Astheros wrote in post #17832483
i am going through some serious arguments over this right now. i have been with my lady for 5 years now and will be marrying her in a month.
These lines are very important to hone in on. 5 years, engaged and will be married soon. Now is really not the time to be arguing. Planning for a wedding and the weeks leading up to it can be very stressful. Focus on what's important to you right now. Is it the future that lies ahead as a married couple or your photography?
Frankly, if this type of photography is really that important to you, then you'd really have to reconsider walking down that aisle.
I'm going to bravely venture a guess that it's not important enough to call off the wedding. However, you've also identified underlying issues arising from her father's infidelity during her parents' marriage. Perhaps now is the appropriate time to really venture into that conversation. Put the photography stuff to the side and reassure her about your love and commitment to her.
Marriage is about choices, sacrifice and compromise. There may be some hard choices and sacrifices on your part. Not everything needs to be compromised, but you'll need to reach decisions together.
I say that you should for the time being get across the marriage threshold for now, if that's what it truly most important to you. Cross the other bridge later after having worked through and reassured her about her insecurities and worries about your faithfulness.
I've learned over time that I have my wife's, say, 95% trust. She reserves the other 5% not because she does not believe in me, but rather because she's a realist. That and she watches too many movies and drama tv series where the "good" guy always falters in a moment of weakness. Can I even trust myself 100%? Sure... most of the time, but I catch myself with wandering eyes as I am certain all of us - men and women - have. At any particular moment in time, I have full control over myself; however, how can I be certain of what lies in the future? Believing that I have 100% trust in myself means that I can feel hurt and angered when she might suggest otherwise. That's grounds for my own negative reaction, defensiveness and an argument. I've learned to even put that aside and focus on her needs rather than my own pride.