Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password?

Because I it wouldn’t be stroganoff.

Capn Jack wrote in post #19444960
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password?

Because I it wouldn’t be stroganoff.

I had to say this three times to get it.

OhLook wrote in post #19444977
I had to say this three times to get it.

I'm not surprised OH. To get it straight away it need an 'N' to fillet in

A favourite alledged true story

A lady wrote into McVities ( the biscuit manufacturer )

I do love your hobnobs, but the top biscuit in the packet is always broken into pieces.

Why don’t you leave that one out ?

NixEre wrote in post #19445075
A favourite alledged true story

A lady wrote into McVities ( the biscuit manufacturer )

I do love your hobnobs, but the top biscuit in the packet is always broken into pieces.

Why don’t you leave that one out ?

there's got to be a response to that

Reminds me of a day I opened a tin of cats food for Max (the cat, not my lad )
It was tuna. Only problem it had a complete crabs claw in with the meat, or what was masquerading as such.
Max duly sent a letter off to the manufacturer in Adelaide.
Little while later a very apologetic reply came back addressed to Max Cat @ .....
Forgotten what it said but I do remember it was all quite hilarious

NixEre wrote in post #19445075
A favourite alledged true story

A lady wrote into McVities ( the biscuit manufacturer )

I do love your hobnobs, but the top biscuit in the packet is always broken into pieces.

Why don’t you leave that one out ?

avondale87 wrote in post #19445077

there's got to be a response to that

Yes. Just tell the lady she's been opening the wrong end.

Why did William Shatners lingerie boutique fail? Because Shatner Panties was a real turn off.

Chet wrote in post #19445119
Why did William Shatners lingerie boutique fail? Because Shatner Panties was a real turn off.

Good. to see you back Chet!

The only thing I ever wear are thongs (flip-flops to some of you, not the other kind). Well, on my feet at least. I have dress thongs and business thongs, and wearing around the garden thongs. Many Aussies are the same. Blue the Shearer, a celebrated Aussie poet, has written a fitting tribute to the Aussie thong. I hope you enjoy it.

Let’s talk about the Icons that are worshipped by us Aussies.
Akubra hats, the Opera House, meat pies, Speedo Cossies.
Some would say our Icon is that famous waltzing song,
I reckon that it’s something else. I reckon it’s the thong.

I’ve thought a thousand thoughts of thongs, and I think that the thong,
Is more an Aussie Icon, than the swagman’s billabong.
Just as real men don’t eat quiche, the dinkum Aussie male,
Will wear his dinkum Aussie thong, come rain, or sleet, or hail.

You can keep your Nikes and Reeboks. It’s the thong that should be put,
With Aussie pride and dignity, on every Aussie foot.
I’m going to start a business. Like Bond, I can’t go wrong,
I’ll market it throughout the world, as Blue’s designer thong.

A thong for each occasions. It’s just sound commonsense
To make a tough, all purpose thong, to wear to all events.
Simple, sturdy, comfortable, my Blue’s designer thong,
Will let the foot breathe evenly, and dissipate the pong.

It’s good for killing blowflies on the barbecue or stove,
And it’s great for crushing garlic. Just belt it on the clove,
And wipe the garlic laden thong on chicken, beef, or pork,
Inhale the pure aroma of that garlic when you walk.

A thong for early evening, to wear with hipster tights,
I can see the jingle in my mind, as though it were in lights.
Just a thong at twilight, when the tights are low.
With a string of diamantes, ’twined artistic round each toe.

A thong to wear to worship. I’d call it even thong,
The strap is very holy, and the soul, so very strong.
A thong to wear to football, to cricket, or the shops,
To shearing sheds, to factories. Steel capped thongs for cops.

I’d move away from footwear, create a new design,
For a chocolate coated thong, to give my valentine,
And way into the future, when the years have moved along,
She will show her grandkids, her love’s old sweet thong.

And when we go republic, and we’re looking for a song
To celebrate our Icon, let’s hear it for the thong.
Forget Waltzing Matilda, Advance Australia Fair,
A brand new National Anthem will be wafting through the air:

God save our gracious thong.
Keep our feet safe and strong,
And free from pong.
Wear them instead of shoes,
To pubs and barbecues.
Health, happiness to all of youse,
God save our thong.

BLUE – the shearer (© Col Wilson)

Pippan wrote in post #19446099
The only thing I ever wear are thongs (flip-flops to some of you, not the other kind). Well, on my feet at least. I have dress thongs and business thongs, and wearing around the garden thongs. Many Aussies are the same. Blue the Shearer, a celebrated Aussie poet, has written a fitting tribute to the Aussie thong. I hope you enjoy it.

Let’s talk about the Icons that are worshipped by us Aussies.
Akubra hats, the Opera House, meat pies, Speedo Cossies.
Some would say our Icon is that famous waltzing song,
I reckon that it’s something else. I reckon it’s the thong.

I’ve thought a thousand thoughts of thongs, and I think that the thong,
Is more an Aussie Icon, than the swagman’s billabong.
Just as real men don’t eat quiche, the dinkum Aussie male,
Will wear his dinkum Aussie thong, come rain, or sleet, or hail.

You can keep your Nikes and Reeboks. It’s the thong that should be put,
With Aussie pride and dignity, on every Aussie foot.
I’m going to start a business. Like Bond, I can’t go wrong,
I’ll market it throughout the world, as Blue’s designer thong.

A thong for each occasions. It’s just sound commonsense
To make a tough, all purpose thong, to wear to all events.
Simple, sturdy, comfortable, my Blue’s designer thong,
Will let the foot breathe evenly, and dissipate the pong.

It’s good for killing blowflies on the barbecue or stove,
And it’s great for crushing garlic. Just belt it on the clove,
And wipe the garlic laden thong on chicken, beef, or pork,
Inhale the pure aroma of that garlic when you walk.

A thong for early evening, to wear with hipster tights,
I can see the jingle in my mind, as though it were in lights.
Just a thong at twilight, when the tights are low.
With a string of diamantes, ’twined artistic round each toe.

A thong to wear to worship. I’d call it even thong,
The strap is very holy, and the soul, so very strong.
A thong to wear to football, to cricket, or the shops,
To shearing sheds, to factories. Steel capped thongs for cops.

I’d move away from footwear, create a new design,
For a chocolate coated thong, to give my valentine,
And way into the future, when the years have moved along,
She will show her grandkids, her love’s old sweet thong.

And when we go republic, and we’re looking for a song
To celebrate our Icon, let’s hear it for the thong.
Forget Waltzing Matilda, Advance Australia Fair,
A brand new National Anthem will be wafting through the air:

God save our gracious thong.
Keep our feet safe and strong,
And free from pong.
Wear them instead of shoes,
To pubs and barbecues.
Health, happiness to all of youse,
God save our thong.

BLUE – the shearer (© Col Wilson)

Good one Pippan.
Hadn't heard that before

avondale87 wrote in post #19446105
Good one Pippan.
Hadn't heard that before

I used to hear Blue the Shearer on the radio but not now for a long time. A real bushy sounding bloke and clever poet.

I've just sent that off to my sister & brother-in-law.They live in Lawrence, NSW or some real outback place? I think they have got electricity, well occasionally.

Jonzjob wrote in post #19446146
I've just sent that off to my sister & brother-in-law.They live in Lawrence, NSW or some real outback place? I think they have got electricity, well occasionally.

John you'd feel at home there. Access by ferry, has a pub, policeman, and a museum.
How did they fare in recent,current floods?

I looked the bloke up, quite a clever character here's a link https://www.bushverse.​com …n/the-wingen-competition/
(well that's interesting I'd used 'snoozer'. I grew up on this in Tasmania and not what the dictionary says. so changed as it obviously may cause offence! How times have changed.)

They are OK thank you Richard as they live up the hill just outside the town. But it has nade a hell of a difference in getting into town Mind you they are modern enough that they actually have a car