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Thread started 04 Aug 2011 (Thursday) 23:51
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Married and shooting models

 
willspective
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Jul 01, 2016 13:55 |  #196

OhLook wrote in post #18055193 (external link)
Would it help if you assured her that when the model was on the bed, you were not: you were behind the camera?

People attach different meanings to objects, and you may never be able to take your girlfriend's point of view about bed symbolism or make her understand yours. If you ever move in together, you may find conflicts arising because a household object has sentimental value for you or her (e.g., a family heirloom) but the other one doesn't like its looks or its functionality. I think the important thing is to remain respectful when discussing such differences.

I tried to explain that! I even went in detail regarding how many different things a photographer is considering while he/she is taking even a single photograph. Like you said, it is a symbolic thing for her and I feel like there will be little budging. I can see what you mean about once we move in together -- I respect her wishes and I told her I wouldn't actively seek to do Photoshoots at my own apartment (by virtue, I treat it as a last option in terms of location) but that I wouldn't not-do-it if it came to that. Some sort of compromise, anyway..


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Nathan
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Jul 01, 2016 14:21 |  #197

Try to understand that it's related to this notion of privacy and intimacy. The bed is a private thing. When you open it up to someone else, it means that you have shared something personal of yourself. It's like her slipping on your favorite sweatshirt. It's something she feels comfortable in and makes her feel closer to you. You've opened it to someone else. Guys may not attach sentimentality to a lot of things. But don't trivialize her emotional attachment by rationalizing it. As tempted as we are to be guided by fact and reason, emotion is just as real if not more so.

As we grow older, we can sometimes forget the attachment we have for things. Some of us are more connected than others. We've forgotten the protection of our favorite blankie or the maybe even that safe place we hid ourselves where we thought no one could find us except our best friend you shared that location with.

As adults, the bedroom is very private. Even U.S. courts recognize that. It is our safe place, where we sleep, have sex, share our deepest feelings with our significant other. It is where we can go to escape from all the rigor of our lives, but you brought your work into the bedroom. Not only did you invite in a stranger... another woman... but you took away something your girlfriend thought was privately yours to share.


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willspective
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Jul 01, 2016 16:10 |  #198

Nathan wrote in post #18055267 (external link)
As adults, the bedroom is very private. Even U.S. courts recognize that. It is our safe place, where we sleep, have sex, share our deepest feelings with our significant other. It is where we can go to escape from all the rigor of our lives, but you brought your work into the bedroom. Not only did you invite in a stranger... another woman... but you took away something your girlfriend thought was privately yours to share.

While your post is very heartfelt and beautifully written, I respectfully disagree. You say it all when you say "privately yours," and I shared it with many a women (not to sound pompous) before my current girlfriend came into my life. I think that while, yes, the bedroom is a private/sacred place, using it for the sake of photography which is a hobby I love (I live on a 41st floor and have a balcony in my bedroom that faces west, overlooking a river and several smaller buildings aka it's a lovely sunset that makes for amazing natural light) is not taboo. Airbnb kind of exposes how our home is no longer as private a place as it used to be.

I respect the way she views the bedroom and the bed specifically but like I said, I just don't assign that sort of emotional attachment to inanimate objects. A night in my bed, an air mattress, a tent or a sleeping bag with the woman I love is equally as special to me.


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mannetti21
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Jul 02, 2016 13:41 |  #199

I've done two small shoots which were to be partial nudity, one of which turned into a request for full nudity. My wife wasn't exactly thrilled, but she wasn't upset either. Personally, I don't think it has anything to do with trust. If the tables were turned, I would feel the same way. I don't think its worry of having some sort of sexual contact with the model, but rather the idea of your spouse posing and quite literally staring at a naked member of the opposite sex.

And let's face it, the majority of models (male or female) posing full nude are beautiful and in unbelievable physical shape. I think it's easy and quite natural for the "average" person to feel some degree of jealousy without it necessarily resulting in distrust or anger.



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CHillyDoggy
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Jul 19, 2016 10:15 |  #200

I'm new to this issue... and not married but I have, in the last 10 months, been been in a relationship with one of my models. When this first started, I continued shooting and figured this was perfect, she'd be the ONE person who'd understand that I'm just making images with them & am very professional, since she, herself, had experienced that first hand. She practically had to smack me in the face to get me to realize she was interested in me, ha ha, so it wasn't me making a move on her in the first place.

Anyhow, my shooting slowed down as we were spending all our time together on weekends, as I have a day job through the week and mostly shoot on weekends. Lately though, I've done a shoot or two, and realized that she's... kinda bothered by it. She doesn't imply that she doesn't want me to do the shoots, just makes her feel insecure and worry that all these models are gonna want me, ha ha. She even says she just needs to work through her insecurity. Suddenly, she see's things like I always feared any girl I dated who wasn't into modeling would... after all, these shoots all just turn into big orgies, right? ;)

Kinda torn... I wanna shoot, but don't wanna hurt her either.


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Littlejon ­ Dsgn
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Jul 19, 2016 21:30 |  #201

Tigron wrote in post #18071604 (external link)
with her being a model..! bring her to your shoots..make her your best assistant ever!.. a stylist..! bring her on your side of the image..

Great idea, my wife is my second shooter / assistant at all my shoots. It helps the models feel more comfortable faster and I get another set of eyes watching for hair and wardrobe issues.




  
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Nathan
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Jul 20, 2016 09:25 |  #202

willspective wrote in post #18055344 (external link)
I respect the way she views the bedroom and the bed specifically but like I said, I just don't assign that sort of emotional attachment to inanimate objects. A night in my bed, an air mattress, a tent or a sleeping bag with the woman I love is equally as special to me.

The home, the bed, mattress or sleeping bag... think about these abstractly, not literally. I think that's where the disconnect is.


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CHillyDoggy
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Jul 20, 2016 13:44 as a reply to  @ post 18071604 |  #203

Good idea. I think we are moving towards her moving in with me soon so that will be easier too, ha ha.


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willspective
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Jul 20, 2016 15:01 |  #204

CHillyDoggy wrote in post #18071437 (external link)
I'm new to this issue... and not married but I have, in the last 10 months, been been in a relationship with one of my models. When this first started, I continued shooting and figured this was perfect, she'd be the ONE person who'd understand that I'm just making images with them & am very professional, since she, herself, had experienced that first hand. She practically had to smack me in the face to get me to realize she was interested in me, ha ha, so it wasn't me making a move on her in the first place.

Anyhow, my shooting slowed down as we were spending all our time together on weekends, as I have a day job through the week and mostly shoot on weekends. Lately though, I've done a shoot or two, and realized that she's... kinda bothered by it. She doesn't imply that she doesn't want me to do the shoots, just makes her feel insecure and worry that all these models are gonna want me, ha ha. She even says she just needs to work through her insecurity. Suddenly, she see's things like I always feared any girl I dated who wasn't into modeling would... after all, these shoots all just turn into big orgies, right? ;)

Kinda torn... I wanna shoot, but don't wanna hurt her either.

This is an interesting predicament. I second the idea of having her as an assistant at your shoot -- her being a model (and having the experience of one) will ultimately be very helpful in your shoots anyway.

Nathan wrote in post #18072453 (external link)
The home, the bed, mattress or sleeping bag... think about these abstractly, not literally. I think that's where the disconnect is.

I tried, and I did -- but I guess I lack the emotional aspect that's involved in that. Oh well -- I did a shoot with her in my same bed so she could sort of understand that those things just become part of the art for me. I'm not sure if it'll harm me or help me, and I haven't followed up yet, but I'll be sure to update you guys when I cross that bridge :lol:


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Nathan
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Jul 20, 2016 15:24 |  #205

willspective wrote in post #18072723 (external link)
This is an interesting predicament. I second the idea of having her as an assistant at your shoot -- her being a model (and having the experience of one) will ultimately be very helpful in your shoots anyway.

And you double the odds that the model falls for either you or your gf... then things could get really interesting... artistically, of course.


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willspective
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Jul 21, 2016 11:34 |  #206

Nathan wrote in post #18072754 (external link)
And you double the odds that the model falls for either you or your gf... then things could get really interesting... artistically, of course.

Legitimately laughed out loud at this. The thought of the model falling for his gf and him ending up single and without any subjects to shoot just kills me. :cry:


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KFrost1
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Sep 22, 2016 08:33 |  #207

I think its all about reassurance and understanding with these shoots. Most women have enough maturity to understand that this is work, and if she feels insecure, try to understand where those feelings of insecurity come from. That being said though, I wouldn't give up shooting a style I am passionate about because my SO didnt like it. If I am going into the shoot with good and professional intentions I see no reason to.




  
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Left ­ Handed ­ Brisket
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Sep 26, 2016 19:30 |  #208

KFrost1 wrote in post #18136511 (external link)
I think its all about reassurance and understanding with these shoots. Most women have enough maturity to understand that this is work, and if she feels insecure, try to understand where those feelings of insecurity come from. That being said though, I wouldn't give up shooting a style I am passionate about because my SO didnt like it. If I am going into the shoot with good and professional intentions I see no reason to.

You're female aren't you?


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AZGeorge
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Sep 29, 2016 15:19 |  #209

Left Handed Brisket wrote in post #18141360 (external link)
You're female aren't you?

And the point of this question?


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willspective
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Oct 12, 2016 10:37 |  #210

AZGeorge wrote in post #18143871 (external link)
And the point of this question?

I'd assume it is a reference to the level of rationality in the initial response, but I'm not sure.. *kermit sipping tea*:mrgreen:


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