Requesting better Ignore list

Levina de Ruijter wrote in post #18313460
I strongly disagree with both of you. When I'm at a party and I see a guy who I dislike (because he's a bore who's favourite subject is himself and his pencil pushing heroics), then I will try to avoid him and talk to people that I find interesting instead. At work, during my lunch break, I will sit with people I like and I will avoid those that I do not like. This is not the same as having a conversation and disagreeing with one another. That's different. I can disagree strongly with somebody but love the actual discussion.

But why would I waste my precious time with people that I dislike? People in whose opinion I am not the least bit interested? Who I think of as total bores? Are you seriously telling me that you are very different and will instead "engage" with people you don't like, "just as we do with those that we do really like"? Meaning that if you are at that party you would, on purpose, go over and talk to that person you dislike? Spend an hour of your life engaging in a conversation that you are not one bit interested in?

Well ... we don't and we shouldn't waste too much precious time on people who don't have much of interest to say or to show. But we also should keep our eyes and ears open to stuff we don't really want to hear or to see. Protecting ourselves in 'safe spaces' where we never get to hear anything that offends us or disrupts our own 'world view' is ultimately dangerous to our own survival ... and makes life boring.

There is pretty much nothing I would hate more than to live in a world where everyone was like me.

That's good ... I'm agreeing with everyone and disagreeing with everyone all at the same time. Some kind of balance.

Thanks for the comments.

Earlier there were requests for a "peek" of ignored posts, so the next version has that. But you can not peek if you do not see nothing of the post at all, so complete removal would be illogical there.

Some questions arise about complete removal of ignored member:

1. If removed posts are missing in a thread, how do you know it is because of the ignore command if there is no placeholder? This problem will apply to all content: galleries, RTAT, lists, likes, ratings... You may end up by wondering why a certain list is so short.

2. if quotes by ignored member are removed, then replies quoting them are no longer are in context. If you jump in there, others will be more confused. Also, quote removal is only possible if the quote is referred to the member, plain quotes can not be traced.

3. If a member is ignored and starts a thread, should the whole thread be hidden completely and potentially make you lose great posts/images?

What I would prefer is to have a "mask" for all content by the ignored member. In other words, you would see there is something there - but it would be fully covered by some kind of "ignored" label. That way you'll see what the ignore does and to what extent.

Levina de Ruijter wrote in post #18313460
I strongly disagree with both of you. When I'm at a party and I see a guy who I dislike (because he's a bore who's favourite subject is himself and his pencil pushing heroics), then I will try to avoid him and talk to people that I find interesting instead. At work, during my lunch break, I will sit with people I like and I will avoid those that I do not like. This is not the same as having a conversation and disagreeing with one another. That's different. I can disagree strongly with somebody but love the actual discussion.

But why would I waste my precious time with people that I dislike? People in whose opinion I am not the least bit interested? Who I think of as total bores? Are you seriously telling me that you are very different and will instead "engage" with people you don't like, "just as we do with those that we do really like"? Meaning that if you are at that party you would, on purpose, go over and talk to that person you dislike? Spend an hour of your life engaging in a conversation that you are not one bit interested in?

I guess I don't understand how one can dislike a person that they don't even know.

We don't know each other here. We have not one clue as to what each of us is like. We have only what we write here to go on which is close to zero.

This conversation has spilled over into discussing real world scenarios to which it actually has no ties. All of us sitting around and having this discussion would be very different as our personalities, body language, expressions can be seen. That is all non existent here.

I'm not changing anyone's mind. Ignore, don't ignore......build a wall...........whatever floats your boat.

Its a damn shame that all of us couldn't meet sometime. That would be a gas.

saea501 wrote in post #18313483
I guess I don't understand how one can dislike a person that they don't even know.

We don't know each other here. We have not one clue as to what each of us is like. We have only what we write here to go on which is close to zero.

This conversation has spilled over into discussing real world scenarios to which it actually has no ties. All of us sitting around and having this discussion would be very different as our personalities, body language, expressions can be seen. That is all non existent here.

I'm not changing anyone's mind. Ignore, don't ignore......build a wall...........whatever floats your boat.

Its a damn shame that all of couldn't meet sometime. That would be a gas.

It would be an experience that entailed some unexpected surprises, that's for sure!

Pekka, I like the idea of a "mask". Would the mask be nondescript or anonymous? I would like that a lot. The peek tool you speak of would then give more info if info was wanted. I only have one person on my ignore list so I'd know without having to peek.

I have no problem with quotes because quotes are kind of "buried" in a comment. They don't stick out, say.

One thing I would really like disabled is notifications for an ignored member. I mean, getting notifications for an ignored member is rather odd, I think.

saea501 wrote in post #18313483
I guess I don't understand how one can dislike a person that they don't even know.

We don't know each other here. We have not one clue as to what each of us is like. We have only what we write here to go on which is close to zero.

This conversation has spilled over into discussing real world scenarios to which it actually has no ties. All of us sitting around and having this discussion would be very different as our personalities, body language, expressions can be seen. That is all non existent here.

Again, I have to disagree. Even though we only communicate though words on a screen, they tell us a lot about a person. Enough to like or dislike somebody. It is true that body language and expressions are absent, but instead we have somebody's style of writing and the tone of his writings that tell us something about a person. Even his spelling and punctuation give us information. Also how somebody conducts himself on the board, if they are courteous and well-mannered or if they are pushy or engage in pissing contests. All of it together gives us a fair idea of what a person is like. In this respect a forum such as this one very much resembles the real world, with the same likes and dislikes, often based on not more than a feeling, just like in the real world.

Levina de Ruijter wrote in post #18313494
Pekka, I like the idea of a "mask". Would the mask be nondescript or anonymous? I would like that a lot. The peek tool you speak of would then give more info if info was wanted. I only have one person on my ignore list so I'd know without having to peek.

I have no problem with quotes because quotes are kind of "buried" in a comment. They don't stick out, say.

One thing I would really like disabled is notifications for an ignored member. I mean, getting notifications for an ignored member is rather odd, I think.

Personally, I wear masks...............bu​t I'm not saying why...........

Levina de Ruijter wrote in post #18313460
But why would I waste my precious time with people that I dislike? People in whose opinion I am not the least bit interested? Who I think of as total bores?

The people who you dislike, and find offensive - it is quite likely that almost everybody else feels the same way about them. So these are the people who most need someone to reach out to them and listen to their crap. The happy, fun people usually have a lot of people who spend time talking with them, because they are enjoyable to talk to. They are not the ones who are most in need of your time and listening ability.

Levina de Ruijter wrote in post #18313460
Are you seriously telling me that you are very different and will instead "engage" with people you don't like, "just as we do with those that we do really like"? Meaning that if you are at that party you would, on purpose, go over and talk to that person you dislike? Spend an hour of your life engaging in a conversation that you are not one bit interested in?

I try to be different in this area, but I am afraid that I am not as different as I should be.

When I was growing up, I was taught that when I am in a gathering of people, I should look for the person who might feel left out, who has no one to talk to (or only ne'er do wells to talk to). I was told that those are the people I should go sit with and engage in conversation with. And that I should steer the conversation toward them, not me. Find out what things interest them the most, and then try to talk about those things, even if I don't care about those things.

I do really try to do as I was taught, but confess that there are a lot of times when I don't, and selfishly seek out those who I most enjoy. I do need to improve in this area, especially in my online activities, where it is all too easy to ignore 'mean' or 'boring' people, because they are not physically present.

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Tom Reichner wrote in post #18313506
The people who you dislike, and find offensive - it is quite likely that almost everybody else feels the same way about them. So these are the people who most need someone to reach out to them and listen to their crap. The happy, fun people usually have a lot of people who spend time talking with them, because they are enjoyable to talk to. They are not the ones who are most in need of your time and listening ability.

I try to be different in this area, but I am afraid that I am not as different as I should be.

When I was growing up, I was taught that when I am in a gathering of people, I should look for the person who might feel left out, who has no one to talk to (or only ne'er do wells to talk to). I was told that those are the people I should go sit with and engage in conversation with. And that I should steer the conversation toward them, not me. Find out what things interest them the most, and then try to talk about those things, even if I don't care about those things.

I do really try to do as I was taught, but confess that there are a lot of times when I don't, and selfishly seek out those who I most enjoy. I do need to improve in this area, especially in my online activities, where it is all too easy to ignore 'mean' or 'boring' people, because they are not physically present.

.

Ah, but looking out for the person who might feel left out, is something very different, Tom. That is something we should all do, I believe. But that is different from avoiding a person you don't like. The person you dislike could very well be popular with others. I've known a few of those. I've not known people who were disliked by everybody. At least, I don't remember. As to having conversations with others, whether you like them or not, it shouldn't all be about yourself. I believe listening is most important of all.

saea501 wrote in post #18313467
[I had written: "In some cases a person might not even want to be reminded that the ignoree still lives."]That is a very real problem. Seek professional help.

I didn't say that this was my situation. It can happen in real life. Some people are scary, and it's possible to feel relieved if one knew that Person X would never again be able to do harm.

Tom Reichner wrote in post #18313506
The people who you dislike, and find offensive - it is quite likely that almost everybody else feels the same way about them. So these are the people who most need someone to reach out to them and listen to their crap. . . .

When I was growing up, I was taught that when I am in a gathering of people, I should look for the person who might feel left out, who has no one to talk to (or only ne'er do wells to talk to). I was told that those are the people I should go sit with and engage in conversation with.

Kindnesses to people who are unfortunate or just new to a group, I agree with. But I won't make a charity project of befriending someone who's hostile. Why punish myself and reward the hostile one? How will the mean guy ever be motivated to become nice, assuming it's in his power, if people don't shun him? And is it in my interest to get involved with a mean guy? I don't think so.

On a moderated forum, mean guys eventually get kicked out. That's as it should be.

A use for the ignore list that might not be obvious to most,..

Sometimes on a forum, two members will develop a disagreement. Sometimes this disagreement becomes a recurring detriment to the forum as a whole.

If these members are otherwise good contributing members, we are faced with a dilemma,.

On the one hand, we don't want to simply ban people for disliking each other and bickering,

On the other hand, these disagreements can become so enduring and intense that the fight spills over all over the forum. Literally any thread they cross paths can become ruined by the arguing.

When all else fails, when we do not want to ban members, we like to have the option to put them on a mutual ignore list. The fighting stops, and threads go back to be more useful and pleasant.

I have had people become very abusive and follow me from thread to thread.
I only have 2 people on my ignore list, but I really do want to ignore them.


I didn't mean to reignite the thread and ignore it, but I did miss all of these posts...
I'll be back to read in the morning and see where it has gone...

I love the info "You have filtered x forums from view" in the NewPost page. It reminds me that I am not seeing everything but without cluttering the page with 'placeholders'. It makes my life easier and the forum more suited to me. Why should that not be possible with ignored posts?
I am with Levina - ignore should make posts disappear. Why else do I want to use the ignore function? If I simply don't want to read somebodies post then I don't - but the ignore is a completely different level. And be assure, I have plenty of annoying people around me in real life that I have to deal with. No need to train my social abilities in the virtual world.

So... I've read and thought and considered the comments that have been made here.

My experience is..
I have put 4 people on my ignore list since 2005.
I'm not easily provoked and I have spent some time "talking" people down
or calming them down when things don't go perfectly in the threads I'm active in.
In the 4 ignore cases, I was personally attacked and then stalked into other threads.
All 4 of those people were eventually Banned! But before they were Banned, even though
they were ignored, I kept getting notifications when they posted in a thread I wanted to follow.
Seeing their posts made me remember the nasty comments and I would often just sign off POTN.
Maybe I am a bit of a wuss, but that is how I felt.

There are trolls out there on the inter-webs and their "job" is to make people feel badly about themselves.
You don't find many of those people here on POTN, but when they do spend time here, and I've seen their
posts, and perhaps been a recipient of their vitriol, I what to block them out of my happy place.
I don't feel a need to draw them out, be nice to them or listen to their anger rantings.
I want to block them until they are Banned!

So .. my $.02

Tom Reichner wrote in post #18312415
So far, it looks like I am the lone dissenter. I once thought that someone may have been ignoring me, and there were some posts I had written that I really wanted them to see. It ends up that they weren't ignoring me after all . . . . . but that situation helped me to see things from the perspective of an ignored person.

It's so hard to keep up with all of the people who have left POTN and no longer post here - so very time consuming and difficult to get in touch with them all. It is even more frustrating to have someone that is still very active here and not be able to communicate with them.

To shut someone out seems to be an extremely harsh and brutal thing to do. It is the ultimate rejection, and rejection really, really hurts. In fact, I think that rejection causes more hurt and pain than any other thing that humans do to one another.

In "real life" we often have to accept other people that we find annoying, or argumentative, or even confrontational. We are often in family or work situations with such people and have no choice in the matter. But when we have to accept their presence and deal with them, we find within ourselves the ability to do so. Most often we grow as a result of dealing with the annoyance or the conflict, and in the end we are better people for it. I don't think that forum involvement should be much different from real life. Ignoring someone seems to short-circuit that process of patience and tolerance.

I have never ignored someone here, or anywhere else. And I can't imagine that I ever would. In fact, I don't even think that there should be an "ignore" list here, or on any other forum. But I realize that this opinion is not widely held. I think that we should all try to get along, and then keep trying and keep trying, even when it doesn't work. It builds character, and we should always seek to build character, even when we are just looking for a little bit of forum fun.

Very well said Tom - thoughtful and sensitive words. Thanks for summing up many of my own sentiments.