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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Tronhard
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Apr 29, 2020 16:21 |  #9211

Codda wrote in post #19054406 (external link)
Why would you bring Canada into this ? 8-)

Actually, Canada has a Prime Minister running our government, and our head of state is still The Queen, so no confusion there! :-P


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
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Tronhard
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Post edited 10 months ago by Tronhard. (3 edits in all)
     
Apr 29, 2020 16:29 |  #9212

This will take a while...

Up in the far northern icy waters of the Arctic, an Innu was paddling his canoe. He was wrapped up heavily against the cold. He came across a bunch of lightly-clad neighbours and asked why there weren't freezing. They explained that they had caught some seals and traded them for gas heaters that warmed up their kayaks and kept them cozy.

Determined to enjoy the same benefits, our hero did the same, bringing a large bunch of fine seal pelts to the trader and asking for a gas stove. The regretfully advised that there had been a massive demand for the gas heaters and he was completely out for the winter. Determined to get something the Innu pointed to a stove and asked why he could not have that. The trader explained it was an oil stove, and if he used it and his kayak rocked while it was lit, it would set it on fire, burn it to the waterline and he would die of exposure.

Not to be denied, our hero got one despite the advice and took off to enjoy his new toy. Paddling along with warmth all around he was feeling very smug until, sure enough, a whale surfaced suddenly, causing the kayak to rock, the stove tipped and burnt it to the water. The poor Innu did die of exposure.

The morale of this story is you can't always have your kayak and heat it...


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
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Jonzjob
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Apr 29, 2020 17:19 |  #9213

GRONE :cry::cry::cry:

There was a very powerful African tribal chief who dominated all of the other tribes around him. He used to raid all the time and kill loads of the other men, capture the women and steal the other tribal chiefs thrones.

On and on he went amassing a huge haul of these very decorative pieces until he had so many that he had to enlarge his hut/palace. They were made of stone, inlaid with gems, metal inlaid with gold and silver and all were incredibly precious.

He carried on and became the most powerful chief in the country with a huge collection of women slaves and thrones.

They were piled high in his palace/hut until it became difficult for him to do as he loved to do, to sit on all of them in turn. Eventually having to climb a ladder to get to the top ones

One day he wanted to sit on a superb one at the top of the stack and as he climbed right to the top there was an almighty gust of wind that actually rocked his hut/palace until it made the complete stack of thrones topple and fall.

He was caught in the fall and was hit and crushed by a very large stone and precious gem one and was killed outright.

All of the surrounding tribes were celebration the demise of the power of that tribe and they raided and took back all of their women and possessions and left the tribe desperate to survive.

Well, there is a moral to this terrible story too. And it is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones!


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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kiwichris
I forget how I didded that!
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Apr 30, 2020 04:07 |  #9214

Jonzjob wrote in post #19054379 (external link)
He's totally Harpic, you know, clean round the bend :rolleyes:

Desinfektants Roy? You should know by now that I never make mastikes mate -?

You mean miss steaks, eh? :D


Panasonic Lumix G9 and lenses from 7mm wide to 300mm long.
http://www.flickr.com/​photos/chriswaynzpics/ (external link)

  
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pbigelow
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Apr 30, 2020 13:34 |  #9215

A fire fighter is working outside the station when he notices a
little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders on the sides, a
garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a fire fighter's helmet.

The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with
admiration.

"Thanks," the girl says.

When the fire fighter takes a closer look, he notices the girl has
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you
how to run your rig, but, if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
Collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."




  
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Capn ­ Jack
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Apr 30, 2020 18:46 |  #9216

pbigelow wrote in post #19055440 (external link)
A fire fighter is working outside the station when he notices a
little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders on the sides, a
garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a fire fighter's helmet.

The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with
admiration.

"Thanks," the girl says.

When the fire fighter takes a closer look, he notices the girl has
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you
how to run your rig, but, if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
Collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."

Declawed cat? -?




  
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digital ­ paradise
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May 01, 2020 05:51 |  #9217


HOSTED PHOTO
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Image Editing OK

Website (external link) ~ Buy/Sell Feedback

  
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hqqns
When the frick did I get this new title and why?
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May 01, 2020 07:08 |  #9218

digital paradise wrote in post #19055813 (external link)
thumbnail
Hosted photo: posted by digital paradise in
./showthread.php?p=190​55813&i=i95436881
forum: The Lounge

Love it!


subby

Wife|Son|Daughter|Comp​uters|Cameras|Lenses|A Home|Pans|Spatula|No Frogs

"42"

  
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Inse
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May 01, 2020 09:10 |  #9219

A moth comes into a chiropodist's.

'Can you help me, please?' the moth asks. 'I'm desperate. My wife has left me. My business has gone downhill. I'm in complete despair. You've got to help me.'

'But how can I help you?' said the chiropodist. 'What you need is a psychiatrist. Why did you come and see me?'

'The light was on,' said the moth.


RAY
So far, this is the oldest I've ever been :cool:
http://inse-photography.smugmug.co​m/ (external link)

  
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OhLook
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May 01, 2020 09:33 |  #9220

This new social distancing has strange effects on people, doesn't it? For the first time in my life, I'm delighted when someone crosses the street to avoid me.


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.), shoo-in | Comments welcome

  
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Jonzjob
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May 01, 2020 10:27 |  #9221

OhLook wrote in post #19055903 (external link)
This new social distancing has strange effects on people, doesn't it? For the first time in my life, I'm delighted when someone crosses the street to avoid me.

I got used to that years ago :oops::oops::oops::-(


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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Pippan
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May 01, 2020 23:56 |  #9222

My wife kept nagging me about my terrible sense of direction. So I packed my things and right.


Be the person your dog thinks you are.

  
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Tronhard
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May 02, 2020 00:14 |  #9223

What's Innuendo?

The instructions for Italian suppositories.


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
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avondale87
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May 02, 2020 00:24 |  #9224

Tronhard wrote in post #19056283 (external link)
What's Innuendo?

The instructions for Italian suppositories.

Trevor you can laugh but seriously.
I had a hernia fixed a few years back and sometimes the consequences are constipation.
Well it happened and this chap ran out of carpenters pencils, didn't work anyway, so off wife goes to chemist for some glycerine lozenges. You can call them that 'cos some people talk through that end.
Anyway the cheeky young lady who knows me well and we often rib each other had great delight in handing over the said goods and in a big announcement told the whole shop
Mrs S you can take these home and tell Mr S to shove these right up his Ars....



Richard

  
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Pippan
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May 03, 2020 15:37 |  #9225

Tronhard wrote in post #19056283 (external link)
What's Innuendo?

The instructions for Italian suppositories.

One of our many hapless former Australian Prime Ministers, Tony Abbott, bizarrely made his entrance to the international stage with a speech that included: "No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."


Be the person your dog thinks you are.

  
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