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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Jonzjob
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May 09, 2020 16:56 |  #9241

There was the question of why did the butterfly flutter by

And it was because it saw the dragon fly drink the flagon dry.

But that was an entirely different story init already my boy.:mrgreen:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
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Tronhard
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May 09, 2020 21:29 |  #9242

What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots and can't hit.
The other hoots and hoots and can't S**t


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
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Tronhard
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Post edited 9 months ago by Tronhard. (5 edits in all)
     
May 09, 2020 21:34 |  #9243

Back in the last century, three ICT guys were at a bar discussing how bionic technology was improving their lives...

The first one said proudly: "I have a phone built into my fingers, I have a receiver in my little finger and a micro speaker in my thumb, so I don't need a phone any more!"

The second one said " I can do better than that, I have all that implanted in my ear already. I have the microphone in my earlobe and the speaker is in my inner ear already. I just have to press my ear to take or make a call".

Suddenly the third one groaned, dropped his trousers and bent over the table. "What's the matter with you?" they asked.
He replied "I have a fax coming through"


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
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kiwichris
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May 10, 2020 02:23 |  #9244

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at the funeral.


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Jonzjob
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May 10, 2020 02:31 |  #9245

That's sad, but as they say

It ain't the cough that carries you off
It's the coffin they cary you off in, imit :rolleyes:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
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NixEre
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May 10, 2020 02:37 as a reply to  @ kiwichris's post |  #9246

That is very sad and no laughing matter.

Our favourite baker just died.

The announcement read “No flours at the funeral please.”

:cry:


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Pippan
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May 10, 2020 14:57 |  #9247

Jonzjob wrote in post #19060592 (external link)
That's sad, but as they say

It ain't the cough that carries you off
It's the coffin they cary you off in, imit :rolleyes:

kiwichris wrote in post #19060590 (external link)
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at the funeral.

Local band here called Coffin Fitz. Clever name.


Be the person your dog thinks you are.

  
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Tronhard
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Post edited 9 months ago by Tronhard.
     
May 10, 2020 15:22 |  #9248

It was a quite period while two street walkers were waiting for customers.

One was a veteran but the other was very new and asked for advice:
"It's tax time and I have to declare my occupation, but I don't want to put down street walker. What do you put down?"

The other smiled and said " I say I am the engineering business. Demolition of temporary erections!"


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
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kiwichris
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Post edited 9 months ago by kiwichris.
     
May 11, 2020 03:02 |  #9249

How do you gender ants?

First, catch ant and place it in water. If it sinks, it is a girl ant.

If it floats, it is buoyant.


Panasonic Lumix G9 and lenses from 7mm wide to 300mm long.
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Jonzjob
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May 11, 2020 05:44 |  #9250

Then all of the ants that used to get in the sugar when I was stationed in Singapore!

Because we used to chuck the sugar in the tea and they all floated to the top. It was the only way to get the little sods out:twisted:

I hadn't realised that was the reason -? Ta for letting me know :love:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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kiwichris
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May 11, 2020 08:35 as a reply to  @ Jonzjob's post |  #9251

^^^

Those weren't ants, those were patented flavour enhancers, they put more body in your drink ;)


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Pippan
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May 11, 2020 15:59 |  #9252

Jonzjob wrote in post #19061206 (external link)
Then all of the ants that used to get in the sugar when I was stationed in Singapore!

Because we used to chuck the sugar in the tea and they all floated to the top. It was the only way to get the little sods out:twisted:

I hadn't realised that was the reason -? Ta for letting me know :love:

How did you get the girl ants out?


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Jonzjob
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May 12, 2020 02:15 |  #9253

We didn't 'cause there weren't any.

They were Benidictants 8-)


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
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kiwichris
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May 12, 2020 03:10 as a reply to  @ Jonzjob's post |  #9254

Better than expectorants I suppose ;)


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NixEre
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May 12, 2020 06:20 |  #9255

Try swallowing some disinfected ants ...

:rolleyes:


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