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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
Pippan
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Nov 08, 2017 04:38 |  #7561

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18491591 (external link)
Still more cutting and pasting from a "Tree joke website" (from a children's site)?

I think you mean cutting and felling don't you Roy?


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john ­ crossley
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Nov 09, 2017 02:44 |  #7562

What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?
Tulips.


Some days I'm the dog, some days I'm the lamppost.

  
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Pippan
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Nov 09, 2017 03:35 |  #7563

john crossley wrote in post #18492417 (external link)
What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?
Tulips.

I wouldn't have called tulips trees, though there are African Tulip Trees.


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RhodyPhotos
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Nov 09, 2017 04:07 |  #7564

john crossley wrote in post #18492417 (external link)
What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?
Tulips.

Sure it wasn't the Ash tree? ;-)a


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john ­ crossley
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Nov 10, 2017 02:40 |  #7565

What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?
Poultree.


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Roy ­ Mathers
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Nov 10, 2017 04:11 |  #7566

Please tell me that you're near the end of the Children's Tree Joke comic, John!




  
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Pippan
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Nov 10, 2017 04:22 |  #7567

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18493200 (external link)
Please tell me that you're near the end of the Children's Tree Joke comic, John!

Send in the infant-tree!


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CameraMan
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Nov 10, 2017 06:49 |  #7568

The immature high school joke book includes jokes like...

Why did the squirrel cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
-?


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icopus
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Nov 10, 2017 09:10 |  #7569

What's orange and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts.

Hey, kids really like it!


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Roy ­ Mathers
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Nov 10, 2017 10:20 |  #7570

But we're not kids!




  
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icopus
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Nov 10, 2017 10:41 |  #7571

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18493362 (external link)
But we're not kids!

But not childless.


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AZGeorge
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Nov 10, 2017 10:47 |  #7572

Pippan wrote in post #18493206 (external link)
Send in the infant-tree!

Giving this great quip a Like just didn't seem adequate.


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Roy ­ Mathers
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Nov 10, 2017 11:08 |  #7573

icopus wrote in post #18493375 (external link)
But not childless.

It would be interesting to know how many children read this thread/forum. In any case, any self-respecting child would be horrified by the quality of some of these jokes




  
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icopus
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Nov 10, 2017 11:51 |  #7574

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18493388 (external link)
It would be interesting to know how many children read this thread/forum. In any case, any self-respecting child would be horrified by the quality of some of these jokes

Parents can repeat these to their children. Even if they groan, it's fun. Even more so when the wife groans. I mean sometimes, any groan from from a wife will do. :cry:


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Nov 10, 2017 16:16 |  #7575

Lets try and raise the level

In order to understand this tale a little knowledge of British Currency before decimalization is required.
The £ Pound was divided into 240 pennies
A small silver coin valued at six pennies existed; this was a sixpence and was colloquially known as a “Tanner”
The next coin was worth 12 pennies; this was a shilling and was colloquially known as a “Bob”
So a pint of beer which cost One shilling, and eight pence (sixpence and two pennies)
Would have been one and eight

Now to our saga, Jack was a strapping virile lad of 27 married to Linda who was equally passionate.
Unfortunately Jack has suffered an accident at work which resulted in a mild concussion and while he had fully recovered he had lost all sexual co-ordination, in short he had lost his rhythm and did not know what to do, as expected this was causing marital problems.

So Jack goes off to the Doctor and explains the problem, the Doc thinks for a minute ,and says I will refer you to a sex therapist he should be able to sort you out.

Jack goes to his first appointment after explaining his problem the therapist gives him a course of treatment.

Week 1
Stand in front of a mirror, put a penny on your right shoulder and move the shoulder back and forth-do this for a week.

Week 2 as week 1 but put penny on left shoulder

Week 3
Put a penny on each shoulder and move shoulders back and forth alternately.

Then come back and see me

Jack returns and demonstrates the movements.

Excellent says the Therapist, continue with the following exercises

Week 4
Now get a sixpence and wedge this between the cheeks of your backside and thrust your backside back and forward.

Week 5

Get an erection and put a shilling on the end of your erection and thrust back and forward
Do this every day for a week and then come back

Week 6
Jack returns, the Therapist says right, now we will bring all the movements together and while you are doing this repeat mentally
Penny
Penny
Sixpence
Shilling
So you retain co-ordination

Or if it’s easier
Penny, Penny, Tanner, Bob

Jack does as requested

The therapist studies these movements and says excellent you are now cured so go home and make Linda a happy lady

That night in bed, they decide to put this in effect with both of them saying

Penny, Penny, Tanner, Bob, -Penny, Penny, Tanner ,Bob, -Penny, Penny, Tanner, Bob

This goes on for a few minutes then “Oh F**k it” –One and Eight, one and Eight.


Chris
" Age and treachery will always defeat youth and enthusiasm"

  
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)
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