-inch patchcord jacks, either.




  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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