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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Nature ­ Nut
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Dec 09, 2012 23:32 |  #5491

That is comic gold! bw!


Adam - Upstate NY:

  
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tim
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Dec 10, 2012 03:16 |  #5492

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously, "Is there a problem?"

The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes, "I'm afraid so...I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy."

The patient is devastated and shockingly replies, "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection?"

The surgeon pauses for a moment then says, "Well, you might, but it won't be yours."


Professional wedding photographer, solution architect and general technical guy with multiple Amazon Web Services certifications.
Read all my FAQs (wedding, printing, lighting, books, etc)

  
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philwillmedia
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Dec 10, 2012 05:35 |  #5493

If the answer is Cock Robin, what is the question....


Regards, Phil
2019 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year - Runner Up
2018 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year
2018 CAMS (now Motorsport Australia) Gold Accredited Photographer
Finallist - 2014 NT Media Awards
"A bad day at the race track is better than a good day in the office"

  
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Ricardo222
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Dec 10, 2012 05:39 |  #5494

philwillmedia wrote in post #15348033 (external link)
If the answer is Cock Robin, what is the question....

"Why did the chicken cross the Tasman?" ??


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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Radtech1
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Dec 10, 2012 15:30 |  #5495

This guy is at his local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and he sees a woman there that he has never seen before, and he begins to chat with her during the break. "So, what brings you here?" he asks.

She unfolds a piece of paper and says "Well, I need to get this signed for my parole officer."

"Your parole officer?" he replies.

"Yeah," she continues, "I just got out of prison last week"

"Hmm, prison?" he asks.

"Yes. The last time I got drunk, I blacked out and went into a psychotic rage and murdered my husband."

"Oh, you're single…"


.
.

Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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D. ­ Vance
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Dec 10, 2012 15:50 |  #5496

Radtech1 wrote in post #15350051 (external link)
This guy is at his local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and he sees a woman there that he has never seen before, and he begins to chat with her during the break. "So, what brings you here?" he asks.

She unfolds a piece of paper and says "Well, I need to get this signed for my parole officer."

"Your parole officer?" he replies.

"Yeah," she continues, "I just got out of prison last week"

"Hmm, prison?" he asks.

"Yes. The last time I got drunk, I blacked out and went into a psychotic rage and murdered my husband."

"Oh, you're single…"

And I'm pretty certain the guy is single and desperate. :lol:


I wonder if the video editors on The Titanic ever went, "Sorry, I can't right now. I'm busy synching the Titanic..."

  
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1Tanker
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Dec 10, 2012 16:13 |  #5497

D. Vance wrote in post #15350116 (external link)
And I'm pretty certain the guy is single and desperate. :lol:

Or he's at the AA meeting, and wasted. :lol:


Kel
Gear

  
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philwillmedia
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Dec 11, 2012 20:13 |  #5498

philwillmedia wrote in post #15348033 (external link)
If the answer is Cock Robin, what is the question....

What's that up my bum Batman...


Regards, Phil
2019 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year - Runner Up
2018 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year
2018 CAMS (now Motorsport Australia) Gold Accredited Photographer
Finallist - 2014 NT Media Awards
"A bad day at the race track is better than a good day in the office"

  
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Iancentric
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Dec 11, 2012 22:46 |  #5499

philwillmedia wrote in post #15355567 (external link)
What's that up my bum Batman...

:lol::lol::lol::lol:


Ian
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Hammy74
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Dec 12, 2012 08:49 |  #5500

A woman comes into a vet clinic with a limp duck in her hands.

The vet takes the duck, lays it on the table and after careful examination
tells the woman that her duck is dead.

The woman is disbelieving and asks him if he is sure the duck is dead.

The vet leaves the room and returns with a black labrador retriever.

The dog jumps up on the table, sniffs the duck, shakes his head and leaves the room.

The vet leaves the room again and returns with a cat.

The cat jumps up on the table, looks at the duck, shakes his head and leaves the room.

After the cat leaves, the vet prints out a bill for $150 and gives it to the woman.

The woman is outraged at the bill and questions why it's $150 for him to tell her the
duck is dead.

The vet replies...'Normally it would have been $20 but the extra cost is for the lab report
and cat scan'.


Steve

  
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jkru617
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Dec 12, 2012 10:44 |  #5501

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he was drinking coffee before it was cool




  
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philwillmedia
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Dec 13, 2012 04:31 |  #5502

How do you make a dog meow...?
Put it in a freezer for three days then run it across a band-saw....meeeeooooow

How do you make a cat go woof...?
Soak it in petrol and then throw it a match....WOOF


Regards, Phil
2019 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year - Runner Up
2018 South Australian Country Press Assoc Sports Photo of the Year
2018 CAMS (now Motorsport Australia) Gold Accredited Photographer
Finallist - 2014 NT Media Awards
"A bad day at the race track is better than a good day in the office"

  
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Radtech1
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Dec 16, 2012 11:39 |  #5503

Q: What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
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A: Luke warm.


.
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Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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CJCMarquez
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Dec 16, 2012 13:41 |  #5504

Hahaha. I like that one. Any more Star Wars jokes?


Chad or CJ
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Bend ­ The ­ Light
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Dec 16, 2012 14:25 |  #5505

I took my Granddad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue. My Granddad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Granddad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son .."




  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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