Gentlemen may I point out;
1) that Puns are both cruel and unusual by there nature.
2) the 8th amendment to the US constitution expressly prohibits cruel and unusual punishment.
Therefore these puns you are subjecting us to are prohibited by the US Constitution. And thereby request that you cease and desist immediately.
Neil as a Scotsman (and we all know about Scotsmen) this probably should not apply to you, as you are nether a US citizen nor a US resident.