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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Tronhard
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Post edited 10 months ago by Tronhard.
     
May 03, 2020 16:47 |  #9226

Pippan wrote in post #19057159 (external link)
One of our many hapless former Australian Prime Ministers, Tony Abbott, bizarrely made his entrance to the international stage with a speech that included: "No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."

This reminds of an anecdote about a very wily Canadian Prime Minister, Jean Chretien - from French-speaking Quebec. During a contentious debate on euthanasia, he was nabbed by reporters who tried to get him to commit for or against a bill supporting the measure. When asked "Do you support euthanasia?" He responded "I support youth everywhere, not just in Asia but all over the world including across Canada. Good day!" and he was off, leaving a perplexed reporter.


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
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Tronhard
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May 03, 2020 16:51 |  #9227

avondale87 wrote in post #19056293 (external link)
Trevor you can laugh but seriously.
I had a hernia fixed a few years back and sometimes the consequences are constipation.
Well it happened and this chap ran out of carpenters pencils, didn't work anyway, so off wife goes to chemist for some glycerine lozenges. You can call them that 'cos some people talk through that end.
Anyway the cheeky young lady who knows me well and we often rib each other had great delight in handing over the said goods and in a big announcement told the whole shop
Mrs S you can take these home and tell Mr S to shove these right up his Ars....

I was looking after a friend's dog while they were away on vacation. I had instructions that if he got worms (he loved sniffing other dogs' pooh) then I should go to the vet for treatment. Sure enough he showed the symptoms and at the vet they gave me some enormous pills and told me to give him one each day. It was only when I got home that I realized that I had not been told HOW to administer the said medication. So I rang up the vet and asked which end the enormous pills needed to go. It was with great mirth that the vet told me to mash them up and put them in his food - I dreaded the thought of the other alternative...


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
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GibJock
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May 04, 2020 02:22 |  #9228

Pippan wrote in post #19057159 (external link)
One of our many hapless former Australian Prime Ministers, Tony Abbott, bizarrely made his entrance to the international stage with a speech that included: "No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."

Talking out of his arse as usual.


flickr (external link)

  
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WorkingClassHero
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May 05, 2020 02:55 |  #9229

I went to the zoo yesterday and there was a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.


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soeren
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May 05, 2020 03:32 |  #9230

Found out my wifes favourite joke

Me


If history has proven anything. it's that evolution always wins!!

  
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Jonzjob
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May 05, 2020 04:18 |  #9231

WorkingClassHero wrote in post #19057931 (external link)
I went to the zoo yesterday and there was a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

Now, I don't believe that at all. It is a silly thing to say and you should be ashamed!

You couldn't have gone to the zoo. They are all under lockdown :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Edit : - But it did make me giggle :-P


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May 05, 2020 08:19 |  #9232

I was having a quiet beer at the pub the other day and a man walked in with a pet newt on his shoulder. I asked, 'What's his name?' 'Tiny', the man replied. 'Why do you call him Tiny?" I asked. He looked at me like I was a complete moron and said, "Because he's my newt".


Be the person your dog thinks you are.

  
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Inse
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May 08, 2020 08:38 |  #9233

A man goes into a record shop and says, 'Have you got any records by wasps? I love listening to them.'

'Yes, we have!' says the shop assistant.

'Wonderful!' says the man. 'Do you mind if I listen to it first?'

'Of course,' says the assistant, who puts the record on.

The man listens to it and says, 'That's not wasps! The buzzing's all wrong.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the assistant. 'I put on the B-side.'


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OhLook
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May 08, 2020 08:57 |  #9234

Inse wrote in post #19059646 (external link)
A man goes into a record shop . . .

Most jokes based on puns are groaners. This one actually works! :-)


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.), shoo-in | Comments welcome

  
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Jonzjob
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May 08, 2020 14:57 |  #9235

Groan/grone/grown -?

Please OL, please tell me when it starts to work please, please :-(

It's so Groan/grone/grown it should work, but I may not have enough life left in the 6Up life :rolleyes:

Wasp? Wasn't she the one in the Girl with the dragon tatooooo :-P


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TustinMike
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May 08, 2020 18:47 |  #9236

"How many record producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"How many ?"

"Gee, I don't know - what do you think?"


I'm mainly here for the snacks

  
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Jonzjob
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May 09, 2020 01:24 |  #9237

That's a shocking thought Mike :eek::eek:

OK, you started it.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Quite logical really when you think about it.

Only von, but zee light bulb haz reeeealy got-to-vant-to-chainche.


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May 09, 2020 02:09 |  #9238

Maybe the first joke I ever learnt ...

Why did the


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?


Because she saw the


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Maybe the photos ease the pain ...

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Jonzjob
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Post edited 9 months ago by Jonzjob.
     
May 09, 2020 08:15 |  #9239

2 lovely photos. But not too sure about the 'joke'? -?

Why did the cow slip?

Because she saw the moth??? -?-?::rolleyes:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
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NixEre
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May 09, 2020 08:48 as a reply to  @ Jonzjob's post |  #9240

Got me there! I knew there was a bug in the joke somewhere ....


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