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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
soeren
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Dec 10, 2018 02:54 |  #8086

Im confused
did a class in B&W enlargement.
Pulled this stunning perfect picture out of the Developer and then the teacher wanted me to fix it.


If history has proven anything. it's that evolution always wins!!

  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Dec 10, 2018 06:32 |  #8087

I was in a car crash over the weekend. It happened between Mr and Mrs Smith's house and Mr and Mrs Balls house. Luckily, I was dragged out by the Smiths.




  
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CyberDyneSystems
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Post edited over 1 year ago by CyberDyneSystems.
     
Dec 10, 2018 15:47 |  #8088

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18767918 (external link)
I was in a car crash over the weekend. It happened between Mr and Mrs Smith's house and Mr and Mrs Balls house. Luckily, I was dragged out by the Smiths.


That Mrs. Balls (external link) makes some good Chutney though.


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Chief_10Beers
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Dec 10, 2018 16:31 |  #8089

All my jokes could never, ever say be said here, being a former US Marine and all that...............


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icopus
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Dec 10, 2018 18:39 |  #8090

Chief_10Beers wrote in post #18768252 (external link)
All my jokes could never, ever say be said here, being a former US Marine and all that...............

I would not be offended if you were to PM a couple. I'd appreciate. I don't believe I've heard any that have been told in the military. :-D


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
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Chief_10Beers
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Dec 10, 2018 19:05 |  #8091

icopus wrote in post #18768364 (external link)
I would not be offended if you were to PM a couple. I'd appreciate. I don't believe I've heard any that have been told in the military. :-D


Stand by...............


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drifter106
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Dec 11, 2018 21:16 |  #8092

Snow Days....


https://images.google.​com …ifPs&ust=154467​0881117939 (external link)


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drifter106
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Post edited over 1 year ago by drifter106. (2 edits in all)
     
Dec 11, 2018 21:24 |  #8093

103%
Mathematics

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has indisputable mathematical logic...
This is a strictly... mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-*-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a*s kissing will take you.
A-*-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+1​4+7 = 118%


So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hardwork and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
It's the BullS*t and A*s Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why Politicians and Corporations are where they are!
I've never seen a better explanation than this formula.


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drifter106
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Dec 11, 2018 21:35 |  #8094

Singing in Church...


A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing in unison "The Old Rugged Cross."

The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said, "Power!" The congregation sang "There is Power in the Blood."

The Pastor said, "Sex!" The congregation fell in total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, from the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories."


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Pippan
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Dec 13, 2018 01:56 |  #8095

People say that 'icy' is the easiest word to spell. I see why.


— Please feel free to offer your thoughts on how I might improve my images —

  
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Pippan
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Dec 14, 2018 00:20 |  #8096

My teachers told me I'd never amount to anything because I procrastinate too much. I said to them, "Well we'll just have to wait and see!"


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Hoof ­ Arted
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Dec 14, 2018 16:13 |  #8097

Neil Diamond has released a new Christmas song. I don't remember the lyrics, but I do remember it has a sweet carol line.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Dec 14, 2018 16:16 |  #8098

Whoever got the Christmas present from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'd like to have those back. Thanks.




  
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Spencerphoto
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Dec 14, 2018 20:03 |  #8099

When my wife found out I replaced the bed with a trampoline, she hit the roof.


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Spencerphoto
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Post edited 11 months ago by Spencerphoto.
     
Dec 14, 2018 20:10 |  #8100

Being over 60 means you can never totally, completely trust a fart.


5D3, 7D2, EF 16-35 f/2.8L, EF 24-70 f/2.8L II, EF 24-105 f/4L, EF 70-200 f/2.8L II, EF 100-400 f/4.5-5.6L II, EF 1.4x III, Sigma 150mm macro, Lumix LX100 plus a cupboard full of bags, tripods, flashes & stuff.

  
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