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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
pixelbasher
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Jan 24, 2014 03:58 |  #6451

apparently 98% of all Harley Davidsons ever produced are still on the road......the other 2% made it home


50D. 7D. 24-105L. 100-400L. 135L. 50 1.8 Sigma 8-16
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Scottes
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Jan 30, 2014 13:15 |  #6452

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.


I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.


What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.


I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I just have beer.


What do you get when you put a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.

What sound does a piano make when you drop it on an army base?
A flat major.


Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One says to the other, 'Can you smell fish?'.


I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.


Two whales walk into a bar. They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOH​HHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAU​AAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO​OOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOO​OOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAA​AAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU​UUUUUUUUU"
The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."


There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those that weren't expecting a base 3 joke.


There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.


It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.


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Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. -Tracy Jordan


A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.


You can take my 100-400 L away when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
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dodgyexposure
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Jan 30, 2014 17:43 |  #6453

^^^ Thanks for the laughs, I enjoyed those gags. I love a good maths gag, and some of yours I hadn't heard before.


Cheers, Damien

  
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Corbeau
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Jan 30, 2014 21:21 |  #6454

Scottes wrote in post #16650357 (external link)
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

I read this one about six times before realizing it wasn't a one-liner...

dodgyexposure wrote in post #16651029 (external link)
^^^ Thanks for the laughs, I enjoyed those gags. I love a good maths gag, and some of yours I hadn't heard before.

Here's one for you, then:

-What does the "B" in "Benoit B. Mandelbrot" stand for?
-"Benoit B. Mandelbrot"


Look and think before opening the shutter. The heart and mind are the true lens of the camera. -- Yousuf Karsh

  
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Fg7uuui
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Jan 31, 2014 14:54 |  #6455
bannedPermanent ban

No joke but funny.

(The text above the pictures says: When wedding photographers have no idea of their job)

http://hobia.com …on-ihrem-beruf-haben.html (external link)




  
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JasonMK
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Jan 31, 2014 18:19 |  #6456

Richie1978 wrote in post #16653322 (external link)
No joke but funny.

(The text above the pictures says: When wedding photographers have no idea of their job)

http://hobia.com …on-ihrem-beruf-haben.html (external link)

What the heck? Are these all by the same unfortunate photographer or are there more than one wedding photographer that thinks it is fun to shrink the bride or groom for a wedding day photo? I've seen worse (by accident or lack of a skill). Some one went out of there way to leave us these "memories".


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CameraMan
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Feb 01, 2014 09:59 |  #6457

Some of those would be a perfect fit for youarenotaphotographer​.com. :-)


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Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

  
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Voaky999
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Feb 01, 2014 10:21 |  #6458

Richie1978 wrote in post #16653322 (external link)
No joke but funny.

(The text above the pictures says: When wedding photographers have no idea of their job)

http://hobia.com …on-ihrem-beruf-haben.html (external link)

I really liked the bride and groom on the swan.


Don
"Knowledge is Good" Emil Faber

  
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Canajun
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Feb 01, 2014 12:09 |  #6459

Richie1978 wrote in post #16653322 (external link)
No joke but funny.

(The text above the pictures says: When wedding photographers have no idea of their job)

http://hobia.com …on-ihrem-beruf-haben.html (external link)

You're allowed to marry a sheep (#33)?


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I Like Shooting Animals Than People.

  
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20droger
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Feb 01, 2014 12:44 |  #6460

Canajun wrote in post #16655454 (external link)
You're allowed to marry a sheep (#33)?

It's a goat, not a sheep. He married her because he wants to have kids really ba-a-a-a-a-a-ad!

You know what they say: different strokes for different folks. Besides, who are we to judge?




  
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garryknight
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Feb 01, 2014 12:57 |  #6461

Pitchfork groom and concertina bride look like they're regretting it already.


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20droger
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Feb 01, 2014 18:21 as a reply to  @ garryknight's post |  #6462

I hitched thousands of couples during my ministry, and I can tell you there have been quite a few that I knew would not make it. Alas, I've never been wrong in that regard.




  
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Ricardo222
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Feb 01, 2014 18:29 |  #6463

20droger wrote in post #16655527 (external link)
It's a goat, not a sheep. He married her because he wants to have kids really ba-a-a-a-a-a-ad!

You know what they say: different strokes for different folks. Besides, who are we to judge?

:D:D Cheers, Roger...you never let us down!:D:D

(You had a ministry? Wow! All I had was a large bulldozer, then a steel schooner! Seems trivial by comparison to a ministry!)


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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20droger
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Feb 01, 2014 19:15 |  #6464

Ricardo222 wrote in post #16656255 (external link)
:D:D Cheers, Roger...you never let us down!:D:D

(You had a ministry? Wow! All I had was a large bulldozer, then a steel schooner! Seems trivial by comparison to a ministry!)

Me. Many, many years ago:


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Ricardo222
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Feb 02, 2014 00:51 |  #6465

Mmmm...I would have listened! :)


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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