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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
canonrebel
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May 15, 2009 10:20 as a reply to  @ post 7924714 |  #2221

A quick reminder to everyone:-

If you receive any emails from the Department of Environmental Health warning against the hazards of eating pork during the current swine flu crisis, dont worry.......its only SPAM.:D


Steve.

  
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ZGMF-X20A
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May 15, 2009 10:34 |  #2222

tim wrote in post #7924714 (external link)
This is funny - illustrated spam subject lines (external link).

I won't post an example as it's against forum rules.

Website coming soon?


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ryant35
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May 15, 2009 10:36 |  #2223

ZGMF-X20A wrote in post #7926730 (external link)
Website coming soon?

It worked last night for me...



5DMK4, 7DMK2, 24-104mm f/4 L, 70-200mm f/2.8 IS II, 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6 IS MK2, 17-40mm f/4, 100mm f/2.8 Macro, 35mm f/1.4,1.4X & 2X TC III 580EXII
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20droger
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May 15, 2009 11:10 as a reply to  @ ryant35's post |  #2224

An oldie but goodie....

Why is the nation in the shape it's in? Because it is run by a government run by politics.

Politics = poli = many, and tics = blood sucking parasites.

Note: Applies equally to any nation: yours, mine, theirs....




  
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Radtech1
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May 15, 2009 12:37 as a reply to  @ post 7914000 |  #2225

Beer Translations Basics

1. "You get this round and the next round is on me."
I'll be leaving before the next round.

2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you."
Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.

3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female)
I'm easy.

5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male)
I'm gay.

6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)
I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)
If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?

8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)
You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male)
I'm horny.

10. "Who's got the next round?"
I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.


.
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Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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Radtech1
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May 15, 2009 12:40 |  #2226

Beer Translations Advanced

11. "Excuse Me." (male to male)
Get the hell out of the way.

12. "Excuse Me." (male to female)
I am going to grope you now.

13. "Excuse Me." (female to male)
Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.

14. "Excuse Me." (female to female)
Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. And get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you like the slut you are.

15. "What do you have on tap?"
What's cheap?

16. "Can I have a white Russian?" (female)
I'm *really* easy.

17. "Can I have a white Russian?" (male)
I'm *really* gay.

18. "That person looks really familiar."
Did I sleep with him/her?

19. Can I just get a glass of water?" (female)
I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.

20. I don't have my ID on me." (female)
I'm 17.

21. "I don't have my ID on me." (male)
I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here.


.
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Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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Radtech1
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May 15, 2009 12:43 |  #2227

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.

Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?".

She replied, "You may select any prize from the bottom self."


.
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Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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xoldboy
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May 15, 2009 22:30 |  #2228

Radtech1 wrote in post #7927514 (external link)
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.

Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?".

She replied, "You may select any prize from the bottom self."

LMFAO!


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pennypue
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May 16, 2009 07:44 |  #2229

And better yet, he'd brag to his friends about winning a prize........LOL


Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning,
Satan shudders, and says, "Oh ----, she's awake!"

  
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brecklundin
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May 17, 2009 01:27 |  #2230

pennypue wrote in post #7931952 (external link)
And better yet, he'd brag to his friends about winning a prize........LOL

well, you know what they say...even bad noookie still ain't so bad...mostly... :p


Real men shoot Pentax because we're born with our own Canon's!!
{Ok...ok, some of use just have a PnS but it it always makes me happy! :D}
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Andy_T
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May 18, 2009 03:42 |  #2231

OK, a blond one for the day....

Two bowling teams, one made up of all Blond's and one of all Brunettes, chartered a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana . The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up. They were having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blond's upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blond's sitting paralyzed with fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blond's looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...


'YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE A DRIVER!'


***************

Hope you like it!

Best regards,
Andy


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Belmondo
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May 18, 2009 06:56 |  #2232

Andy_T wrote in post #7941733 (external link)
OK, a blond one for the day....

Two bowling teams, one made up of all Blond's and one of all Brunettes, chartered a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana . The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up. They were having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blond's upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blond's sitting paralyzed with fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blond's looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...


'YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE A DRIVER!'


***************

Hope you like it!

Best regards,
Andy

Yup. Gotta' tell that one to my wife (a blonde). :lol:


I'm not short. I'm concentrated awesome!

  
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RTMiller
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May 18, 2009 07:31 |  #2233

Belmondo wrote in post #7942193 (external link)
Yup. Gotta' tell that one to my wife (a blonde). :lol:

I don't think you have really thought that idea through all the way...



Todd

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snyderman
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May 18, 2009 07:33 |  #2234

For the golfers in the group ...

"Just hit the best two balls of my life today. Stepped on a rake when I was in the trap!"

da-dum pshhhhhhh


Canon 5D2 > 35L-85L-135L

  
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Radtech1
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May 19, 2009 07:22 as a reply to  @ post 7914000 |  #2235

A man goes to the dentist have a tooth pulled....

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection" the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist then returns and says "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The patient says"Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't" said the dentist" but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.


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Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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