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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favourite Joke? (TOTALLY unrelated to photography)

 
icopus
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Sep 21, 2018 18:59 |  #7921

itsallart wrote in post #18712962 (external link)
Ok, everybody have another Valium :evil:

Here is another one?

3 people, A Yank, a Pommy and a Brit are standing on top of the Empire State building and are about to jump off (suicide)....sorry... who's gonna hit the ground first?

Men or women or mixture? All jumping at the same time? Jumping off the North, South, East, or West side? Are they jumping off the top? Which ones like cilantro?

(just keeping in this thread's latest spirit.)
(However, I looked up Pommy which said a British person. Confusing since we have a British person and a Brit. On further research, I found, "Australian slang term for attacks on the English." How severe were the attacks? Was the Pommy merely insulted or how many of his teeth are missing? I still don't know about Pommy. So, I'm going with an American and two people from Great Britain all visiting New York for the first time.)

Sorry.
Sooooooooo, who hits the ground first??

Hope I get this one. BTW, was that a valium I took or something else?


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Sep 21, 2018 19:04 |  #7922

Pippan wrote in post #18712931 (external link)
It's not. The main (first) definition from OED is "Relating to or in the form of words".

Exactly. "Verbal," in its primary sense, means associated with words, dealing with words, and so on. A nonverbal person is one who doesn't talk, write, or sign–not just one who doesn't produce spoken words, but one who doesn't produce words at all.

Here's the whole Usage Note from the American Heritage Dictionary:

Verbal (adjective) is less precise than oral in expressing the sense of "by word of mouth." Verbal can also refer to what is written; oral cannot. The distinction has special bearing when one of these adjectives is applied to terms such as agreement, promise, commitment, or understanding. If the agreement or the like is not in writing, oral makes that sense explicit.

We were posting about the difference between the effects a joke will have when spoken and when written. "Needs" and "kneads" are easily distinguished when seen but not when heard. In this context, what's important is the contrast between two forms of the joke, the written and the _____. Since "verbal" includes the written form, you need a different word to fill the blank, a word that excludes the written form. "Oral" does the job.


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Post edited 4 months ago by itsallart. (3 edits in all)
     
Sep 21, 2018 19:15 |  #7923

icopus wrote in post #18712980 (external link)
Men or women or mixture? All jumping at the same time? Jumping off the North, South, East, or West side? Are they jumping off the top? Which ones like cilantro?

(just keeping in this thread's latest spirit.)
(However, I looked up Pommy which said a British person. Confusing. On further research, I found, "Australian slang term for attacks on the English." How severe were the attacks? Was the Pommy merely insulted or how many of his teeth are missing? I still don't know about Pommy. So, I'm going with an American and two people from Great Britain all visiting New York for the first time.)

Sorry. Sooooooooo, who hits the ground first??

Hope I get this one. BTW, was that a valium I took or something else?

Doesn't matter.
One American, 1 Englishman and 1 Australian...what side of the building the are jumping off has no bearing. They all jump at the same time...

The answer is ...Who cares!!! :twisted: :p

P.S. You can use any nationality and it doesn't have to be 3 people...or take the current Russian president and the American one...a very versatile joke :)


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Sep 21, 2018 19:32 |  #7924

itsallart wrote in post #18712992 (external link)
Doesn't matter.
The answer is ...Who cares!!! :twisted: :p

P.S. You can use any nationality and it doesn't have to be 3 people...or take the current Russian president and the American one...a very versatile joke :)

Lawyers. They're all lawyers. Good joke!!!


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Post edited 4 months ago by itsallart.
     
Sep 21, 2018 19:43 |  #7925

Here's one with a lawyer.

What’s the difference between a dead lawyer on the road and a dead skunk on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.


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Sep 21, 2018 20:11 |  #7926

Actual courtroom transcripts ---

---
Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"
---
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
---
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."


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Sep 21, 2018 21:40 |  #7927

itsallart wrote in post #18712962 (external link)
Ok, everybody have another Valium :evil:

Here is another one?

3 people, A Yank, a Pommy and a Brit are standing on top of the Empire State building and are about to jump off (suicide)....sorry... who's gonna hit the ground first?

Renata this ain't being picky smart or anything other than a question.
Curious. Does your neck of the woods hold to Brits and Poms being different?
I'm Pom (mum and dad) descent but just took them to be one and the same.
I know Britain ain't England bit.

Being an Oz the poor Poms here get the absolute stick, and it's more Poms than Brits in the language used.



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Post edited 4 months ago by itsallart.
     
Sep 21, 2018 22:33 |  #7928

avondale87 wrote in post #18713071 (external link)
Renata this ain't being picky smart or anything other than a question.
Curious. Does your neck of the woods hold to Brits and Poms being different?
I'm Pom (mum and dad) descent but just took them to be one and the same.
I know Britain ain't England bit.

Being an Oz the poor Poms here get the absolute stick, and it's more Poms than Brits in the language used.

Richard, I wouldn't have a clue. I'm Polish by birth, but with Australian citizenship living in the US. English is my 7th language (picked up in Oz), so I have no idea.
I was just messing with people for fun :)

I hope I haven't offended anybody.


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Sep 21, 2018 22:47 as a reply to  @ itsallart's post |  #7929

Renata I certainly didn't even mention from offense side. So doubt anyone would have taken it that way. I certainly didn't.
Polish. Lot of Polish people here. They came out after the war and worked on the Hydro as it's known. Worked for the Hydro Electric Commission. Building Hydro dams and power stations, roads, transmission lines etc.

True storey.
A women went to the doctor. She came from what is a Hydro village. One set up for Hydro construction workers.
And where a lot of Poles (Polish people as they're affectionately known here) lived.
All our power poles are 'Hydro' poles.
She looked at the doctor and asked where he came from.
oh! I'm Polish
Woman : oh! That's all right, all my friends are Hydro Poles
And she wondered why the puzzled look on the doctor.



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Sep 21, 2018 22:54 |  #7930

OhLook wrote in post #18712986 (external link)
Exactly. "Verbal," in its primary sense, means associated with words, dealing with words, and so on. A nonverbal person is one who doesn't talk, write, or sign–not just one who doesn't produce spoken words, but one who doesn't produce words at all.

Here's the whole Usage Note from the American Heritage Dictionary:

We were posting about the difference between the effects a joke will have when spoken and when written. "Needs" and "kneads" are easily distinguished when seen but not when heard. In this context, what's important is the contrast between two forms of the joke, the written and the _____. Since "verbal" includes the written form, you need a different word to fill the blank, a word that excludes the written form. "Oral" does the job.

That's interesting OhLook. Here one can be rather verbose, with a good dose of verbal diarrhoea. Both relating to spoken out.
They're also not very nice to be around. A bit on the nose so to speak.
More about the spoken than written.

But I failed miserably at English which I always struggled in, but got high marks for essay writing. No wonder I was confused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Australian is visiting Britain at the same time. He's from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights, and just crosses streets whenever and wherever, almost getting hit by cars all the time. A police officer sees him and shouts:

"Oi! You there, did you come here to die?"

The Aussie replies:

"Nah mate, I came yesterday!"

(in case you're lost in wondering, it's a dialect matter)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.



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Sep 22, 2018 00:35 |  #7931

avondale87 wrote in post #18713106 (external link)
That's interesting OhLook. Here one can be rather verbose, with a good dose of verbal diarrhoea. Both relating to spoken out. . . .
More about the spoken than written.

In the dialect that prevails here, Standard American English, "verbose" applies equally to wordy writing and wordy speaking.


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Sep 22, 2018 14:51 |  #7932

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18711950 (external link)
OhLook - Thank you. Do you know what a mail dish is?

Foreigners very often make jokes about Brits and I can honestly say that I have never been offended, but perhaps I'm not as easily offended as some.
...


Or perhaps being British has not resulted in you being skipped over for a raise, being spoken down to like you are a child, being abused, being stalked, disallowed from housing in certain neighborhoods, being beaten up, deported, refused service at a business, being prevented from promotion, being refused a job, being shot at by police, etc.

I'd say your comparison is strongly lacking an actual balance.

Now, if you are a RED HEAD, then you know what it's like! :) :) ;)


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Sep 22, 2018 14:57 |  #7933

OhLook wrote in post #18712903 (external link)
Try it like this.

Q: What's the difference between a baker and a beggar?
A: There's no difference. They both [knead][need] dough.

This works ORALLY (i.e., what you folks have been calling "verbally" although writing is verbal, like speech) but not in written form.


The time tested set up for jokes with this kind of punchline has always been;

"What does a baker and a beggar have in common?"

EG
"What do Michael Jackson and WalMart have in common?

They both have boys underwear half off."

Or, "what does Michael Jackson have in common with a second place race horse?

They both came in a little behind"

These are examples of the "What's in common" jokes.

The "Difference" jokes end with punchlines that sound similar;

EG: "What's the DIFFERENCE between a war charger and a pack horse?

One darts into the fray, the other farts into the dray"


Note one never says which does which. Further, with the difference jokes, one can escalate them as they are being told and stop giving the second hand of the punchline, as this is done the 2nd half becomes more "risque" getting the point where one will no longer say outloud the 2nd half, but due to the rhyming nature, the audience will do the math and figure it out.

EG: "What's the difference between a tribe of brilliant pygmies, and a college sorority track team?
One is a group of cunning runts,...."

:)


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Sep 22, 2018 16:29 |  #7934

CyberDyneSystems wrote in post #18713484 (external link)
EG: "What's the difference between a tribe of brilliant pygmies, and a college sorority track team?
One is a group of cunning runts,...."

:)

OK, here is one of a similar nature but really dirty:

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Swiss admiral?

A vacuum cleaner sucks and sucks and never fails....:twisted:


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Sep 22, 2018 16:40 |  #7935

CyberDyneSystems wrote in post #18713484 (external link)
The time tested set up for jokes with this kind of punchline has always been;

"What does a baker and a beggar have in common?" . . .

The "Difference" jokes end with punchlines that sound similar

I agree, "What do A and B have in common?" and "What's the difference between A and B?" are different traditional types of jokes. (I'm not sure a "difference" joke has to end in a spoonerism.) Renata's joke began with "What's the difference . . . ?" and ended with "They both . . ." In trying to revise it, I made a hybrid or, as some might call it, a monstrosity.


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