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Thread started 04 Aug 2011 (Thursday) 23:51
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Married and shooting models

 
Littlejon ­ Dsgn
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Dec 27, 2015 11:50 |  #181

I am lucky and have a wonderful wife who helps me plan and execute all of my shoots (even the nudy ones). However if it was made clear that there was going to be a fight every time I brought it up, well I would work on finding something else to shoot. Or finding a different wife. My first wife would have never let me shoot females clothed or not, but we ended things before photography became an interest of mine. The new wife is simply amazing.




  
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the ­ flying ­ moose
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Dec 27, 2015 16:06 |  #182

NickWell24 wrote in post #17833797 (external link)
Try doing a shoot with her so she understands that it's not about dipping your pen in company ink, but about artistry. Then once she realizes that it's just another creative outlet let her accompany you on a few shoots, it's always best to have a female present on shoots anyways. After a few shoots she'll realize that there's nothing sexual about it. At least this is the way it worked with my girlfriend.

A jealous spouse is the last person that should be on a shoot with another female. All it does is make it look like the photographer cannot be trusted. What happens in the middle of the shoot if the wife doesn't like something she sees and flips out? Then the whole shoot is ruined and I can almost guarantee that model will be talking to others and then next thing you know, you have a negative reputation in the community and will have a hard time finding models.




  
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OhLook
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Dec 27, 2015 18:31 |  #183

Would it help any of you guys if you brought your wives along as assistants and chaperones and you started with models who were rather modestly dressed?


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NickWell24
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Dec 28, 2015 09:16 as a reply to  @ the flying moose's post |  #184

I have not had an issue with this, but my girlfriend is also learning photography as well and plays the role of assistant. It helped though that we discuss things before hand and she knows if she's uncomfortable with anything to bring it up after the shoot and not during. End of the day though you want a partner who trusts you and encourages you to pursue your passion, if she doesn't then find a new partner. You only get one chance at life, you can have multiple chances at relationships.


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Nathan
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Post edited over 3 years ago by Nathan.
     
Jan 06, 2016 09:18 |  #185

Astheros wrote in post #17832483 (external link)
i am going through some serious arguments over this right now. i have been with my lady for 5 years now and will be marrying her in a month.

These lines are very important to hone in on. 5 years, engaged and will be married soon. Now is really not the time to be arguing. Planning for a wedding and the weeks leading up to it can be very stressful. Focus on what's important to you right now. Is it the future that lies ahead as a married couple or your photography?

Frankly, if this type of photography is really that important to you, then you'd really have to reconsider walking down that aisle.

I'm going to bravely venture a guess that it's not important enough to call off the wedding. However, you've also identified underlying issues arising from her father's infidelity during her parents' marriage. Perhaps now is the appropriate time to really venture into that conversation. Put the photography stuff to the side and reassure her about your love and commitment to her.

Marriage is about choices, sacrifice and compromise. There may be some hard choices and sacrifices on your part. Not everything needs to be compromised, but you'll need to reach decisions together.

I say that you should for the time being get across the marriage threshold for now, if that's what it truly most important to you. Cross the other bridge later after having worked through and reassured her about her insecurities and worries about your faithfulness.

I've learned over time that I have my wife's, say, 95% trust. She reserves the other 5% not because she does not believe in me, but rather because she's a realist. That and she watches too many movies and drama tv series where the "good" guy always falters in a moment of weakness. Can I even trust myself 100%? Sure... most of the time, but I catch myself with wandering eyes as I am certain all of us - men and women - have. At any particular moment in time, I have full control over myself; however, how can I be certain of what lies in the future? Believing that I have 100% trust in myself means that I can feel hurt and angered when she might suggest otherwise. That's grounds for my own negative reaction, defensiveness and an argument. I've learned to even put that aside and focus on her needs rather than my own pride.


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Left ­ Handed ­ Brisket
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Post edited over 3 years ago by Left Handed Brisket.
     
Jan 06, 2016 09:32 |  #186

Astheros wrote in post #17832483 (external link)
i am going through some serious arguments over this right now. i have been with my lady for 5 years now and will be marrying her in a month. i have been following some photogs on IG for a while now and the whole 'sexy' look appeals to me. photography has been my hobby for many years now and i am at a point where i want to take it more seriously but wifey think they only reason i want to do 'sexy' shoots is because i am a man with a penis. she says i can do family photos just the same (except i have done paid family work and its soooo boring to me...she literally had to convince me to take the jobs). it felt like a chore. i shoot cars all the time and i love it. never feels boring or old or mundane. the idea of composing a picture and making the 'feminity' and 'sexuality' of a woman shine through appeals to me. but she thinks i just want to do it so i can look at T&A all day.

she has had relationship and father infidelity issues in the past that were very serious.

i have never done a boudoir type shot and just me mentioning it has caused some serious arguments. i dont like being told 'you cant do it' especially when in 5 years i have never given her a reason to not trust me. i just dont think its fair for someones insecurity to determine that you can and cannot do.

anyways. just venting. we argued tonight about this topic.

not sure if 'stick to my guns' so long as i know i am not doing it for the wrong reasons or 'just forget it and shoot something else'

just to illustrate the type that interestes me.

http://martinmurillo.c​om/ (external link) work is some of my favorite. sexy but not too sexual or vulgar.
i also really enjoy http://www.ohrangutang​.com/ (external link) though some of his work is very much just 'T&A' (the whole just body parts i am not really into) but the 'sexy' seductive shots yes.

Just want to jump in and say that whatever you decide, do not expect her to change for the better. Go into your marriage knowing that she could very well become more posessive of you and work harder to alinate you from the things that make you, you.

Yes, it could go the other way and she begin to understand your need to have your own interests, but don't count on it.

You need to have a very serious discussion about the fact that both of you need to be at least a little independent of the other.

Good luck.


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the ­ flying ­ moose
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Jan 06, 2016 12:00 |  #187

Left Handed Brisket wrote in post #17846714 (external link)
Just want to jump in and say that whatever you decide, do not expect her to change for the better. Go into your marriage knowing that she could very well become more posessive of you and work harder to alinate you from the things that make you, you.

Yes, it could go the other way and she begin to understand your need to have your own interests, but don't count on it.

You need to have a very serious discussion about the fact that both of you need to be at least a little independent of the other.

Good luck.

Exactly. Give in once and she knows that's all it takes to get you to stop doing something you love. I get that she has issues from things that are unrelated to you but in the end its not your job to walk round on eggshells trying not to upset her because of things that happened in her past. If its genuinely that much of an issue for her, she should be talking to someone to try and work past it, not taking it out on you and expecting you to give up things that you like/love/enjoy just because she has a problem with them.

As someone who spent nearly 7 years in a relationship like that, I would not wish it on anyone.




  
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Road ­ Dog
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Jan 06, 2016 13:34 |  #188

I'm no longer married but, when I was, my wife understood that this is how I earn my living. It put a roof over our head and it food on our table. It out our daughter through college. It bought us very nice things and allowed us to take wonderful vacations. If some of that money was the result of me shooting nekkid wimmins, so be it...


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Nathan
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Jan 06, 2016 15:00 |  #189

Wow. I don't think I'm so jaded yet.


Taking photos with a fancy camera does not make me a photographer.
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bildeb0rg
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Mar 03, 2016 03:33 |  #190

I get grief shooting women's rugby and the wife plays for team ߘ too many pics of anyone younger/slimmer, especially the opposition and its ww3




  
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kryptic4l
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Jun 25, 2016 07:04 |  #191

found out mines leaving me two weeks ago, is it bad that I am excited that I wont have to feel guilty about wanting to persue this side of things now. hopefully the next one will be the one I want to be on the other end of the lens.




  
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Nathan
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Jun 30, 2016 13:36 |  #192

kryptic4l wrote in post #18049444 (external link)
hopefully the next one will be the one I want to be on the other end of the lens.

Not sure what this means. Are you saying you hope to perhaps marry one of the models you are shooting... or are you saying that hopefully your next significant other will want to pose for you?

Anyway... good luck. I don't blame you for looking forward to pursuing this area in photography. I might do the same, if I were you. Right now, I think I'd somehow still feel guilty about it... but I think it would depend on the circumstances. I do somewhat regret now having pursued it prior to meeting my wife  :p


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willspective
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Jul 01, 2016 11:30 |  #193

Funny I find this thread...my girlfriend of one year has been upset because I recently did a shoot in my bedroom (we both have our own place.) She's never had an issue with me shooting at all, no matter if it is women or glamour or anything really, but she was bothered that I shot in my bedroom as she thinks "that my bed is sacred," and that it's part of "making her feel special for her to be the only woman that lays in my bed."

I am obviously completely against that, as to me the bed is just a prop, a location, a tool -- what matters to me is the person who lays in the bed with me, and that being her, she remains the only woman to lay in that bed that I love. I've tried to see it from her point of view but I can't justify assigning that importance/symbolism to a bed, and I can't say it makes sense to be okay with me shooting a model in a hotel but not be okay with me shooting a model in my bed.

I am in the midst of the argument and it doesn't look like it's going to ease up anytime soon, so... :lol:


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OhLook
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Jul 01, 2016 12:41 |  #194

willspective wrote in post #18055160 (external link)
I am obviously completely against that, as to me the bed is just a prop, a location, a tool -- what matters to me is the person who lays in the bed with me, and that being her, she remains the only woman to lay in that bed that I love. I've tried to see it from her point of view but I can't justify assigning that importance/symbolism to a bed. . . .

Would it help if you assured her that when the model was on the bed, you were not: you were behind the camera?

People attach different meanings to objects, and you may never be able to take your girlfriend's point of view about bed symbolism or make her understand yours. If you ever move in together, you may find conflicts arising because a household object has sentimental value for you or her (e.g., a family heirloom) but the other one doesn't like its looks or its functionality. I think the important thing is to remain respectful when discussing such differences.


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NickWell24
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Jul 01, 2016 12:41 as a reply to  @ willspective's post |  #195

Good luck man, I've had this same argument, didn't end well.


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Married and shooting models
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