Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

avondale87 wrote in post #18982782
Yes Chris, disappointing.
I don't have much time for our Aussies.
Winge when they lose then over the top when they win.
Was hoping your blokes would knock 'em for six

I was just hoping they would play well and earn their pay. Instead they are paid like professionals and play like amateurs.
Nice pun you made there

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18982652
If you research a little, you'll find that neither of these is true.

The research I did on the pig name was by French friends when we lived in France. One being an retired Gendarme, a big bloke who I wouldn't argue with.

As for the shandy, a mix of beer (sold in Imperial pints) and lemonade ( sold in metric litres) and it was deemed that even although you could have a glass of the stuff you couldn't call it a pint because of the different measures

Who the hell would spoil good English beer by putting loads of fizzy sugar in it anyway?

Jonzjob wrote in post #18982959
... Who the hell would spoil good English beer by putting loads of fizzy sugar in it anyway?

Me. Love the stuff, though I haven't had a real shandy in decades. By that I mean the version that we were given at the end of a hard day's haymaking, back in early 1970s Cheshire, when collecting, loading, unloading and stacking bales wasn't done by machines, but manually. The shandy had to be made from high quality 'best bitter' and homemade lemonade, with only about 25% lemonade max - if the farmer's wife liked you.

Those shandies were made for us young fellas (I was 12-15 at the time) while the adults had beer. Add freshly-baked bread spread with butter churned by the farmer's wife, crumbly farmhouse Cheshire cheese and various, mysterious sweet and sharp pickles.

Now I'm hungry. And I want a shandy.

A good, refreshing drink, shandy.

Jonzjob wrote in post #18982959
The research I did on the pig name was by French friends when we lived in France. One being an retired Gendarme, a big bloke who I wouldn't argue with.

As for the shandy, a mix of beer (sold in Imperial pints) and lemonade ( sold in metric litres) and it was deemed that even although you could have a glass of the stuff you couldn't call it a pint because of the different measures

Who the hell would spoil good English beer by putting loads of fizzy sugar in it anyway?

Me too but ours was lemonade fizzy with beer. Half and half, stout and lemonade is good too.Germans (used to) call it bicyclists beer. We also had a harvest mix but we called it a squashed beer, lemon squash, ie lemon cordial very strong, about an inch in an 8 oz glass. You only needed one to quench your thirst and you could drive the truck after!

Jonzjob wrote in post #18982959
As for the shandy, a mix of beer (sold in Imperial pints) and lemonade ( sold in metric litres) and it was deemed that even although you could have a glass of the stuff you couldn't call it a pint because of the different measures

A man walks into a pub and asks for a half-pint, quarter-litre, beer lemonade mix.

I used to drink shandy in my early teens, it came in small(0.2l?) bottles, it was something like 0.5 or 1 % alcohol.

Interviewer: what's this four year gap in your resume?

Me: That's when I went to Yale

Interviewer: Very impressive, you're hired

Me: Thanks, I really need this yob.

???

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18986472
???

Think Heavy Accent...

That's when I went to Yale (Jail)
Thanks, I really need this Yob (Job)

My wife sent me a text, "Your great!"

Naturally I texted back, "No, you're great!"

She made me an amazing breakfast and has been walking around smiling for over an hour.

Should I tell I was just correcting her grammar, or let it go?

Firemike wrote in post #18986476
Think Heavy Accent...

That's when I went to Yale (Jail)
Thanks, I really need this Yob (Job)

I thought heavy accent, but a Brummy accent just dai fitt ?

Firemike wrote in post #18986476
Think Heavy Accent...

That's when I went to Yale (Jail)
Thanks, I really need this Yob (Job)

What sort of accent?

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18986545
What sort of accent?

Spanish and German come to mind...

john crossley wrote in post #18982989
A man walks into a pub and asks for a half-pint, quarter-litre, beer lemonade mix.

John, can you check your PMs please?