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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
lanno
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Oct 20, 2009 22:26 |  #2926

lol


I may burn in some place that doesn't exist for this, but...

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said

"wow what a god damn fish"!

The Sister said

"sir you shouldn’t talk to me like that I’m a nun",

But the man, thinking quickly, replied

"but that’s actually the name of it... a ‘god damn Fish’".

So the Sister took the fish back to the rectory and said

"Mother Superior look at the god damn fish i caught".

The Mother Superior said

"Sister You shouldn’t talk like that",

and the Sister said

"but Mother Superior that’s actually the name of it…it’s a ‘god damn fish’".

So the Mother Superior said

"well give me the god damn fish and I’ll clean it".

While she was cleaning the fish the Monsignor walked in and she said

"Monsignor look at the god damn fish that the Sister caught".

The monsignor said

" Mother Superior you shouldn’t talk like that",

and the Mother Superior said

"but that’s actually the name of it…it’s a ‘god damn fish’".

So the Monsignor said "well give me the god damn fish and I’ll cook it".

That evening the Bishop was visiting. Despite being a little jaded at the staid nature of some of his charges he had been compelled (for reasons that are not relevant to this missive) to accept a dinner invitation. Into the dining room, where the Bishop sat, walked the Sister, Mother Superior and Monsignor to present him with their piscatorial pièce de résistance.

"What a splendid specimen!", he remarked.

And the sister said

"I caught the god damn fish".

And mother Superior said

"I cleaned the god damn fish".

And the monsignor said

"I cooked the god damn fish".

The Bishop leant back I his chair, eyeballed each of the three before him, leant back in his chair some more and announced

"Hey, you ****ers are alright!”




  
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Thalagyrt
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Oct 20, 2009 23:57 |  #2927

lanno wrote in post #8862795 (external link)
lol


I may burn in some place that doesn't exist for this, but...

<snip>

Amazing! :D


James

  
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20droger
Cream of the Crop
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Oct 21, 2009 00:08 |  #2928

lanno wrote in post #8861650 (external link)
And, 20droger - the Bible doesn't mention Adam being paid for his work. So, it wasn't a profession as such...he was more a GWS (Guy with Spade) :-D

Paid by whom? He and Eve were all there were.

Rather, he was self-employed, but received room and board for his efforts. Kind of like a contract employee. Witness the fact that, when he screwed up and broke the contract, he was fired.




  
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neilwood32
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Oct 21, 2009 06:43 |  #2929

20droger wrote in post #8863400 (external link)
Paid by whom? He and Eve were all there were.

Rather, he was self-employed, but received room and board for his efforts. Kind of like a contract employee. Witness the fact that, when he screwed up and broke the contract, he was fired.

Wow - 1 day away from this thread and it gets all serious!:p

And now for my contribution:

EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency,
all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used
after 31st December 2009 .

From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.

Thank you for your attention
.


Having a camera makes you no more a photographer than having a hammer and some nails makes you a carpenter - Claude Adams
Keep calm and carry a camera!
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SoccerRef
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Oct 21, 2009 07:02 as a reply to  @ neilwood32's post |  #2930

20droger wrote in post #8861398 (external link)
Well, if you want to get technical, other than hunter and/or gatherer, I suspect that "woodcarver" is truly the oldest profession. After all, you've gotta trim that branch and put a point on it to make a spear.

But "gardener" is the oldest profession, Biblically speaking. That was Adam's job.

Actually, that wasn't Adam's job until he got himself kicked out of paradise by listening to his "better half"... by the way, where does THAT phrase come from? Woman has been getting man in trouble since the beginning, but somehow winds up with the "Better" title!? Anyway... Adam's first job was to name the animals...


And Now, to keep from derailing the thread...

Moses stood before the Red Sea and realized he had a dilemna, so he called his advisors together and asked for their advice.

His Spiritual advisor said, "Just hold out your Staff like God said, and don't worry about it."

His legal advisor admonished, "It might not be a good idea, think of the environmental impact. You might wind up in a huge legal mess over this stunt."

His accountant said, "This is probably why God had us plunder the Egyptians before we left, so we would have the money needed to build the bridge we will need, but it will take weeks to build!"

And his publicist said, "I don't know if it's possible, but if you pull this off, I'll bet I can get you published in the bible, at least three, maybe four or five times!"


SoccerRef - PergerPhotography.com (external link) - SUPPORT POTN HERE (external link)My Canon Gear - 7D, Gripped 40D, Gripped 20D, SD780IS, EFS 17-85 f/4.0-5.6 IS, EF 28-135 IS, 420EX
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Next in Line
- 5D, or Mark IIn

  
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hslxsmd
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Location: Queens, NYC
     
Oct 21, 2009 17:52 as a reply to  @ SoccerRef's post |  #2931

Hello, first contrubution here. got it in an email and i laughted out loud in the middle of class. I hope its not an old or overly used one.

The 11thHusband....

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".


"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"


"Well, husband#1 was a
Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in
Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from
Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in
Telemarketing;even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an
Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from
Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in
Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a
Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a
Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a
Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".


"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?


"Your're with the
"GOVERNMENT"..
This time
I KNOW I'M gonna get
SCREWED
."


| Canon 7D | Sigma 85mm 1.4 | Canon G12 | GoPro Hero2 |

  
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LBaldwin
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Location: San Jose,CA
     
Oct 21, 2009 17:54 |  #2932

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when theá new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can
see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone...

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going
to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"Now what are you doing?" She asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get
something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out
the par for this damn hole!"


Les Baldwin
http://www.fotosfx.com (external link)

  
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lanno
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Joined Aug 2008
     
Oct 21, 2009 18:15 |  #2933

BAHAHAHAHA ^^^




  
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lanno
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185 posts
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Joined Aug 2008
     
Oct 21, 2009 18:21 |  #2934

20droger wrote in post #8863400 (external link)
Paid by whom? He and Eve were all there were.

Rather, he was self-employed, but received room and board for his efforts. Kind of like a contract employee. Witness the fact that, when he screwed up and broke the contract, he was fired.

at the risk of this sounding like we're getting too serioius:

since you've asked 'paid by whom'...from whom was the room and board obtained; similarly, by whom was he contracted? but that said, the notion of contractor at least deserves a :D




  
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oaktree
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1,835 posts
Joined Mar 2007
     
Oct 21, 2009 18:21 |  #2935

hslxsmd wrote in post #8868264 (external link)
Hello, first contrubution here. got it in an email and i laughted out loud in the middle of class. I hope its not an old or overly used one.

The 11thHusband....

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".


"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"


"Well, husband#1 was a
Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in
Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from
Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in
Telemarketing;even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an
Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from
Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in
Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a
Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a
Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a
Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".


"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?


"Your're with the
"GOVERNMENT"..
This time
I KNOW I'M gonna get
SCREWED
."

Looks like an Eric Meola photo. Wait is this a photography related comment?? :D:D


Too much stuff, not enough shooting time.

Canon T4i (2 lenses), Fuji X100s, Olympus OM-D EM-1 (3 lenses)

  
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lanno
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185 posts
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Joined Aug 2008
     
Oct 21, 2009 18:23 |  #2936

neilwood32 wrote in post #8864362 (external link)
Wow - 1 day away from this thread and it gets all serious!:p

:lol:

Wow...tough room! I get nothing for GWS (Guy with Spade)?

maybe should've sailed closer to Double Entendreville and gone with GWH (Guy with Hoe) ;)




  
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Citizensmith
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Oct 21, 2009 22:35 |  #2937

20droger wrote in post #8863400 (external link)
Paid by whom? He and Eve were all there were.

Rather, he was self-employed, but received room and board for his efforts. Kind of like a contract employee. Witness the fact that, when he screwed up and broke the contract, he was fired.

Dude, don't forget the talking snake. Everyone forgets the talking snake. Even all knowing beings apparently forgot they put a talking and highly knowledgeable snake right in the same place they put the two people it wanted to keep innocent. Frickin' amateur move that.


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Tradition - Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

  
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lanno
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Likes: 1
Joined Aug 2008
     
Oct 21, 2009 22:59 |  #2938

Citizensmith wrote in post #8869899 (external link)
Dude, don't forget the talking snake. Everyone forgets the talking snake. Even all knowing beings apparently forgot they put a talking and highly knowledgeable snake right in the same place they put the two people it wanted to keep innocent. Frickin' amateur move that.

nah...the talking snake was 'armless




  
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Radtech1
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Joined Jun 2003
Location: Trantor
     
Oct 21, 2009 23:06 |  #2939

lanno wrote in post #8870028 (external link)
nah...the talking snake was 'armless

LOL


.
.

Be humble, for you are made of the earth. Be noble, for you are made of the stars.

  
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20droger
Cream of the Crop
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Joined Dec 2006
     
Oct 22, 2009 00:07 |  #2940

lanno wrote in post #8870028 (external link)
nah...the talking snake was 'armless

Not till after he talked.




  
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