Friends/Family who want free/low cost wedding photography

I used to have a similar situation arise with flight instruction (that wasn't my main line of work, I just did it on the side as a way to raise extra spending money). One individual would always get me to do free bi-annual flight reviews and the other got free instruction from me for his commercial license. These people weren't poor, they were just cheap. It would have been different if they'd have showed up to help me build my deck or paint the house, etc. but they never did. I finally came to realize that if they decided to end our friendship because I no longer gave in to their request for freebies then they weren't worth having as friends.

I like the idea of the 'friends and family special rate'. Let them know they're getting a good deal, and make sure they know how many hours of work are involved. You could put it like 'my normal rate for this would be XXX, but I'll knock YYY off of that as your wedding present'.

texkam wrote in post #16835944
"No, I'm sorry, but I'm really not set up to do wedding photography. That is a whole different realm, but I can recommend xyz. They do amazing work. Besides, I really want to be at, participate and enjoy your wedding as a guest, not work it. I want to be free of job related anxieties when I celebrate your special day with you and the rest of the family. Hope you understand. I will be happy to shoot a nice portrait of you all after you get settled in after the honeymoon."


Done.

THIS ^

I also will not do weddings - ever, I don't care who you are. I get asked by friends and family all the time.

my response

"I am sorry, but I don't shoot weddings. The people who do are very good at it, and I don't. This is a special day in your life, and you need a professional who knows how to capture it for you in the best way. Besides, you are my friend/family and I want to celebrate this day with you, and not be stuck behind a lens all day and night."

If they are really a friend they will understand, if not..... well.... you know....

I'd say, "sorry, but I'm busy or booked that weekend" and leave it at that. Keep it short and simple.

Thorrulz wrote in post #16836326
I'd say, "sorry, but I'm busy or booked that weekend" and leave it at that. Keep it short and simple.

Only works if you aren't going to the wedding at all.

Honestly, if you don't do weddings, trying and messing it up would probably be worse than saying no.

I have to agree with the overall sentiment of "You're not a wedding photographer, so you need to tell them that."

You mention that saying no to them might ruin you relationship with them. I think trying to take their wedding photos and screwing that up would damage the relationship far more! (Not necessarily implying you would screw them up, but the possibility does exist)

I agree with the phrase that texkam gave you. It explains the situation, gives a suggestion on how to resolve it, and then ends positively.

scd wrote in post #16835153
I feel like I can't say no as it would really affect our (future) relationship... but on the other hand I don't really want to do it.

I don't get why this should be the case. It isn't a service you offer professionally... just say "No". The end.

I'm a professional opera singer but I don't deal with rap music. In fact, I hate rap music. My friends want me to rap at their wedding... they'll be offended if I say "No"

However you already know this... you are really fishing for validation and support for saying yes... but withe a caveat to cover yourself if you mess up.

If your "friends" don't understand your saying "no" to not doing something you don't actually offer as a service is a perfectly reasonable response... I'd be getting some new friends.

I've had friends ask me in the past. A simple "I'm flattered, but I don't shoot weddings" is all I said. They made the 'that's ok, just do your best", and I said, thanks but I'm not interested. I would rather enjoy the day, and not have the stress of shooting such an important event. They dropped it, and it hasn't affected anything.

If you are honest and forthright they should understand.

Do you WANT to do the weddings? My husband and I don't do weddings either but we will do fiends and family if we feel we can meet their expectations and we are all clear, understood and contracted. And then we give them a discount as a wedding gift. We've only done it a few times and it went well. We hope we can keep blessing our friends this way. And some dear friends we would not want anyone else capturing their weddings! It's a way we do get involved with them more intimately during the process and we all get blessed. That's just another perspective if you feel you'd really like to do it.

How to Say No

How to Say No Respectfully

Learn to Say No

Good luck

Thank you for all your responses!! I really appreciate it and will think it over some more over the weekend.

Well actually this is not the first time this has come up. The first time I was asked (a few years ago) I think I said no but in a round about way and it didn't affect our relationship. I just tried to find our conversations but I can't since it's a few years ago now.

Second time it came up I sent her a professional quote (with letterhead and everything) saying it's a friends and family rate but it was still too expensive for her. So I don't think this tactic would work either and to be honest I would just rather do it for free than some measly $100-200 amount.

The problem is, I have already agreed to do the first couple (since they are family) and if I put the photos on my blog/Facebook the second couple will see them and if I said no to them.. arrgghhh I know I'm over thinking this...

scd wrote in post #16837619
The problem is, I have already agreed to do the first couple (since they are family) and if I put the photos on my blog/Facebook the second couple will see them and if I said no to them.. arrgghhh I know I'm over thinking this...

You just love to make things complicated. (Not to mention providing entertainment for thousands of people in the internet audience.) The obvious question here is who's forcing you to put photos online? You already said you don't normally do weddings, so what's the point of putting wedding photos on a blog or facebook (unless you're like my daughter and would have a nervous breakdown to go a day without posting something).

If you don't want to do it JUST SAY NO.

Since you've already told them you would do it, you have essentially become a wedding photographer. My advice is to take the next few months to learn to shoot a wedding professionally. Maybe find a wedding photographer and convince them to let you second shoot a time or two (or however many times it takes).
Talk to the couple and find out what their expectations are... Do they want prints? Do they want digital files? Do they expect them to be edited? If so, to what degree do they want them edited? Are they expecting a book?

As for the second couple, either tell them you are only shooting the other because they are family, or agree to shoot their wedding as well.

I forced a friend to shoot my wedding...

The B@$&@%D shot 3000 pictures, pulled out the memory cards and said "here, I got you a couple of memory card as a wedding present"

Took me bloody ages to go through all the shots. I mean BLOODY ages. If you shoot this wedding it will cost you a large chunk of your life. Or more to the point, you'll be editing this thing instead of doing any real work - it will cost you money. You really need to explain that to them...

One possibility would be to charge them (perhaps a somewhat low amount) with the explanation that the time it would take to edit their shots would take you away from your paying work, and you can't afford to do that.

scd wrote in post #16837619
Thank you for all your responses!! I really appreciate it and will think it over some more over the weekend.

Well actually this is not the first time this has come up. The first time I was asked (a few years ago) I think I said no but in a round about way and it didn't affect our relationship. I just tried to find our conversations but I can't since it's a few years ago now.

Second time it came up I sent her a professional quote (with letterhead and everything) saying it's a friends and family rate but it was still too expensive for her. So I don't think this tactic would work either and to be honest I would just rather do it for free than some measly $100-200 amount.

The problem is, I have already agreed to do the first couple (since they are family) and if I put the photos on my blog/Facebook the second couple will see them and if I said no to them.. arrgghhh I know I'm over thinking this...

Yes, you are! There's a big difference between shooting for family, and shooting for friends. Just point that out to the friends...