Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Pippan wrote in post #19057159
One of our many hapless former Australian Prime Ministers, Tony Abbott, bizarrely made his entrance to the international stage with a speech that included: "No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."

This reminds of an anecdote about a very wily Canadian Prime Minister, Jean Chretien - from French-speaking Quebec. During a contentious debate on euthanasia, he was nabbed by reporters who tried to get him to commit for or against a bill supporting the measure. When asked "Do you support euthanasia?" He responded "I support youth everywhere, not just in Asia but all over the world including across Canada. Good day!" and he was off, leaving a perplexed reporter.

avondale87 wrote in post #19056293
Trevor you can laugh but seriously.
I had a hernia fixed a few years back and sometimes the consequences are constipation.
Well it happened and this chap ran out of carpenters pencils, didn't work anyway, so off wife goes to chemist for some glycerine lozenges. You can call them that 'cos some people talk through that end.
Anyway the cheeky young lady who knows me well and we often rib each other had great delight in handing over the said goods and in a big announcement told the whole shop
Mrs S you can take these home and tell Mr S to shove these right up his Ars....

I was looking after a friend's dog while they were away on vacation. I had instructions that if he got worms (he loved sniffing other dogs' pooh) then I should go to the vet for treatment. Sure enough he showed the symptoms and at the vet they gave me some enormous pills and told me to give him one each day. It was only when I got home that I realized that I had not been told HOW to administer the said medication. So I rang up the vet and asked which end the enormous pills needed to go. It was with great mirth that the vet told me to mash them up and put them in his food - I dreaded the thought of the other alternative...

Pippan wrote in post #19057159
One of our many hapless former Australian Prime Ministers, Tony Abbott, bizarrely made his entrance to the international stage with a speech that included: "No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."

Talking out of his arse as usual.

I went to the zoo yesterday and there was a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

Found out my wifes favourite joke

Me

WorkingClassHero wrote in post #19057931
I went to the zoo yesterday and there was a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

Now, I don't believe that at all. It is a silly thing to say and you should be ashamed!

You couldn't have gone to the zoo. They are all under lockdown

Edit : - But it did make me giggle

I was having a quiet beer at the pub the other day and a man walked in with a pet newt on his shoulder. I asked, 'What's his name?' 'Tiny', the man replied. 'Why do you call him Tiny?" I asked. He looked at me like I was a complete moron and said, "Because he's my newt".

A man goes into a record shop and says, 'Have you got any records by wasps? I love listening to them.'

'Yes, we have!' says the shop assistant.

'Wonderful!' says the man. 'Do you mind if I listen to it first?'

'Of course,' says the assistant, who puts the record on.

The man listens to it and says, 'That's not wasps! The buzzing's all wrong.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the assistant. 'I put on the B-side.'

Inse wrote in post #19059646
A man goes into a record shop . . .

Most jokes based on puns are groaners. This one actually works!

Groan/grone/grown

Please OL, please tell me when it starts to work please, please

It's so Groan/grone/grown it should work, but I may not have enough life left in the 6Up life

Wasp? Wasn't she the one in the Girl with the dragon tatooooo

"How many record producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"How many ?"

"Gee, I don't know - what do you think?"

That's a shocking thought Mike

OK, you started it.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Quite logical really when you think about it.

Only von, but zee light bulb haz reeeealy got-to-vant-to-chainche.

Maybe the first joke I ever learnt ...

Why did the

HOSTED PHOTO
please log in to view hosted photos in full size.

HOSTED PHOTO
please log in to view hosted photos in full size.

2 lovely photos. But not too sure about the 'joke'?

Why did the cow slip?

Because she saw the moth??? :

Got me there! I knew there was a bug in the joke somewhere ....