Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Citizensmith wrote in post #8971849
Um ?

Err...

Willie wrote in post #8972235
vector cross product

continuation of the math joke theme

^^ That!

ryant35 wrote in post #8972267
Did you hear about the scientists that took a genetically altered tomato and combined it with a ranch flavored desert topping - the resulting mass gained consciousness.
http://www.screentrek.​com …n-monsters-vs-aliens1.jpg

Looks more to me like that horrible tasting gel toothpaste I had as a kid.

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears: BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping. clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and...

The coffin stops.

:p

1000arms wrote in post #8984903
Dug that one out of the Vault!

Quite an undertaking!

1000arms wrote in post #8980570
If you are a chicken going bald, are you down on your pluck?

I'm not talon...

1000arms wrote in post #8986325
If you are a chicken cop, does that make you John Claw?

No, just useless in a gun fight.

oh, un oeuf!

All this poutlry attempts at humour!

(ok im getting my jacket!)

If anyone posts the "What is brown and sticky?" joke I am out of here ..........

neil_r wrote in post #8989148
If anyone posts the "What is brown and sticky?" joke I am out of here ..........

Me me I know it!!

Is it a STiCK???

LBaldwin wrote in post #8989286
Me me I know it!!

Is it a STiCK???

I think the brown and sticky joke was posted as joke #3 in this thread.

Same answer, different question: "what do you call a boomerang that does not return after you throw it".

But what's green and sticky?

A green stick.

bjordan wrote in post #8991513
But what's green and sticky?

A green stick.

No, it's a Kermit the frog sticker.

and so we must face the spectre of "Peak Joke"

[edit: liberal smatterings of "" etc, this thread's still good for a morning chuckle!]

Did you know that Kermit the Frog is the son of Mick Jagger? It's true. Kermit wanted to make it on his own, so he made his father promise not to tell anyone. When he got old enough to leave home he only took one possession, his prized pink porcelain elephant.

Soon, Kermit decided to buy a car, and went to bank to get a loan. He goes inside and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. He says "I need a loan to buy a car."

Patti asks how much he wants to borrow. Kermit says $30,000. She explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this." And he produces the porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. It's bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager; and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and reports: "There's a frog called Kermit out there who wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

So the bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Which reminds me of the old story about Ted Kennedy when he was first starting in politics. He decided that we didn't want to be successful just on strength of his brother's coat tails, nor did he want to take advantage of the Kennedy political legacy, so he petitioned the court for a legal name change. The judge was impressed by his ambition and desire, and his apparent wish to be his own man. He said to Ted, "I'm inclined to grant your petition. What name would you like?"

Without thinking, Teddy answered, "Roosevelt."

(rimshot)