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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
joeseph
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Feb 15, 2016 02:22 |  #7186

Irony is the opposite of wrinkly...


some fairly old canon camera stuff, canon lenses, Manfrotto "thingy", 1D MK II converted for IR, and now an M5
TF posting: here :-)

  
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CameraMan
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Feb 15, 2016 09:02 |  #7187

A husband and wife were grocery shopping. He picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They continue shopping. Later on, she puts a $20 jar of face cream in the basket. "What are you doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. He said, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."
That's him in Aisle 5!


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Shampoo sounds like an unfortunate name for a hair product.
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear Nothing!

  
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JSolie
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Feb 15, 2016 17:36 |  #7188

Three men were fishing in the Gulf of Mexico when one of them pulled in a huge fish. But as soon as it was in the boat, the fish shook the hook out of its mouth and changed into an angry, bearded man wearing a crown and brandishing a three-pronged spear.

"Who are you, sir?" quavered one of the fishermen.

"I am Neptune, god of the sea, and I am going to put a curse on you! Before you get home, your boat will spring a dozen leaks -- nay, make that a dozen and a half, for good measure!"

With a nasty laugh, Neptune dived over the side and disappeared. The fishermen's boat got so many holes they had to swim ashore, and from that day to this, they have never forgotten Neptune's eighteen hole gulf curse.


-- John
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john ­ crossley
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Feb 17, 2016 10:41 |  #7189

David Cameron was visiting patients in a brand new hospital. He'd been shown into a ward and began chatting to a patient who replied:
"Fair fa your honest soncie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin race,
Aboon them a' you take your place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As lang's my airm"

Confused, Cameron grinned and moved to the next patient and said hello.
The patient replied:
"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some was eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit"

Even more confused, he moved to the next patient and before he could say hello the patient chanted:
Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!

Seriously concerned about his safety Cameron hastened away and then turned to the ward sister and asked; "What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?"
She replied "No Prime Minister, it’s the Burns unit"


Some days I'm the dog, some days I'm the lamppost.

  
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GibJock
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Feb 17, 2016 11:29 as a reply to  @ john crossley's post |  #7190

The old ones are the best! Och aye the noo! :p


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PhotosGuy
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Feb 17, 2016 11:33 |  #7191

john crossley wrote in post #17901916 (external link)
... it’s the Burns unit"

Looooong road to travel for that one!


FrankC - 20D, RAW, Manual everything...
Classic Carz, Racing, Air Show, Flowers.
Find the light... A few Car Lighting Tips, and MOVE YOUR FEET!
Have you thought about making your own book? // Need an exposure crutch?
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scriveyn
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Feb 17, 2016 11:51 |  #7192

I can't better that. But if you can't memorize it, try the short version:

1st patient: Waaaaaah!
2nd patient: Waaaaaaaaah!
3rd patient: Waaaaaaaaaaah!

It's the bairns unit

:rolleyes:


Frank, also known as jazzman
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Image Editing OK (for reposting in the same thread)

I Jazz

  
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john ­ crossley
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Feb 18, 2016 06:17 |  #7193

Paddy and Murphy were looking through a catalogue
Paddy says to Murphy, “By Jesus there’s some good looking women in this catalogue, and they’re reasonably priced too, I t’ink I’ll buy me self one.”
A couple of weeks later Murphy asked Paddy, “Did your woman arrive yet.”
Paddy says, “No, it shouldn’t be long now though, all her clothes arrived yesterday.”


Some days I'm the dog, some days I'm the lamppost.

  
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GibJock
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Feb 18, 2016 07:31 |  #7194

john crossley wrote in post #17903011 (external link)
Paddy and Murphy were looking through a catalogue
Paddy says to Murphy, “By Jesus there’s some good looking women in this catalogue, and they’re reasonably priced too, I t’ink I’ll buy me self one.”
A couple of weeks later Murphy asked Paddy, “Did your woman arrive yet.”
Paddy says, “No, it shouldn’t be long now though, all her clothes arrived yesterday.”

:lol::-D:mrgreen:


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Reservoir ­ Dog
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Feb 18, 2016 20:55 |  #7195

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today.
A doctor on a TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives, we should always finish things that we start.

Since we all could use more calm in our lives, i looked around my house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished.
So i finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bod,tle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, and a box of choclutz.
Yu has no idr how fablus i feel rite now.
Sned dis to all ur frenz who need inner piss and telum u luvum


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john ­ crossley
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Feb 21, 2016 15:37 |  #7196

In t’ dales a big puddle ‘ad formed outside o’ local pub.
T’awd Tyke sat beside it wi’ a twig in his ‘and and a bit o’ string dangling from it into t’ wat’r.
“What are you doing,” said the tourist.
“Fishin’,” said t’awd Tyke.
“Poor old sod” thought the tourist. “Come inside and let me buy you a drink.”
In the pub the tourist asked Tyke, “Have you caught many today.”
“Aye, tha’s t’ eighth t’day.”


Some days I'm the dog, some days I'm the lamppost.

  
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WorkingClassHero
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Feb 25, 2016 04:50 |  #7197

The only cow in a small Iowa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow, for $200, just across the state line in Wisconsin. They bought a cow and found it produced lots of milk, and they were very happy.

It was then decided to acquire a bull to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow it would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the vet what to do.

They told him what was happening, "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, if he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he approaches from the side she walks away to the other side."

The vet thought about this for a moment and asked, "Did you, by any chance, buy this cow in Wisconsin?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "That's amazing," they said, "how did you know we bought the cow in Wisconsin?"

The vet replied, "My wife's from Wisconsin."


ALAN
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Reservoir ­ Dog
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Post edited over 2 years ago by Reservoir Dog. (3 edits in all)
     
Feb 28, 2016 04:03 |  #7198

A good tips and it works!
Since i'm getting old, i have a tendency to forget my passwords, so i changed all my passwords to "incorrect".

So whenever i forget.. it tell me "Your password is incorrect".


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blksporty
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Feb 28, 2016 19:37 |  #7199

Two Lions got out of their cage at the circus and saw a clown walking toward them. They both pounced on him and ate him, after they were finished eating him, one said to the other….did he taste funny to you


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JSolie
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Feb 29, 2016 12:17 |  #7200

A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.


-- John
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)
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