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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
AZGeorge
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Feb 18, 2018 22:21 |  #7681

There are several men in the locker room of the club after finishing 18 holes.Suddenly a cell phone rang. A man picked it up and had this conversation:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It's me."

"Sugar!"

"Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall and I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500"

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2018 at a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $160,000..."

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great, before we hang up, something else..."

"What Dear?"

"I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, tennis court, acre of park area, beach front property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $10,450,000... a magnificent price"

"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but try to get them down to $10,400.

"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye... I love you too..."

The man hung up and, phone in hand, asked:

"Does anyone know who owns this phone?"


George
Democracy Dies in Darkness

  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Feb 19, 2018 07:21 |  #7682

I changed the voice in my GPS from a womans voice to a mans voice. Now it says stuff like "I know it's around here somewhere" and "Just keep driving down this road a little further."




  
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icopus
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Feb 19, 2018 19:24 |  #7683

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18567291 (external link)
I changed the voice in my GPS from a womans voice to a mans voice. Now it says stuff like "I know it's around here somewhere" and "Just keep driving down this road a little further."

... and, "Of course, I know where we're at."


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Feb 20, 2018 14:26 |  #7684

We bought a little motion activated dealie this morning that said "oink" every time we opened the refrigerator door.

Now we're eating pork chops. Wrapped in bacon.




  
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GibJock
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Feb 20, 2018 14:28 |  #7685

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18566947 (external link)
We bought a little motion activated dealie that said "oink" every time we opened the refrigerator door.

Now we're eating pork chops. Wrapped in bacon.

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18568405 (external link)
We bought a little motion activated dealie this morning that said "oink" every time we opened the refrigerator door.

Now we're eating pork chops. Wrapped in bacon.

So funny you decided to post it twice?  :p


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Hoof ­ Arted
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Feb 20, 2018 15:28 as a reply to  @ GibJock's post |  #7686

Too ignorant to notice. Sorry.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Feb 20, 2018 15:31 |  #7687

I was on the treadmill yesterday and worked my way up to MAXIMUM SPEED. I was able to stay on it for fifteen minutes. When I finally shut it down the wheels on my roller skates were too hot to touch.




  
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icopus
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Feb 20, 2018 19:34 |  #7688

GibJock wrote in post #18568408 (external link)
So funny you decided to post it twice?  :p

<-- Memory impaired so it worked out well and is why I 'liked' both of them.


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
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Pippan
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Feb 28, 2018 06:03 |  #7689

Do people really have to add "alive" to "sexiest woman/man" or am I seriously underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?


— Please feel free to offer your thoughts on how I might improve my images —

  
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OhLook
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Feb 28, 2018 10:35 |  #7690

Pippan wrote in post #18574278 (external link)
Do people really have to add "alive" to "sexiest woman/man" or am I seriously underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?

I know that's a jokey question, but here's a serious answer. "Alive" has the same function after "sexiest . . ." as "in the world" after "necrophiliacs" in your question. Try the "sexiest" sentence with nothing there and see. "The sexiest woman on earth" sounds all right, or "the sexiest woman ever" or "the sexiest woman I've seen." Even "the all-time sexiest woman" would do. But the English-speaking mind wants something added to complete the phrase.


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.), shoo-in | IMAGE EDITING OK

  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Mar 02, 2018 06:56 |  #7691

My buddy reminded me of him getting kicked out of a bar when he lived in Missouri in 1973 and he didn't try going back to it for 35 years but he finally made the trip back and went to the bar and as soon as he walked in someone yelled "Get the hell out of here Dennis" and that's probably the best story I've ever heard.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Mar 06, 2018 07:36 |  #7692

I'm trying hard but have failed to explain to our cat that I cannot make the outside less cold and I cannot make winter go away. She keeps asking to go outside so she can prowl, pounce and play but as soon as I open the door she looks out and then gives me a look that says something like "No, not THAT door. The one that opens to summertime, warm weather, crickets and fun. Try it one more time, human. I know you can do it. I've seen you open it before."

I'm failing my cat.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Mar 06, 2018 07:37 |  #7693

Went out over the weekend and an attractive young girl came over to my table and asked if I'd like a drink. I was feeling really good about my old self.

Then she took out a notepad and asked if I'd like something to eat as well.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Mar 07, 2018 16:14 |  #7694

For the best bug protection you can't beat Off.




  
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Roy ­ Mathers
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Mar 07, 2018 17:32 |  #7695

I think this thread has lost its way.




  
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)
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