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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Belmondo
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Oct 14, 2009 22:03 |  #2866

OdiN1701 wrote in post #8820828 (external link)
So a Jew, Priest, Muslim, Indian, White Guy, Black Guy, Hispanic, Italian, Latin American, Japanese Tourist, Pacific Islander, Australian, and an Eskimo walk into a bar.......

The Australian, who has a crocodile on a leash, says to the bartender, "Do you serve Chinese?"


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neilwood32
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Oct 15, 2009 04:55 as a reply to  @ Belmondo's post |  #2867

Citizensmith wrote in post #8821822 (external link)
Funny that it jumped over to being PC and offended, as that was never even mentioned. I've had my fair share of posts deleted (and I'm not contesting that they had it coming) and this one just seemed like it had made itself a prime target by hitting the no political agenda thing. That was all my comment had been. Seems to have spawned a fair few posts though. :)

This thread is PC? OMG!!:eek:

Ah well there goes almost my entire joke book!:mad: Mind you a lot of them werent funny.


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tim
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Oct 15, 2009 05:18 |  #2868

Clever advertising

On a Septic Tank Truck :
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tyre Shop !
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push"

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes.. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

And don't forget the sign at a Radiator repair shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."


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tim
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Oct 15, 2009 05:18 |  #2869

Hope this hasn't been posted... search couldn't find it.


Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is packed to the rafters. In his bid to break the ice with the audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old man in the front row jumps up and shouts "Play a Jazz Chord! Play a Jazz Chord!"

Stevie's chuffed that there is an appreciation for jazz in the audience so tinkles out an Eflat9 with a diminished fifth arpeggio and proceeds to improvise around it brilliantly for ten minutes or so.

When he finishes the place goes wild but the old man continues to shout "No, no, play a Jazz Chord! Play a Jazz Chord!"

Stevie, a little vexed, but being a professional counts his band in and they proceed to weave a complex musical web of be-bop scales over D9sus4 for twenty minutes or so.

The roar of approval from the public is deafening, but the old man leaps out of his seat and continues to shout "No, no, play a Jazz Chord! Play a Jazz Chord!"

Stevie's had about as much as he can take and says to the old man, "You come up here and do it".

So the old boy clambers up onto the stage, grabs the mike and starts to sing............

......."A jazz chord to say I ruv you...."


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neil_r
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Oct 15, 2009 06:09 |  #2870

Tim I officially award your the G.O.T.P Award well done !!

(Groan of the Page)


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Guineh
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Oct 15, 2009 08:01 as a reply to  @ neil_r's post |  #2871

lanno wrote in post #8822200 (external link)
your sig discriminates against people who are red/green colour blind
:-D

No, but this does:

kldfkldIdjrjtykrffhdjf djktyaghkomghuhkl lkjklcgmghaghktngmgh asklhrghmtyehkghaghjkghdgh jgasffatghhklhrtueihmgstafa yeyfjfgktkortujmutklylreryeetulta sdadnfktkorturjtfgnfnf cfjjrohdhdhlfdjmjmormrjrtjrfgjfjrtrbfmfmkflfdghdhidfhdhndhdddkrury


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jeffrf
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Oct 15, 2009 09:44 |  #2872

Why did the bee have sticky hair?

He used a honeycomb.


http://www.flickr.com/​photos/11037896@N05/ (external link)

  
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charger912
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Oct 15, 2009 10:02 |  #2873

Guineh wrote in post #8826238 (external link)
No, but this does:

kldfkldIdjrjtykrffhdjf djktyaghkomghuhkl lkjklcgmghaghktngmgh asklhrghmtyehkghaghjkghdgh jgasffatghhklhrtueihmgstafa yeyfjfgktkortujmutklylreryeetulta sdadnfktkorturjtfgnfnf cfjjrohdhdhlfdjmjmormrjrtjrfgjfjrtrbfmfmkflfdghdhidfhdhndhdddkrury

ohh... you're an ass... :cry:


I need a catchy sig? Ehhh, I've got nothing...

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ryant35
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Oct 15, 2009 10:35 |  #2874

Guineh wrote in post #8826238 (external link)
No, but this does:

kldfkldIdjrjtykrffhdjf djktyaghkomghuhkl lkjklcgmghaghktngmgh asklhrghmtyehkghaghjkghdgh jgasffatghhklhrtueihmgstafa yeyfjfgktkortujmutklylreryeetulta sdadnfktkorturjtfgnfnf cfjjrohdhdhlfdjmjmormrjrtjrfgjfjrtrbfmfmkflfdghdhidfhdhndhdddkrury


That's great! I just emailed that to a couple of people, and my spell checker in Outlook got up and left.



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OdiN1701
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Oct 15, 2009 11:05 |  #2875
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tim wrote in post #8825784 (external link)
......."A jazz chord to say I ruv you...."

And what is that supposed to actually be? Doesn't make sense. I suppose I could try to find some asian guy to try and read that.


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20droger
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Oct 15, 2009 12:53 |  #2876

OdiN1701 wrote in post #8827248 (external link)
And what is that supposed to actually be? Doesn't make sense. I suppose I could try to find some asian guy to try and read that.

Or Astro, the Jetsons' dog.




  
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RTMiller
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Oct 15, 2009 13:12 |  #2877

OdiN1701 wrote in post #8827248 (external link)
And what is that supposed to actually be? Doesn't make sense. I suppose I could try to find some asian guy to try and read that.

It is supposed to be a lyric from a Stevie Wonder song...
"I just called to say I love you..."



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OdiN1701
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Oct 15, 2009 13:26 |  #2878
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Ahh....it sorta fits.

I'm not exactly an expert on Stevie Wonder songs.


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lanno
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Oct 15, 2009 15:31 |  #2879

Guineh wrote in post #8826238 (external link)
No, but this does:

kldfkldIdjrjtykrffhdjf djktyaghkomghuhkl lkjklcgmghaghktngmgh asklhrghmtyehkghaghjkghdgh jgasffatghhklhrtueihmgstafa yeyfjfgktkortujmutklylreryeetulta sdadnfktkorturjtfgnfnf cfjjrohdhdhlfdjmjmormrjrtjrfgjfjrtrbfmfmkflfdghdhidfhdhndhdddkrury

oh, you naughty little guinea pig, you!




  
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lanno
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Oct 15, 2009 15:38 |  #2880

this thread is PC, now?

hmm, ok


Three people happen upon a circumstance that requires each to make a decision, the consequences of which may be either fair or foul (depending on their decision).

The first two, for reasons that need not be entered into, were sufficiently 'situationally-aware' as to make decisions with agreeable consequences.

The third made a poor decision, the consequence of which might be considered by some as having humourous overtones.

i dunno...something seems to get lost in translation...can't quite put my finger on it




  
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