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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
BamPhoto
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Sep 13, 2014 22:44 |  #6826

:) :)


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Tiberius
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Sep 14, 2014 01:57 |  #6827

Warning: Bad, tasteless and probably offensive Joke Ahead!

What does it mean when the hooker has a runny nose?

She's full.


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20droger
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Sep 16, 2014 00:45 as a reply to  @ Tiberius's post |  #6828

What you don't want to overhear your twelve year old daughter sing while she jumps rope:

Out here on the mean streets all day long,
Daddy thinks I'm a virgin, but he's wrong.




  
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JasonMK
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Sep 16, 2014 12:30 |  #6829

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the inflight wifi and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!


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Tiberius
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Sep 17, 2014 02:51 |  #6830

JasonMK wrote in post #17158608 (external link)
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the inflight wifi and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!

bw!


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ceriltheblade
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Sep 17, 2014 02:54 as a reply to  @ Tiberius's post |  #6831

JasonMK wrote in post #17149700 (external link)
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

JasonMK wrote in post #17158608 (external link)
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the inflight wifi and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!

both of these were great.
even my better half had a nice chuckle.
thanks!


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Ricardo222
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Sep 20, 2014 16:59 |  #6832

Media person to Prime Minister (after his being voted in for a third term): "Wonderful election, sir!"
PM: "Yes, and I haven't even had bleakfast yet!"


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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JasonMK
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Sep 25, 2014 05:19 |  #6833

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

When his lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes.

When the man remained silent for several minutes, the lawyer asked the man what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."


-JasonMK on Flickr (external link)
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20droger
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Sep 30, 2014 00:29 as a reply to  @ JasonMK's post |  #6834

You know you're in trouble when the only time you talk to your wife is when you are apologizing.




  
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lehmanncpa
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Sep 30, 2014 13:40 |  #6835

20droger wrote in post #17185349 (external link)
You know you're in trouble when the only time you talk to your wife is when you are apologizing.

I've always found it best to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.


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Ricardo222
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Sep 30, 2014 15:14 |  #6836

lehmanncpa wrote in post #17186326 (external link)
I've always found it best to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

I agree! At least that way we get to DO stuff!


Growing old disgracefully!

  
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20droger
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Sep 30, 2014 20:10 |  #6837

lehmanncpa wrote in post #17186326 (external link)
I've always found it best to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

Ricardo222 wrote in post #17186492 (external link)
I agree! At least that way we get to DO stuff!

Of course, following this philosophy there will perhaps be some "stuff" you will not be able to do, such as intimate stuff.

But hey! Each to his own.




  
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bubbygator
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Oct 01, 2014 10:32 |  #6838

I've found the best results by simply saying "Yes, Dear"


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JasonMK
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Oct 01, 2014 12:02 |  #6839

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs
because they always take things literally.


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tonylong
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Oct 01, 2014 20:24 |  #6840

JasonMK wrote in post #17176514 (external link)
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

When his lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes.

When the man remained silent for several minutes, the lawyer asked the man what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

OK, I have to admit...


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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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