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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
FrostMonolith
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Mar 03, 2013 05:24 |  #5761

LBaldwin wrote in post #15670775 (external link)
A man dies and his widow phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead." The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words." The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Nikon for sale."

I wish it was "7D for sale" instead..


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jay125
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Mar 03, 2013 11:42 |  #5762

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.



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Ricardo222
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Mar 03, 2013 14:18 |  #5763

jay125 wrote in post #15671759 (external link)
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

I'm still grinning at the image created by that little story!:D


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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jay125
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Mar 03, 2013 16:09 |  #5764

Ricardo222 wrote in post #15672236 (external link)
I'm still grinning at the image created by that little story!:D

It is by far my favorite of all time. I usually keep it tucked away until Halloween.



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neil_r
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Mar 05, 2013 11:17 |  #5765

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night .......

or Foreplay, as she like to call it.


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Skip ­ Souza
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Mar 05, 2013 11:25 |  #5766

That one will cost you. ROTHLMAO


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Calicajun
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Mar 05, 2013 12:27 |  #5767

neil_r wrote in post #15679516 (external link)
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night .......

or Foreplay, as she like to call it.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:bw!


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CameraMan
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Mar 05, 2013 15:10 |  #5768

While Sitting on the Airplane

Two blind pilots, both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane came aboard the plane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."


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Harm
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Mar 05, 2013 15:12 |  #5769

^bw! bw! bw! bw!


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Ricardo222
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Mar 05, 2013 18:25 |  #5770

All I can think about is the landing process!!! :rolleyes:


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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20droger
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Mar 06, 2013 01:18 as a reply to  @ Ricardo222's post |  #5771

Looooooooooooooong white stick.




  
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Hammy74
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Mar 06, 2013 07:57 |  #5772

A local farmer drove to his neighbor's farm house , and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9 years old, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home asked the farmer" "No, Sir, he isn't; he went into town with my Mom."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No, Sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

The young boy asked; "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."

The boy quickly replied "You'd definitely have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard!!"


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RTMiller
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Mar 08, 2013 12:42 |  #5773

Mom was out, and dad was in charge. The little girl was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home. Dad made mom wait in the living room to watch their daughter bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

Mom waited, and sure enough, here she came down the hall with a cup of tea for daddy. Mom watched dad drink it up. Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"



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lehmanncpa
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Mar 08, 2013 13:04 as a reply to  @ RTMiller's post |  #5774

Although amusing, that sounds like more of an anecdote than a joke.

Did you enjoy your tea? :cool:


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Harm
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Mar 08, 2013 13:18 as a reply to  @ lehmanncpa's post |  #5775

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.


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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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