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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Dante ­ King
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Sep 26, 2006 00:09 |  #136

This guy was concerned for his wife and takes her to the doctor. Explains to the doctor," Gee doc I think my wife has aids or alzheimer's. I dont know which one."

Doctor says, "Simple. Take her and drive her 10 mies from home."

Guy looks at the doctor and says "well how will that help?"

Doctor says, "If she comes back dont make love to her!"


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BearSummer
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Nov 16, 2006 17:30 as a reply to  @ Dante King's post |  #137

Two atoms walking down the road, one turns to the other and says "oh no I've lost an electron" the other one says " are you positive?"

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tim
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Nov 16, 2006 17:46 |  #138

How many dull men does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

(found on www.dullmensclub.com (external link))


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txduggan
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Nov 16, 2006 22:11 |  #139

Ok...this is a visual joke....and a little "risque"......and needing a little preparation.....and I've had many a friend crying....

Step One: Secretly acquire a _white_ bar napkin and keep it out of sight (a piece of white paper will work, too)

Step Two: Still keeping the paper/napkin out of sight, tear it into small pieces....remove any untorn portions to your other hand.....lightly make a fist around the pieces of napkin/paper..

Step Three: The Joke....

You say to your friend (or whoever) "How can you tell when you've had oral sex with a duck?"

Your friend will obviously ask, "How?"

You then bring your hand with the torn pieces of napkin/paper up to your mouth, cough into it, spewing forth the torn napkin/paper in their general vacinity....

Thank you...

Thank you very much....

I'm here all week....

Try da veal!!!!

Tom D


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tag141
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Nov 18, 2006 23:13 |  #140

For my ninth birthday my parents asked me what I wanted. I said "I wanna watch"...so they let me.




  
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tim
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Nov 18, 2006 23:15 |  #141

tag141 wrote in post #2283332 (external link)
For my ninth birthday my parents asked me what I wanted. I said "I wanna watch"...so they let me.

That's terrible! :D :p


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Stavhp
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Nov 19, 2006 17:49 |  #142

What did Tarzan say when he saw teh elephants coming over the hill?

Wait for it

Ready???

Look, the elephants are coming over the hill.


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stupot
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Nov 19, 2006 18:26 |  #143

I went to the zoo yesterday.

There was only one dog.

It was a shih tzu.


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GaryK
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Nov 19, 2006 18:33 |  #144

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.


It could happen.


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Stavhp
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Nov 19, 2006 19:01 |  #145

GaryK wrote in post #2286588 (external link)
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.

It could happen.

:eek: really???


Stav :)


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PhotosGuy
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Nov 20, 2006 09:16 |  #146

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.

Well, why should they? I read this somewhere: "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat."


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Radtech1
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Dec 15, 2006 09:34 as a reply to  @ PhotosGuy's post |  #147

When Santa went to harness the reindeer, he found that one of them was about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

See, earler that day, when he began to load the sleigh one of the sideboards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. That took a half hour to pick up. And, of course, one rolled directly under the sleigh and in trying to reach it - rrrrrripppp - he split the seam on his trousers.

Now the reindeer - with three of eight out of comission that is going to add hours onto an already tardy trip.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


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Citizensmith
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Dec 15, 2006 11:02 |  #148

Did you here about the dyslexic Satanist?

He sold his soul to Santa.


Or what about George Bush at the moment. Caught between Iraq and a hard place.


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bishop13
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Dec 15, 2006 12:51 |  #149

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense... Deputy says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says...

"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"


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Mcary
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Dec 15, 2006 13:49 |  #150

Three blondes are walking through the woods when they see some tracks.
The first blonde says look deer tracks.
The second blonde says no, they’re lion tracks
The third blonde proudly says I can’t believe how dumb you two are, everyone knows those are wolf tracks.

Just then the train hits them!


OMG I saw a nipple, my eye's are bleeding!
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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