Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

ROFLMAO!!

That's hysterical!

Thanks Scottes. I'll admit to doing No. 16 a few times any more than that and I'm giving away too much information

I remember #1, known a lot of #2s, experience #3 every year, hope #4 never happens, I work with people who exude #5.... Ah, the list goes on....

I think we can all relate to most of them

OMG, somebody should put a 'Not work safe' on this thread

Only joke I can think of at the moment is this one:

There are 2 categories of people ... those who believe in sorting people into categories and those who don't

Best regards,
Andy

Didja ever see an elephant hiding in a tree?

Good at it, wot?

Yes I had to think before posting.

i don't get it

Whats brown and sticky?
--a stick.

A pirate walks in to a bar. Bartender says "You know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate says "Yarrr, its driving me nuts."



A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."

Who invented tap-dancing?

A guy with 8 kids and one toilet.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She explains that she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs
to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls
Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title
and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral
for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh
at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000
loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we did a background check and found that you
are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to
borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City could I park "MY CAR"
for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

The blonde with the car is my favorite.

The blonde or the joke?

- A man is jogging along a long and winding river. At some point, across the river, a beautiful blonde is jogging in the opposite direction. Wanting to cross and meet her he shouts "excuse me, miss, but how would I get to the other side?" to which she replies: "DUH! you ALREADY are on the other side..."

- A blonde was amazed that her pet canary and goldfish could survive her trying to kill them. Her techniques were: throwing the bird of a cliff and trying to drown the fish...

Hardy har har

There's a Black Lab, Yellow Lab and a Chocolate lab sitting in the waiting room of the vet's office.

The Black Lab says to the Yellow Lab, "What are you here for?" The Yellow Lab responds, "Well, I'll tell you. I'm a chewer. I can't help myself I just chew everything and the final straw was the other day I chewed up my master's wallet. So, I am here to be put down." The other two Labs say that's terrible.


The Yellow Lab turns to the Chocolate Lab and says, "What are you here for?" The Chocolate Lab responds, "Well, I'll tell you. I'm a pisser. You name it and I've pee'd on it and the final straw was the other day I pee'd on my master's brand new mattress. So, I am here to be put down too." The other two Labs say that's terrible.


Now they both turn to the Black Lab and say, "What are you here for?" The Black Lab responds, "Well, I'll tell you. I'm a humper. I just can't control myself. I hump everything; trees, poles, hydrants, whatever is available and the other day my master was just drying herself off after taking a shower, when she dropped her towel and bent over to pick it up. Well, I gotta tell you I just couldn't resist."


The Yellow Lab says, "So, I guess we'll all be put down together," to which the Black Lab replies, "NO, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."