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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
adza77
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Nov 05, 2013 17:29 |  #6346

Great story Tiberius

I reckon there should be a dedicated thread to stuff like this! (Hence my posting https://photography-on-the.net …p?p=16427376#po​st16427376 )


Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

  
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displaced ­ texan
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Nov 06, 2013 09:04 |  #6347

Tiberius wrote in post #16427120 (external link)
While it's not a joke (a true story) and it is most definitely photography related, I just had to share this from our friend David Hobby...

The year was 1986. I was a photojournalism student at the University of Florida. (Go Gators, beat Florida State.) And during the winter break I had elected to take a photo practicum.

A photo practicum was a week in which you drove to another city, slept on someone's floor and worked your ass off at a good photo paper for a week. For free. In fact, it was less than free, as you had to buy the credit hour to get the credit needed for graduation. And you needed at least two of them. And an internship.

In 1986 our archrival at UF was Florida State University, located in Tallahassee, FL. The local newspaper there was the Tallahassee Democrat, which was a pretty damn good photo paper — especially for a small market paper. I still remember the staff by name, much like I still remember the starting lineup of the 1972 Cincinnati Reds.

Phil Sears, Mike Ewen, Phil Coale and Mark Wallheiser. They did good work – especially in their coverage of the UF/FSU game, of which I never failed to compare notes. So, brimming with misplaced confidence, I chose the Tally Democrat as my second of two photojournalism practicums.


Plus One Inter-School Rivalry…

It is important to know the depth of the rivalry between UF and FSU. As adults, the Democrat staff were (mostly) past all of that, but it was important to me. I was not gonna screw this up and lose face as a Gator.

Which is why I wanted to go above and beyond, all week long. And which is why I would do anything to make my photos better.

So when I got an assignment to do a biz shoot of a new hair salon the better part of an hour away, I packed up my (then) lighting kit, a set of Novatron 240s. I went with stands and a couple of Larson "Reflectasol" umbrellas. Think normal umbrellas but with these gawdawful mini-boom clamps that were, to me, beyond useless. But they were what I had.

I made the drive, grabbed my gear out of my car and lit the hell out of that place. Yes I did. Go Gators.


… Equals a Recipe For Disaster

Now, back in them days we didn't have no digital cameras. We had Polaroid backs. And for $2 a shot, you could check your lighting.

But I didn't have a Polaroid back. Or two dollars, for that matter. So I always winged it.

Besides, I liked being a little surprised by the results when I pulled my film out of the fixer early for a l'il peek. Miss that, actually. Not the brown-tipped fingers I sported from the developer stains. But I do miss editing film and I miss seeing my prints fade in while in the developer tray. I'm old.

It should be said at this point that the salon I was shooting was pretty snazzy. Very mod. Lots of windows and lots of big framed prints on the wall. With glass in front of them.

You can see where this is going.


Back to the Paper

So I light it, shoot it and break down. Then I take the long drive back to the Democrat.

Even as a practicum student, I had late-night access to the photo department (we shot night games, obviously, for sports.) So of course I nixed dinner and went straight back to the paper to soup my Tri-X. This biz shoot was gonna rock.

So, soup the film and dinner from the vending machine while the film was in the Senrac dryer and get ready to edit on the light table. We edited straight from negatives. It's easy — after a while, your brain just starts transposing the tones naturally. And telling critical sharpness is easy with a loupe.

So let's take a look.


That Moment When...

First frame. Looks really nice, except for there appears to be a big image of, oh, let's call it a photographic umbrella in the glass of most of the picture frames on the wall. Don't remember seeing that. In fact, I don't even remember mentally processing what the pictures were of in the first place.

Meh, we got more. I shot three rolls, all different angles. So I keep editing.

Umbrella reflections. Umbrella reflections. Umbrella reflections. Every frame.

No prob. Next roll.

Same thing.

Third roll. Same thing. Every effing frame. There was no need to even print them. You could easily see the photo umbrellas on every single negative, right on the light table.

Not. Good.

What the hell am I gonna do? I can't let a bunch of FSU-liking photographers find out about this. Ever. Or at least for the next 27 years. (Hey, Mark!)

So the next day, on my day off, I did the 90-min round trip drive to re-shoot it. I can't even remember the excuse I gave to the salon owner as to why I was coming back out. I'm sure it was brilliant. At least give me that.


That Other Moment When…

So I arrive back at the salon. I grab my cameras. I grab my case of Novatrons. And I head in.

Naturally, the very first thing I am gonna do is to look at all of the picture frames real good. I want to figure out where I can position the camera and lights to avoid coming back to the paper for a second time with a bunch of useless images of photographic umbrellas.

As I was walking up, I would not have thought it possible to feel any dumber than I had at the light table, 40 miles away, the night before. I was wrong.

The moment I opened the door I instantly raised the bar to a whole new level of stupid. I saw immediately that the stylish, poster-sized images were all actually pictures of photographic umbrellas.

The whole salon had a cool, edgy photo shoot theme. In my lighting tunnel vision mind I had just not noticed it. Until I was at the light table.

So I made a half dozen more frames so I wouldn't look like the moron I was in front of the owner, and drove back to the paper. I never told them, either. Not until now.

SOURCE (external link)

bw!




  
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hairy_moth
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Nov 06, 2013 11:26 |  #6348

Tiberius wrote in post #16427120 (external link)
It is important to know the depth of the rivalry between UF and FSU. As adults, the Democrat staff were (mostly) past all of that, but it was important to me. I was not gonna screw this up and lose face as a Gator.

No it wasn't, all that was important to know was: on this assignment, you wanted to "shoot the lights out!" (so to speak! :) )


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JasonMK
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Nov 13, 2013 13:00 |  #6349

Anyone hear any good jokes lately?


-JasonMK on Flickr (external link)
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pwm2
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Nov 13, 2013 13:36 |  #6350

That the 5D is a joke compared to todays standards? :cool:

From this thread:
https://photography-on-the.net …/showthread.php​?t=1341306


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cdiver2
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Nov 13, 2013 14:10 |  #6351

Fred calls into work one day and tells his boss I'm not coming in today I'm sick. My head hurts, my joints hurt and I'm running a fever"
His boss tells him I realy need you in today, when I'm sick I tell my wife to give me really hot sex.
After that I feel great and can go to work, you should try it.
two hours later Fred is at work and tells his boss you were right I feel great......oh and by the way you have a very nice house




  
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BenLeaman
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Nov 13, 2013 15:02 as a reply to  @ cdiver2's post |  #6352

A stranger walks into a bar and finds a bartender, one of the "regulars" sitting at the bar and a jar full of cash on the countertop. The stranger sits down, orders a drink and stares at the jar for awhile. Finally he asks the bartender "what's the deal with that jar of money?" The bartender informs him that it's part of an ongoing challenge; whomever can get the bartender to laugh can have all the cash in the jar. So the stranger sits and finishes his drink. He gets up to leave but first stops by the bartender and whispers quietly into his ear. Immediately, the bartender erupts in laughter and the stranger walks over, empties the jar and leaves.

A few weeks later the same stranger arrives back at the bar to find the same bartender, the same customer and another jar full of money. Immediately, the stranger asks "what's the challenge this time?" The bartender informs him that if someone can make him cry, they can have all the winnings. The stranger orders a drink and sits silently until he finishes it. Then he quietly calls the bartender to join him in the bathroom. A minute later the bartender emerges sobbing like a baby. The stranger follows him out, winks at the "regular" while emptying out the jar yet again. He then leaves.

So a few minutes go by and the regular decides he has to know how the stranger won the money. He asks, "what did he say to make you laugh?"
The bartender replied "He said his dick is bigger than mine."
"Ok" replied the customer "so then what did he do to make you cry?"
The bartender looked down at the floor and blushed "He showed me."


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BenLeaman
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Nov 13, 2013 15:03 |  #6353

cdiver2 wrote in post #16448844 (external link)
Fred calls into work one day and tells his boss I'm not coming in today I'm sick. My head hurts, my joints hurt and I'm running a fever"
His boss tells him I realy need you in today, when I'm sick I tell my wife to give me really hot sex.
After that I feel great and can go to work, you should try it.
two hours later Fred is at work and tells his boss you were right I feel great......oh and by the way you have a very nice house

Haha I like that one!


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WorkingClassHero
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Nov 19, 2013 02:52 |  #6354

When asked to define the difference between prose and poetry, the Irish playwright and author Brendan Behan provided the following explanation:

"There was a young fellah named Rollocks
Who worked for Ferrier Pollocks.
As he walked on the Strand
With his girl by the hand
The tide came up to his knees.

Now that Sir is prose. If the tide had been in, it would have been poetry!"


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Grumps ­ Photo
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Nov 19, 2013 09:23 |  #6355

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says," How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b**** tonight, Dave."


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Harm
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Nov 19, 2013 09:29 |  #6356

^ :lol::lol::lol:


SmugMug (external link)

  
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Skip ­ Souza
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Nov 19, 2013 19:16 as a reply to  @ Harm's post |  #6357

Only In San Francisco

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You've gotta be kiddin me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..."

So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.


Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"

"He told the guy the whole sad and terrible story about how he got there."

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently on the neck and said, "This ain't gonna be your day, Cupcake..."


Bless the recently fallen and their family and friends.
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neil_r
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Nov 21, 2013 10:35 as a reply to  @ JasonMK's post |  #6358

An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

'Thirty pounds,' she whispers.
Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only thirty pounds.
So they hid in the bushes.
They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.
It is the police.
'What's going on here, people?' asks the cop.
'I'm making love to me wife,' Paddy answers sounding annoyed.
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know.'
'Well, neither did I, til ya shined that bloody light in her face!'


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troutfisher
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Nov 25, 2013 06:32 |  #6359

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota ,
I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the xxx out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'


Chris
" Age and treachery will always defeat youth and enthusiasm"

  
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hairy_moth
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Nov 26, 2013 05:36 |  #6360

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table
expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, “You don’t
get any breakfast until you do your chores.”

A little upset, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to
milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a
chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry
cereal. “Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?” asks the little boy.
His mother replies, “I saw you kick the cow, so you don’t get any
milk, I saw you kick a chicken so you don’t get eggs, and I saw
you kick a pig so you don’t get any bacon!”

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy’s father comes down the
stairs, trips over the family cat then turns around and kicks it.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a big grin and asks, “Do
you want to tell him, or should I?”


7D | 300D | G1X | Tokina 11-16mm f/2.8 | EF-S 17-55mm f/2.8 | EF-S 60mm f/2.8 Macro | EF 85mm f/1.8 | 70-200 f/2.8L MkII -- flickr (external link)

  
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