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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
Grumps ­ Photo
Suffering Keyboard in Mouth desease
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Aug 21, 2013 18:58 |  #6166

Roy Mathers wrote in post #16227625 (external link)
Yes, I did see it coming, as I've heard that joke many times!:D

20droger wrote in post #16227740 (external link)
That's what you get for being old.

That just allowed him to figure it out a'head' of time.

It's not like he would remember at that age.


Grumps
(aka Jim or JAZZ D.P.G.)
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Roy ­ Mathers
I am Spartacus!
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Aug 22, 2013 05:57 |  #6167

20droger wrote in post #16227740 (external link)
That's what you get for being old.

There are some advantages in antiquity!




  
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20droger
Cream of the Crop
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Aug 22, 2013 08:41 |  #6168

Roy Mathers wrote in post #16229735 (external link)
There are some advantages in antiquity!

Yep! Your value goes up as an antique.

Those artificial hips are expensive!




  
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toolman21
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Aug 22, 2013 11:02 |  #6169

So a penguin is driving down the road in his car. Suddenly oil starts pouring from everywhere. He pulls into the mechanics shop.

The penguin explains what happened, the mechanic says he will take a look at it in a bit. The penguin is walking around nearby and finds an ice cream stand. Great! says the penguin, I love ice cream. So the penguin gets a big vanilla cone.

Walking back the penguin has a hard time holding the cone while eating it (flippers and all) and ends up getting ice cream all over him.

The penguin walks back into the mechanics shop, the mechanic looks up and says Oh hi it's you. It looks like you blew a seal.

The penguin gets angry and exclaims "I did no such thing! This is ice cream!"


Toolman21 - Canon 60d & T1i (sold) - Canon 17-55 | Canon 17-85 | Canon 50mm 1.4 | Sigma 10-20 | Canon 55-250
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Harm
I don't always post, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis....
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Aug 22, 2013 12:38 |  #6170

^ :D:D:D:D


SmugMug (external link)

  
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LBaldwin
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Aug 22, 2013 23:49 |  #6171

That awkward moment when your toys make 3 movies behind your back.

-Andy


Les Baldwin
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bidkev
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Aug 23, 2013 00:15 |  #6172

They say, "A little bit of what you fancy does you good"

It sure buggered up Gary Glitter's career though.


See my fishy photography here: https://kevindickinson​fineartphot.smugmug.co​m/Tropical-Fish-2/ (external link)
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neil_r
Cream of the Proverbial Crop
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Aug 23, 2013 10:23 |  #6173

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you £100."
The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred pounds is a hundred pounds... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"


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Ron ­ Bailey
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Aug 25, 2013 04:32 |  #6174

neil_r wrote in post #16233353 (external link)
Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you £100."
The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred pounds is a hundred pounds... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"

I did LOL at this one. Being a Roman Catholic with Jewish ancestry makes it even funnier.


http://www.ronbaileyph​otography.com/ (external link)

  
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CameraMan
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Aug 27, 2013 14:31 |  #6175

So, this guy gets really drunk one night and as he's walking home he throws up all over the front of his shirt. And he says "Oh, my wife is going to kill me, I've got vomit all over me".

His friend says, "I got a great idea, put a $20 bill in your shirt pocket and tell your wife that some guy threw up all over you and gave you $20 to pay to have it cleaned".

The guy says, "You're a genius, that's a great idea I'm gonna put $20 dollars in my pocket and tell her that's what happened".

So he gets home and his wife looks at him and says "What the hell happened to you? You've got vomit all over your suit".

He says, "Oh, I can explain that. You see I was walking down the street and some guy came up to me out of nowhere and threw up all over me. But it's OK because he gave me $20 dollars so I could take my suit and have it cleaned and it's right here in my pocket". (points to his jacket pocket)

So the wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out 2 $20's and she says, Well, there's 2 20's here. What's the other 20 for"?

He says, "Oh, that's from the guy who pooped in my pants".

:lol:


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Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

  
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Harm
I don't always post, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis....
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Aug 27, 2013 14:48 |  #6176

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


SmugMug (external link)

  
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neilwood32
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Aug 28, 2013 07:04 |  #6177

A few minutes before the church services started the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

' Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'


Having a camera makes you no more a photographer than having a hammer and some nails makes you a carpenter - Claude Adams
Keep calm and carry a camera!
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BearLeeAlive
All butt cheeks and string.
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Aug 28, 2013 12:36 |  #6178

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said,
"You're an alphabet wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?"

He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous,
and Hot".

She smiled happily and said ...
"Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving
his private parts.


-JIM-

  
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Radtech1
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Aug 28, 2013 13:08 |  #6179

This guy is at the local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and he sees a woman there who he has never seen before. During the break he strikes up a conversation with her.

"So, what brings you here?" he asks.

"My probation officer said that I have to come to these meetings" she replies.

"Oh, probation officer?" he replies.

"Yea, after fifteen years, I just got out of prison."

"Oh, prison?"

"Yes" she continues, "Last time I got drunk I went into a homicidal blackout and murdered my husband."

"Oh, you're single…"


.
.

Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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Radtech1
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Aug 29, 2013 23:14 |  #6180

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."


.
.

Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)
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